After Last Summer
by AtalantaCerelia
Summary: Bella experiences a life changing summer, but has to face the consequences that follow. How will everyone react when she returns from Australia to Forks as a changed girl? All canon couples in the end. AH fic. Aussie Bella & Emmett.
1. One of the Boys?

**Authors Note:**

I had been working on a Post-Breaking Dawn fan fic (my first) when this AH popped into my head. I couldn't get it out, so have paused the other one to get this purged from my imagination. Blame it on the excessive amount of Pop Music that I listen to. I hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: **These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I own nothing but a beat up couch and a microwave that doesn't work.

**One of the Boys?**

"BELLA!OMGYoulooksodifferent!IcantbelieveIhaven'tseenyouinTWOMONTHS!EEEEEK!!!!!!!"

Ladies and Gentlemen… Alice Cullen.

Alice has been my best friend ever since my brother and I moved to Forks to live with our Dad when I was 10. We've spent the last two months staying with our Mum, back in our old home – Sydney, Australia.

Our parents split up when I was a baby and our Mum moved us to Sydney wanting a fresh start. I think she just wanted to get as far away from Dad as possible. She had fallen out of love with him and thought the distance would do him good. And then, 8 years later, she remarried a travelling musician by the name of Phil and we moved back to live with our Dad. Although I will always be an Aussie girl at heart, I am glad we came back to Forks. If we hadn't, we never would have met our amazing friends, or been able to get to know our father Charlie.

"Ease up Pixie, give the girl some air!" My brother, Emmett, obviously thought the little black haired tyrant currently strangling me was hilarious. He missed her too.

It was great to be back, but being in Sydney had been as easy as breathing. No-one made fun of my accent, it was completely normal for me to live in shorts and a singlet top, it was expected that a girl know how to surf and handle her beer. I was normal. Funny how being back there, fitting in again, things started to change.

The first thing that changed was my 'look'. My mother decided it was time to change things up. Not drastically mind you, just enough to start showing off my newly acquired curves and adding a little feminism to my attire. She knew what I was comfortable with and didn't push it, but her excitement in the changes started to rub off on me. I became used to wearing skirts, liking it even. I had travelled back to Forks in a pale, distressed denim mini and a white wife-beater. Still casual enough to be me, but now it came across as less of a tomboy thing. My trademark plait had replaced with a myriad of hair styles. I was now sporting one of my favourites – half of my hair was braided messily to the side, with the rest falling loosely in natural curls. I was even wearing a little make-up. I think the new look is what now had Alice speechless.

"Alice, if you keep your mouth open like that, you are going to start catching flies."

Edward. My other best friend. He and Alice were siblings, almost as close to me as my own brother. Edward was a senior, like Emmett, both less than a year older than Alice and I. I threw myself at my brother from another mother, causing a mass of tangled brown and bronze hair. As I hugged him, I realised just how much I had missed him.

"I missed you too, kid." Edward's response to my bone-crushing hug was muffled, as his head was currently residing in the hair on my neck.

I pulled back to see them both. It was good to be home.

Emmett was obviously feeling a little left out and pulled us all in for a group hug – Dad included. "Ah, family, it is good to be back."

___________________________________________________

Alice was bouncing up and down in the backseat of Charlie's car on the way back from the airport. Edward and I looked at each other over her head in the middle and laughed. It was amazing how easily we had all immediately slipped back into our little group again.

"Oh Bella, please promise me you will never leave me like that again? Summer was so BORING with only Edward to entertain me."

Edward immediately became defensive towards his sister's accusations.

"Hey – I am not the one who disappeared constantly. I have no idea where you were half the time, Alice!"

Alice winked at me and chuckled. "All in good time, brother dearest."

"You have been saying that all Summer and it has not become any less cryptic or annoying."

Charlie and Emmett had been laughing along with me at the Cullen sibling exchange.

"Bells, Emm, believe it or not, but your old man missed you too. Will you both be home tonight?"

"Wouldn't dream of being anywhere else, Dad. I am sure that Carlotta missed me as much as I did her."

"Emmett, do you have any idea how weird it is that you have named your bed? Seriously, Dad, I think we need to take him to see someone."

"Yeah Dad, whilst I am talking to someone, maybe we should speak with them about Bella's lovely new habit of tal-"

"Emmett, if you know what is good for you, you will shut the hell up right about now."

The whole car fell silent. I don't think the others had ever heard me talking to my brother-slash-best friend like that before.

"Aww, didn't Alice tell you? They will be finding out soon enough. Esme and Carlisle are letting them stay over at ours tonight – we are having a sleepover!"

I audibly groaned at the thought. Over the Summer, my look isn't the only thing that had changed. Sure, I had become more confident and dressed a little better, but had also developed an extremely embarrassing habit. I now talked in my sleep.

"What is he talking about, Bella? You both have us intrigued…" Edward's curiosity and amusement dripped from every word.

"Don't worry Edward, if you are staying over, you will find out soon enough.

___________________________________________________

As Charlie pulled the car up to the house, I realised that I hadn't been able to say a proper 'hello' to him. After we carried all of the bags into the house, I pulled him aside into a big hug. I had missed him so much.

Charlie wasn't usually good with affection, which is why it surprised me that he hugged me back just as hard. I couldn't imaging what it was like for him in the house alone for two months and was glad to be back and fill the space again.

"Missed you Dad"

"Missed you too Bells"

As we pulled away, he held onto my arms, taking in the changes in me that were plain to see.

"Looks like Sydney agreed with you"

"It always does" I smiled at him, hoping I wouldn't make him feel bad for me having to leave there again. When we first arrived in Forks I wasn't so pleased, and made it known to the world.

"You know what I mean, honey, you look so different. It is like you grew up more in the two months you spent with your Mum then you have in the last six years you have lived here." His voice started to choke up a little. I didn't like that.

I pulled him back into a hug again, before pulling away and continuing.

"I had to grow up sometime, Charlie. Renee just gave me a little push in the right direction to get it kick-started. I am still the same Bella. Don't worry! I will be up, bright and early tomorrow, ready to go to the beach so you can fish and I can surf. You'll see. I even have a new wetsuit to help against the cold water in La Push!"

He smiled, obviously placated by my assurance that our Sunday morning ritual wasn't going to change any time soon.

"Good. You know, I have been catching way to many fish lately – no hoons on board chasing the fish away"

Emmett, of course, caught this last comment as he came bounding into the room.

"What is that about hoons on boards Dad? Haven't you got a nicer term to describe your favourite offspring. The fruit of your loins, oh loin fruit that we are? Apples from yo-"

"Emmett, seriously, if you make any more fruit references, I am going to gag"

Charlie was glowing now. It was so good to see how happy he was to have us back.

"Yes, well, loin fruit, I am out of here. There is no way I am going to sit through an Alice Cullen sleep over party. I am going to go down and crash at Billy's. Meet you at the beach at 6."

He grabbed his bag as he walked out the door, not bothering to wait for a response. He knew that we would be there bright and early – that is when the best waves were around and before any annoying grommets turned up to start pissing us off.

"Did he just say SIX?"

Uh-oh. Alice stood in the doorway to the living room where she and Edward had been setting up the sleeping arrangements.

"Yes Alice, he did. You know we always go to the beach with Dad on a Sunday morning."

"But Bel-la, I thought that your new sexy wardrobe change may have inspired you to find better things to do with your time! Like shopping! Why would you want to go to the beach and spend hours getting your fingers all pruny and your hair all mussed up?" Her patented pout was out in full force.

"Just because I learnt how to wear a skirt, doesn't mean I am not still a surfer girl Alice. Sorry to disappoint."

"Well I, for one, am glad to see that some things haven't changed" I couldn't help but smile as his laughing green eyes met me over the top of Alice's head.

It was good to be back.

**A/N**

**I hope you liked the first chapter. I already have the next three written and they will be posted over the next couple of days.**

**Please review – I promise to reply!**


	2. Some Things Changed

**A/N:**

As promised, here is the next chapter. My self-worth relies on you liking it!

**Disclaimer: **These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I own nothing but a beat up couch and a microwave that doesn't work.

**Some things changed**

Alice and Edward had set up the living room in the same way we have since we started having our sleepovers years ago. Four mattresses side-by-side covering the floor with a mess of blankets over the top.

Emmett bounded past me, claiming the mattress closest to the kitchen as always. "Mine!"

Alice claimed the mattress furthest away from Emmett before Edward or I could. She knew it was the most likely place anyone could sleep and still end up with blankets in the morning. Emmett was a doona-hog.

"Alice! Won't you let me have that one? I have just spend days on a plane returning to you. Can't you let me have it, please?" I pulled out some of my newly acquired skills, including puppy dog eyes and a pout and tried to use them to full effect.

It got me nowhere.

"Nice try, Swan. You been practicing that?" Alice laughed off my attempt as she put her favourite pillow on her claimed mattress. It was an unspoken rule that once a person's pillow was in place, there was no way of moving it.

"Yes, I have. Didn't it work, even a little bit?" I moved my pillow onto the mattress next to Alice. No way was I sleeping directly next to Emmett. I figured, the further away I could get, the more likely I was to stay slightly covered.

"Not on me, Bella. I have been pulling that face for years! Nice try though."

Edward moved next to me, placing his pillow on the unclaimed mattress and an arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry Bella, I'll protect you from the Bear."

Alice suddenly jumped up, pulling me away from our brothers and towards my room. "Next two hours is girl-time boys, so unless you want to come up here and talk tampons, I recommend you become reacquainted with the Wii and organise for the pizza to be here on our return!"

Alice pulled me up the stairs, not releasing my arm the entire way. I finally pulled it back from her once she had closed my door.

"What the hell, Alice? I think you pulled my arm out of its' socket!"

She turned towards me and suddenly I was scared. Her eyes were dark and her hands were on her hips. Uh-oh.

"What the hell, Alice? What the hell, ALICE? WHAT THE HELL, BELLA?"

I was seriously confused and left speechless by her sudden outburst. I rubbed my shoulder and sat on my bed, preparing myself for whatever was to come next. I had learned it was best not to interrupt when she was in this mood.

"I have spent the last two months. TWO MONTHS. Missing my best friend. I missed fighting with you over Sunday mornings, dragging you shopping, fighting over getting you into a skirt. I even started to miss _loosing_ those fights. And you waltz back here looking like _that_? And talking like _that_? Where did my best friend go?"

All of a sudden, tears started to well in her eyes and I stood up to hug her.

"I'm still here, Alice. I am just a little better dressed now" she chuckled at this, but it was still marred by a sob "So I learned how to wear a skirt and started reading Seventeen. I am still me. We have already fought over Sunday morning. I am still your best friend. Just with 10% more confidence and fashion sense. I thought you would like it."

"I do like it, Bella" she pulled away from me, showing the sincerity in her eyes "Really, I do. I just feel like I have missed out on a massive turning point in your life. We have done everything together since we were 10 and I feel like we are out of synch. That is what I don't like."

I sighed, pulling her down onto the bed. We faced each other silently for a moment before I spoke.

"I am sorry Alice. I should have told you when we spoke on the phone, but I wanted to see the look on your face when you saw me. I promise you, I haven't changed that much. You are still my sister."

"Promise?" Alice's voice was quivering again. She sounded like the 10 year old I had met all those years ago.

"Forever. And to prove it to you, I am going to let you go through all of my bags and see all of my new clothes."

"Goodie!!"

Alice bounced up and immediately started pulling things out of my bags.

After about five minutes of her frantic upheaval of my bags, I started to realise that she was classifying all of my clothes into three distinct piles.

I was almost too afraid to ask, but the curiosity was killing me. "Alice, what do the piles mean?"

"Well, that one is the stuff we are donating, that one is the stuff that I approve of, and that one is the stuff I need you to show me with you wearing before I can decide." She pointed to each pile as she spoke, not once breaking from her task.

"Ali, I said you could see my new clothes, not get rid of any of them."

As she threw the last of my clothes onto the piles, she turned and looked at me. "Bella, most of the stuff in the Eww pile is stuff that you left Forks with. It obviously doesn't go with the new look you are rocking. And I am sorry I didn't say it before, but you are seriously _rockin_ that outfit. Who knew you had those legs?" She ended with a giggle.

"Ok Ali, I'll make you a deal. All of the stuff in the Eww pile, as you so respectfully call it, can be put into the bottom of my dresser. I will agree to wear only two items from those drawers a week. I am pretty sure I can show you how I work them into the new wardrobe. I even think you will let me move some of the items up with the rest of the clothes."

"Bella, that is way more than 10% added confidence. I like it. Deal."

Alice put out her hand for me to shake. What had I gotten myself in for?

The next hour passed, with me putting on outfit after outfit, and ended with all of my clothes away in my dresser and wardrobe. I was not completely pleased with how many of my favourites had been classed in the lower Eww drawers, but I was confident I could bring her around on a few of them.

Alice made it clear that we were done when she handed me a matching pajama set to put on and changed into one for herself.

"Damn, Bella, these are comfy! I have never heard of Peter Alexander before!"

"I think he has a couple of stores in the USA, but he is really well known in Australia for making fantastic pyjamas. His things are the only ones I wear to bed now."

"Thank god you retired those raggy sweat pants!"

I had to agree with her when I looked at our reflections in the mirror. I was wearing a navy blue cotton tank top and shorts set. The top had white lace on the trim and the shorts had white polka dots. They were really short, but the outfit was one of the comfiest I owned. My hair was now in a high side ponytail, enhancing the girliness of my PJs.

Alice had chosen a similar ensemble – except it was silk and in pink. She had grinned when she realised I had bought it for her.

"Come on Ali. Let's go downstairs and make sure The Brothers have remembered to order the pizza."

We linked arms and giggled as we skipped down the stairs.

___________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­"WHAT ARE YOU TWO WEARING?!?" Edward screamed at us as we bounded into the living room, still laughing and arm in arm.

"Pyjama's" I answered him calmly, as Alice obviously wasn't going to. She just scoffed at him and took her spot on the couch.

He glowered at my casual response. "According to whom?"

"Peter Alexander" I answered sweetly, ignoring his glare.

He wasn't swayed by my new response to his overbearing diatribe. "Peter Alexander is a dirty old perve."

"Oh, shut it Edward. You know, the overbearing older brother shtick is old. Get a new routine. This one is boring me."

"SNAP BELLS! Hahaha. You got owned, Eddie!" Emmett's laugh filled the room, and Alice and I joined him in his laughter.

Edward's mood, however, did not improve. He was simply stunned to silence by my outburst. His eyes changed from anger, to disbelief, and then to hurt. "I had hoped you hadn't changed so much, Bella. I thought you were still my little sister. Seems there is a lot we missed out on."

Alice, thankfully, chose this time to pitch in. "Calm down, Edward. She is still the same, just with a little more confidence and fashion sense, that is all. Don't be such a drama queen. She just spent 20 minutes arguing with me when I tried to throw away that ratty old t-shirt of yours that she wears. Trust me – Isabella Swan is still in there."

He smiled a little at this. He had given me the t-shirt before I went to Sydney, insisting that he wanted it to have a good holiday with me. I had worn it way more often than I should have.

"Honestly, Edward. Settle. You are still my brother. But you are going to have to get used to the fact that I am a Junior this year and I am growing up. It has just taken me a little longer than Ali. Jeez, you didn't freak out this much when she started dressing more like this!"

He pulled me down to the floor to sit between his legs and hugged me from behind, whispering "That is because she didn't look quite like that, Bella." I was shocked by his admission, but my face was luckily hidden from the others as they were behind me on the couch beside him. I had barely recovered when he continued. "Ok Bella. I promise to try and tone down the overbearing older brother shtick, but have a little patience, ok? It is going to take more than a couple of hours."

"Are you guys done with the Brady moment? Because I am STARVING! Let's order pizza." Thank god for Emmett. He was always a trustworthy tension breaker.

___________________________________________________

Thankfully, my new sleep-talking habit wasn't noticed by the others that night, we were all so worn out by our reunion and filled with pizza that the alarm for Emmett and I went off before we realised.

I was the first to wake and laughed at the sights to my left and right.

Edward had done his job, protecting me from the Bear, but had ended up completely uncovered himself. He was curled into a ball and had almost turned blue from cold. Emmett was swathed in a pile of blankets, his curly hair matching my own, the only thing poking out from underneath them. Alice was likewise still dead to the world, sprawled out on her stomach and lightly snoring.

I raised to turn off the alarm, covering Edward with my blankets as I did. His body relaxed immediately and he fell into a deep sleep.

After quickly showering and putting on my gear, I went back downstairs to wake up Emmett. To my surprise, he was also dressed and ready to go.

Unfortunately, he was not quite as perky as I was. "You were stomping around upstairs so much you woke me up. A gentle little shake of the shoulders when the alarm went of would have been a lot nicer, sis." He grumbled at me, as he grabbed his keys and held open the door for me.

"Yeah, but not half as fun, Brother Bear"

We didn't bother waking Edward and Alice. Over the years we had all developed a routine – we would go off surfing for a few hours and let them sleep. By the time we would get home, they would be awake and ready for the hot breakfast we bought back with us. It was nice.

Charlie was already at the beach when we got there, right on six.

"Hey kids, good to see you!"

"You saw us last night, Dad."

"I know, Bells, but it is still good to see you."

"Yeah, well, it is always good to see me!" Emmett yelled as he dropped his things and ran towards the surf with his board.

I looked to Dad to get his permission first. I knew he had missed us and wondered if he wanted to spend some one on one time with me instead.

"Go on Bells, we can catch up on things later."

"Thanks Charlie!" I pecked him on the cheek before joining my brother in the surf.

Growing up in Sydney, spending time at the beach was basically a requirement. Mum had put both Emmett and I in Nippers (junior surf-lifesaving) as soon as we were old enough and we both thrived being in the water. There was nothing like the feeling of catching a good wave and having it all to yourself. The rest of the world faded away and it became just you and the elements. Time didn't exist, just the wind in your hair and the spray on your face. The feeling never got old. It was like spending time with friends.

When Emmett and I moved in with Dad, we quickly realised that his Sunday morning fishing spot also held some pretty good surfing opportunities. It had been like the beaches at home, too cold and rainy, but it was enough to keep us going. We both loved it now, as much as the beaches back in Sydney. We knew it like the back of our hands, where the sand bars were, where the rips developed. It was a home away from home.

Charlie called us back to him after a couple of hours, claiming that we had scared away the fish. He always said this, but with the biggest grin on his face that we knew he didn't mind.

We picked up breakfast, as always, on our way home and spent the rest of the day with Alice and Edward. We showed them photos of our holiday (the ones we didn't post on facebook for everyone to see) and watching TV. Things felt a little weird, but I put it down to the fact that it had been so long since we had hung out. We would get our groove back soon.

When they left, we all agreed to travel to school separately in the morning, so we could get as much sleep as possible.

School. Grrr. I was glad to be back, but seriously, what teenage girl really looks forward to the new school year?


	3. Caught You Staring

**A/N:**

Two updates in one day! Happy Friday!

The start of school. I hope I have got it right – I am Australian, so don't really understand the American school system. Any helpful hints are gratefully received!

**Disclaimer: **These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I own nothing but a beat up couch and a microwave that doesn't work.

**Caught you staring**

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Damn alarm

"Not such a morning person when you don't get to go surfing, are you Lil Sis?"

Emmett was bouncing up and down on my bed, as I raised the covers and tried to pretend I was still asleep. "Go away Emm. It's too early"

"Is not. It is exactly the time you told me you wanted to wake up. Said you had to have more time to get ready these days, you did. Or is the old Bella creeping back towards us?"

"ARG, Emmett, no. I just don't want to go to school, ok?" I threw the covers off and walked into my bathroom, almost slamming the door behind me.

"Tou-chy!" Emmett taunted through the door, before (hopefully) leaving my room.

After showering and straightening my hair, I dressed and prepared myself for school. I had put a lot of thought into my back-to-school outfit and decided a while back what it would be. I pulled on black skinny jeans and paired them with a low cut midnight blue tank top, pointed black kitten heel boots and a long necklace. It was still feminine, but with a little rock chick edge. It was a mix between the old and new Bella's – comfy yet confident.

I looked longingly at my guitar, wishing I could stay in my room with my new obsession. Renee's husband Phil was an aspiring musician and had spent countless hours teaching me the how to play. We were all surprised how quickly I had picked it up and I loved it. I sighed as I took one last look, promising myself at least an hour of playing tonight as a reward for going back to school.

Emmett took little notice of my outfit as we walked together to his jeep. He knew better these days than to comment, especially after my rant at Edward on Saturday night. This didn't stop him, however, from cautioning me before we left the Jeep once at school.

"Just remember, Bells. Just because I am getting used to seeing you dressed like that, everyone is expecting you to rock up in loose jeans and one of Edward's t-shirts. You tell me if anyone gives you trouble, ok?"

I appreciated his restrained big-brother talk and smiled at him.

"Thanks Emm. I promise."

Alice was bouncing towards the Jeep as I jumped out.

"BELLA! Are you as excited as I am? Oh my god I love your outfit. Are those Sass and Bide jeans? I am so borrowing them. I can't wait for everyone to see your new look, Mike Newton is going to die. And Tyler, and Eri-"

"Enough, Alice. I think Bella gets the message. All of the boys are going to die." Edward snapped at her, but staring at me. It was a look I hadn't seen before and I didn't know if I liked it. He continued to stare at me briefly before walking away, muttering to himself.

"Should we look into medicating him or something?"

Alice laughed me off "Don't worry about MoodWard, Bella. You have hot new you to show off. Let's go! Later Emmett!"

"Later little sisters" Emmett handed me my bag as he ran off to find his girlfriend, Rosalie. She had gotten back from vacation late last night, so they hadn't seen each other yet. Rose was a senior, like The Brothers, but was also really good friends with Alice and I. She was gorgeous – tall, blond and tough. She and Emmett had been together since their Freshman year and were perfect for each other.

I started to realise that Edward wasn't the only one that had been staring at me, in fact, it felt like the whole school was. I was expecting it, but it didn't make it any less unsettling. In a school this small, any change was front page gossip. Even if it was just my wardrobe.

Alice noticed me becoming increasingly uncomfortable. "So, Bella. Do you want to know what I have been doing to escape GrumpyWard this Summer? You are not the only one who has been improving herself…"

"What do you mean, Alice? I am sorry, I am such a crap friend – I didn't even ask you how your Summer was!"

"Don't worry – your changes definitely took precedence over mine. You look completely hot, by the way."

I did a little curtsy as we walked, much to her delight – and shock of everyone still staring at us. "Thank you"

"You are welcome. Anywho – you'll never guess what I did, so I am just going to tell you... I learned how to play the drums!"

Ok, didn't see that one coming.

"You did what? That is fantastic Alice, but how, who, _why_?"

"Mum and Dad thought it would be a good way to get rid of some of my excess energy. Silly parents. Turns out, I love playing, am fantastic, and it makes me even more hyper than normal" She started giggling like a hyena, making everyone that had stopped looking at us, start again. "They sent me to the community college for a summer tuition. I have a set of drums in the cottage and have a private tutor now. His name is Garrett and he is uber-cool. Edward doesn't know though, coz music is his 'thing' and his moods were bad enough as it was"

The cottage was a little rundown house on the outskirts of the Cullen property. They lived outside of town in a huge house. The benefits of generations of overachievers and clever breeding.

"That is awesome Ali – I would love to hear you play!"

"Definitely. I practice every afternoon – come over whenever you want. This is my stop"

I didn't even realise that we had arrived at her homeroom. I hated alphabetical homeroom.

We blew kisses, like we always did, and I walked towards my first class.

___________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Despite my internal grumbling, I didn't hate homeroom that much. One of my good friends, Jessica Stanley had been next to me since Freshman year. Her face lit up when I walked in and sat next to her.

"Bella, Oh My G–, is that you?" She was beaming as she took in my new look.

"Hi Jess. Yep, Bella 2.0 ready and reporting for Junior year."

She looked shocked at my response.

"What did they do to you in Australia? Strap you down and inject you with excessive amounts of the coolness gene?"

"Haha, no. I just did some shopping with my Mum and found a new look. The attitude just came with it, I guess. Nothing major. How was your Summer?"

As much as I loved Jess, I knew the minute I turned the conversation on to her, she would start a long winded story. Turns out she and our friend Mike had started dating, but I lost count during her recap of how many times they had broken up and gotten back together again.

"So are you guys together now? Sounds like it has been quite the drama. I always thought you guys would be good together though."

"Thanks Bella. No, we aren't together at the moment. He started babbling about something stupid like wanting to start his Junior year as a free man, so we split up on Saturday night. It is for the best. He is such a dick sometimes."

We both laughed at her spot-on assessment of Mike Newton when our homeroom teacher walked in and started taking attendance. We weren't able to pick up our conversation until we were walking to our next class. Jess seemed to have taken the down-time during homeroom to come up with a million questions for me though.

"So, Bella. What really triggered the new you? Is it around to stay? Did you pick up any hot boys Down Under? Have you traded in your V-Card? Because the confidence that you are showing right now has to be down to a little more than 'My Mum took me shopping'".

"Ok, calm down Jess. One at a time. The trigger? I felt like a change. Going back to Sydney made me realise how much I hadn't changed, and how ready I was for a change. I spoke with my Mum about it and she suggested we start by updating my wardrobe. After I started wearing new things, I noticed how differently people were treating me and I started reacting differently. It feels nice to be noticed now, you know? Standing around in Emmett's shadow can get a little… well... As for the boys thing, nothing of significance. I did meet some cool guys, but my V-Card is still very much my own."

"Glad to hear it."

Damn it. Edward had obviously been walking behind us whilst I was talking and caught my telling Jess about the guys. Even Emmett hadn't been happy when he caught me kissing Daniel (a local surfer GOD) at the beach back in Sydney.

"So Bella, who were these boys?" Edward was obviously keen for more information. His glare was making a comeback. As if I wanted to trigger his shtick again.

"Calm down Edward. Nothing to see here. Move along."

"You heard the hottie, move along Cullen" Eww, James Hunter. School sleaze bag. "You can't Bogart all of the hot new honey's that start at Forks High."

He obviously didn't recognise me. I winked at Edward, hoping that he would catch on to my plan.

"Aww, James. I am hurt. You don't recognise me? After all we have been through?"

James looked me over, trying to work out how I knew his name. I felt like I needed a shower when his eyes lingered on my boobs for way to long.

"I don't think I know you sweetheart. I have all of the fine young things like you catalogued. I am struggling though, whether to file you under T or A. You carry off both very well." Yep, definitely going to need a shower.

"Tell me, James. Where do you have Bella Swan filed in your skeezy little system?" Edward smirked, deciding to join me in my taunting.

"Cullen, you are the only guy in the school who bothers with that book nerd. She is under D for Don't Bother. Go away." He practically snarled at Edward before turning his attention back at me.

Time to go in for the kill. A crowd was gathering. "Well then James, I recommend you revisit your filing system. Can I really be filed under D, T and A? How about you do us both a favour and remove my card completely. I, _Bella Swan_, wouldn't go near you if my life depended on it. STDs just ain't my style."

With that, I turned my head and walked away, pulling Edward with me. I made sure to put a little extra sway in my walk as we went, and totally enjoyed the applause that erupted in my wake. I was almost tempted to turn around just to see the look on James' face. Almost.

Edward walked me silently to my next class. He must have noticed my schedule on the fridge when he stayed over. Overprotective tool.

I gladly returned his silent treatment with one of my own and walked into my classroom without giving him a second look.

English and Economics blended into a blurred mix of catching up with friends and ignoring unwelcome advances. It was great to see Angela and Lauren again, even if I felt I was repeating my earlier conversations with Jessica. They had both had a great Summer, watching the soap opera that was Jess and Mike. Unfortunately, the latter was one of my not so secret admirers. I hoped he would calm it down a little around Jessica at lunch. As soon as I had walked into English, he slammed his fist down on the desk and howled, earning high fives from the guys sitting around him.

"Damn, looks like the girl from Down Under has gone and gotten herself some HOTT curves. Where you been, girl? And when do you want to come over to my place?" He started winking at me and running his tongue over his lips. Yep, definitely going to need a shower when I get home.

"Well whilst I was off developing these _curves_, Newton…" I sauntered over to him, running my hand down my hip, remembering that a great defence is a good offence "were you off developing a tick or something? Looks like you got something in your eye." With that I turned around, walking back to my desk, grinning at Angela.

The whole class erupted in laughter and Mike's cronies definitely weren't high-fiveing him. Bella 2 – Skeezy boys 0.

Unfortunately, my saunter may have been the only thing that Mike noticed, because he followed me around like a puppy dog all the way through to lunch. I hoped that Jessica had heard about me trying to fend him off and wouldn't be too pissed at me.

After grabbing my lunch, whilst ignoring Mike, I walked over to my usual table and sat down next to Alice.

"So, Bella. I hear you have been terrorizing all of these poor high school boys." Alice did an eyebrow wiggle that was way too comical.

"Haha, no Alice. Just the ones that deserved it"

Jess sat down, catching what I had said. "Well Bella, so long as one of those guys is Mike Newton, keep on keeping on. I heard what he said to you. He deserves all of the terrorizing you can lay out.

We all started laughing then and the conversation quickly moved on to everyone's Summer holidays and the general things girls talk about. Although I kept getting gross looks from Mike, James and a few less vocal pervy guys, I was able to enjoy lunch with my girlfriends like we had since Freshman year.

The one thing that had changed was that Edward, Emmett and their usual gang didn't sit with us. Although we were in different years, we all usually hung out together. I looked around the cafeteria and saw them sitting at a table across the hall from us. Alice noticed me quietly looking at them – not much gets past her.

"I guess they have decided they are too cool for us now that they are Seniors. Shame. Did you see the new meat?" Alice was practically eye-fucking a new blonde guy perched across from Emmett. He was cute, I guess, but not really my type. Blonde, curly hair, blue eyes, tall and lanky. Not that I liked guys as big as Emmett, but a bit of tone was nice.

"Just your type Alice. What are you going to do?" Jess knew Alice almost as well as I did, so she knew she would have a plan.

She winked slyly at us "He is obviously making friends with The Brothers. I am going to play it cool to begin with, wait and see what he is really like before I go in for the kill. I need more information."

I sighed at a typical Alice comment. Everything was like a well thought out battle for her – even shopping. She planned everything.

"Well just be careful, Alice. If today has taught me anything, it is that men are best kept at a distance."

"Aw, poor Bella. Struggling to keep all of the man meat away?"

Lunch, and the rest of the day, was spent trading barbs with Alice. It turned out that we had biology, World History and PE together, so the time passed quickly. Each class was like the other, teachers handing out the syllabus and going over their own rules. First days are so dull.

___________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Alice invited me over to her place to hear her play the drums after school, but I had to go home first. I hadn't told her about me learning the guitar over the summer and wanted to surprise her. After Emmett and I got home (with Rosalie attached to his lips), I ran upstairs, had a shower, and grabbed my guitar case and writing book. Soon after learning how to play I had started writing songs and really enjoyed it. I was hoping that with Alice's new percussion skills, we could start a regular jam session.

I jumped in my trusty truck and headed over to the Cullen property, blaring music and singing along as I drove. There is nothing like a little Lily Allen to help a girl's mood out after a day of feral guys. I had missed driving and was almost sad when I arrived at the cottage.

I could hear Alice already playing when I jumped out of the truck. She was really good! She was paying along to a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song and was so into it she didn't notice me enter the room. I stood my guitar next to me and tapped along to the beat, dying to join in but really enjoying watching her. It was one of the few times I had seen Alice's energy make sense. She always seemed too much for her surroundings, like she was about to burst out at any moment, but behind the drums… she fit. Huh. Who would have guessed it – the girliest girl I knew was born to pound the skins.

The song ended and she realised I was there. After pausing the music she jumped up and ran over, immediately halting when she saw the guitar in my hands. She looked from the case, up to me, a few times before speaking.

"What is that?" She was obviously confused by this new development

"A guitar" I grinned a her, hoping this was heading where I wanted it to.

"Whose?"

"Mine"

Even though I was holding the case and there was no-one else around, she was still surprised by my answer. "Since when?"

"Since Phil decided to teach me and gave me a guitar of my own."

The confusion on her face started to lift into a smile. "You any good?"

My grin still held. Yep, this was definitely leading in a good direction. "Yep"

"Good. Now we just need a base player"

Maybe first days aren't so dull after all.

**A/N**

Story Alerts are lovely, but Reviews are LOVE. Please review? PleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePlease  
PleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePlease


	4. I didnt scream

**A/N**

**I suffer major fail - I forgot to post this chapter the first time around. Sorry to everyone who is going to get lots of update notices whilst I fix this oversight.**

**This is a short little chapter, but there is some important set up here...**

**4. I didn't scream**

After playing around in The Cottage for a while, Alice and I made our way back to the main house. Her mum was cooking dinner for us and The Brothers as a welcome home and I was looking forward to seeing her.

Esme and Carlisle were the Cullen parents. Carlisle was a surgeon at the local hospital and the apple of the community's eye. Esme was the epitome of maternal nurturing – the total opposite of my own mother. She gardened, brunched and made sure that a balanced meal was on the table for her family (Emmett and I included) at the end of every day. Charlie worked such long hours at the police station as Chief that we spent most evenings here.

As we walked into the house, it was weird zone. The Brothers weren't at their normal posts, in the kitchen trying to eat everything that Esme prepared. Instead, she was in the kitchen with Carlisle, talking in hushed tones. Their conversation ended as soon as Alice and I walked in.

"Girls! Bella! It is so good to have you home, sweetheart" Esme rushed over and pulled me into a hug that immediately showed how glad she was to have me back. As much as I loved my own mother, Esme filled a lot of the gaps that she had left behind.

"Hi Esme, it is great to be back. What are you cooking?"

Carlisle stole me away from Esme, giving me a hug of his own. "Your favourite, Bella. Mushroom, bacon and leek quiche. We know that Emmett will eat anything, but wanted you both to know how glad we are to have you back."

"Thanks Carlisle, and thanks Esme. I can't wait for dinner. Where are The Brothers?"

Carlisle and Esme's faces returned to the strange looks they had when we walked in. Something was definitely going on.

"Honey, I am not sure. I think they are in the basement. Why don't you girls go and try to find them? Dinner will be ready in a minute."

"Sure, Mum. We'll be back with the beasts in a second."

Alice and I walked out of the kitchen and exchanged a worried glance.

"OK, that was weird"

"Ali, I thought it was just me. Something strange is definitely going on. Let's find The Brothers."

Alice and I went down to the basement, which had long ago been turned into a games room. It had a pool table, fooseball table, a Wii and pretty much everything that was a teenage boys dream. It was given to The Brothers in exchange for us girls getting The Cottage as a play house.

When we walked in to the basement, we were surprised to see more people than just The Brothers. Jasper, the new kid and Rosalie were with them as well.

Although Emmett and Rosalie had been together for so long, she usually only came over for dinner on Sunday nights. She was the queen of extra-curriculars, so if she wasn't at cheerleading practice or whatnot, she was at home studying or writing an essay for whatever extra credit her teachers had offered. And Jasper, well, I didn't have anything against the guy, but we had never invited anyone to our nightly family dinners before. It was just so strange having standing there playing pool with the others.

I felt like I was intruding, but Alice and I had promised Esme that we would get The Brothers for dinner. "Uh, guys? Sorry to interrupt…"

Rosalie was the only on that acknowledged Alice and my entrance into the basement and came over to say hi.

"Bells, it is so good to have you back. You look wonderful."

Rose embraced me like a big sister, which I guess she basically was.

"Thanks Rose. Esme asked me to let The Brothers know that dinner was ready. Will you be joining us?"

She laughed "Yeah, we'll be up in a minute, as soon as I can drag these three away from their grudge match."

"OK Rose, thanks. Try and get them up asap? You know how Emm gets if his food is cold." Alice replied as she turned to go back up the stairs.

I followed her silently, not knowing what to think. I had come back to the house expecting to see things as they had always been. No-one had ever been invited to our family dinners. I didn't know Jasper. And worst of all… I almost didn't recognise my Brothers.

Why didn't they sit with us at lunch? Why was Edward giving me the silent treatment? Why were Rose and Jasper here? What was going on?

* * *

Dinner was strange and the usual all-inclusive conversation was broken into groups. Emmett and Edward were talking about their game of pool, practically flexing their muscles as each declared themselves the champion. Rosalie laughed at them, occasionally slapping Emmett's hand away as he tried to steal her food. Carlisle and Esme were conversing in hushed tones again about whatever it was they didn't want to hear. Alice was chirping to me about all of the great shopping adventures we were going to have now that I was more 'fashionably aware'. And Jasper… he was quiet. He chuckled occasionally at Emmett and Edward, but kept on sneaking Ali strange looks, as if she was the last life raft on the Titanic. I nodded and agreed with Alice as she continued talking about some fantastic shop she was going to take me to, but really was caught up in my own thoughts. They were as confusing as what was going on around me. It was obvious that I wasn't the only one that had changed this Summer.

Nothing was the same.


	5. A Flower

**A/N:**

Here is my favourite chapter so far. I promise this is a Bella/Edward romance, but I love Jacob, so he is in here too.

**Disclaimer: **These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I own nothing but a beat up couch and a microwave that doesn't work.

A flower

The rest of the week at school turned out to be a blast. I learned to tune out the comments of any guy that tried it on and just enjoyed spending time with my girlfriends. Alice and I hung in the Cottage every afternoon and played whatever we were in the mood for, which was great. Even though both of us had changed over the summer, even our new passions were able to be shared. It wasn't until Saturday morning that I had any issues.

Alice had a drums lesson with Garrett and I found myself at a loose end. I was washing the dishes after breakfast when Charlie walked in with a solution.

"Hey Bells, I am not sure what you had planned for today, but if you are available I am going down to La Push to see Billy. He mentioned the other day that he would love to see you."

Billy and Charlie have been friends forever. Billy lost his wife in a car accident around the same time that Renee left and they had become like brothers, bonding over their losses.

"I would love that Charlie. Give me 20 minutes to finish up here and get ready?"

He sighed. "How about I finish up here and you go ahead and get ready. You baby us too much. I'll meet you at the car in 10 minutes."

I gladly handed over kitchen tidy duty to my father and ran up to my room.

___________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Billy must have heard us pulling up to his drive and met us at the front door. "Charlie, please don't tell me that this angel beside you is your daughter Bella. She is way to beautiful to be related to you."

I blushed at Billy's comment.

"Be quiet Dad. You just with you were the only one with an attractive offspring."

I was shocked when a raven haired hottie appeared behind Billy in the doorway. He looked about 19. Tall, toned, handsome and casual. Definitely my type.

"Hush now Jacob. You wish you were as pretty as her. Come on in guys."

Although Billy had called the hottie Jacob, I couldn't believe it. Billy's son Jacob was a few years older than I was and hadn't been around whenever I had visited Billy in the past. Jacob was a talented driver and had earned himself an apprenticeship with one of the NASCAR teams at an early age.

Their house was small, but welcoming. It was obvious that two guys lived here. The living room was dominated by car magazines, overstuffed sofas and a TV. It had a casual air that appealed to me. Almost as much as Jacob was.

"See now Billy. That is why I never bring her here. You have embarrassed her into becoming a mute. What do you have to say for yourself?" Charlie's attempt at explaining my gaping did nothing but draw attention to it. Thanks Dad.

"Oh, Dad. Don't be mean to Billy. I was just letting you boys argue amongst yourselves, waiting for when I needed to step in and referee."

The men all started laughing at my comment, thankfully taking attention away from my overbearing hormones screaming at Jacob to TAKE ME… TAKE ME NOW.

But unfortunately, it seemed Billy made up for the lack of feminine décor by considering himself a matchmaker.

"Jake, why don't you take Bella out for a walk? I am sure she doesn't want to spend her day cooped up with a couple of old guys watching ESPN."

"Sure, Dad. Bella, I would to get out of the house, if you are interested?"

Jacob's eyes bore into me and I felt my hormones going out of control. Don't jump him in front of your father. Don't jump him in front of your father.

"Sure Jacob, that sounds great. Unless there is surfing on ESPN, in which case I am not going anywhere!" Thank the lord I had found my ability to speak.

Charlie chuckled. "Nothing on surfing today, honey. I checked. I knew you would be mad if you found out you missed anything."

Dear old Dad. He knew me so well.

___________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Jacob led me out of the house, but stopped and turned to me when we were on the stoop.

"So why the surfing on ESPN? Like to see the half naked men splashing around?"

From any other guy this would have sounded sleezy, but from Jacob… it was obvious that he was trying to make me comfortable with a little harmless teasing.

"No, actually. I grew up by the beach in Sydney with my Mum until my brother and I moved in with Charlie. Surfing was practically a prerequisite. I still manage to get out for a surf at least once a week, when Charlie goes fishing on La Push Beach every Sunday morning at dawn."

Jacob was speechless. For a moment I was scared that he was one of those guys that only liked girls like Alice and Rosalie – girls that didn't do anything that was considered a 'guy' activity.

"Seriously? You are the Sunday Morning Surfer Girl? No Way!"

I had no idea what Jacob was talking about, so asked him to elaborate.

"Well, for the last few years, pretty much every guy on the Res has been in love with the Sunday Morning Surfer Girl. You are a legend down here! They all thought she had moved away or something because she hadn't been sighted in a while, but rumour has it that she returned last Sunday. The day after you flew back. It is you, isn't it? Wow. My friends called me down to see you surf. You are really good."

He seemed genuinely in awe and I was more than shocked by his reaction. I thought that Emmett, Charlie and I were the only ones around the beach at that time of the morning. I shouldn't have been so self absorbed. It is a public beach after all.

I must have been silent for a while, letting Jacob's exclamations sink in, because he suddenly tried to back peddle.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. Not that there is anything to be embarrassed about. It is just that I have been away for a while, but one of the constants was the updates I would get from my friends about the Surfer Girl. They would go on and on about how she was the best surfer they had seen in ages, how hot she was, how much they hated the boyfriend that she was surfing with…"

"Woah there. Boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend!" I almost squeaked my protest, immediately feeling humiliated, but there was no way I wanted Jacob to think that I was anything but single.

"You don't? Then who is the guy that surfs with you every week?" Jacob was confused. He was adorable when he was confused.

Concentrate Bella.

"Jacob, wow. That is my older brother, Emmett! Not my non-existant boyfriend!" Ok, so maybe I was drilling home this whole, I-don't-have-a-boyfriend thing. I just really wanted to make sure it was clear.

Ok. I am a puddle on the floor. I am evaporating as we speak. I have lost all control.

Jacob grinned at me.

Seriously. This guy needed to have his smile insured. He needed to have every inch of his body insured, but his smile would definitely cost him the most to insure. It was the most incredible thing I had ever seen.

"Ok. I have three things to say to you, Bella Swan. One – every guy on the reservation is going to be VERY happy to hear that. Two – every guy on the res is going to be asking me for your phone number. And Three – I have something to show you."

Jacob took my hand and started moving us toward the garage behind the house, without me having any idea how I was moving one foot in front of the other. Seriously. His hand was hot, but I wasn't surprised. Everything about the guy screamed heat.

He stopped us in front of the door, squaring my shoulders so that I was facing him directly. I had no idea what he was doing, but I was praying to every deity that I could think of that he would touch me again.

"Isabella Swan, I know that you are a Surfer Girl, but how do you feel about cars?"

He posed his question with such seriousness that I forced myself to concentrate.

"Well, Jacob Black" two can play at that game "I don't really know that much about them, but I am open to learning more."

"Good answer. Come with me."

OK, I really needed to get my mind out of the gutter.

Luckily, my attention was diverted when he opened the door. A beautiful vintage car was in the centre of a car guy's wet dream. The garage had everything I imagined a car guy's wet dream would be made of. I had seen Emmett drool over enough car stuff to recognise a few things in there, even if I didn't know the names of them.

I walked over to the car with reverence, almost touching it but not quite, as I walked around it. It was obviously a work of art.

"OK, so I should have filmed that reaction, because adding that to your Surfer Girl reputation would be enough to make any guy on the Res go insane."

Jacob's voice took on an even huskier level to his already melt-worthy tones, bringing my attention directly back to him. I needed to snap out of this. The new Bella didn't drool, she sauntered.

"I am sure I don't know what you are talking about, Jacob. But I would like you to tell me about this car, it is beautiful."

He laughed and shook his head, almost as if his thoughts were as cloudy as my own.

"Bella, please, call me Jake." OK, Jake. Can is that what you want me to be screaming later too? STOP IT BELLA!

Thankfully, he didn't wait for a response before he continued.

"This is a 1974 convertible two-door Triumph Stag. I have been restoring it for the last few years, doing bits and pieces whenever I am home. Unfortunately, that isn't as often as I would like."

His mood turned suddenly towards a darker tone and, although I wanted to know the reasoning behind it, all I could think was that I wanted to make him feel better.

"It looks pretty good to me. Are you close to finishing?"

His smile returned, my question was obviously the right one. "Yes. I am happy to say that I am expecting the old girl to be ready for the road within the week, so long as I can find the time to work on her. It is hard, considering I just got back and a lot of my friends have been dragging me away."

I immediately felt guilty. He didn't need me here, taking up his time. He obviously already had plans before his father made him keep me company. But I was too selfish to leave.

"How about you work on her now? I would love to see a master mechanic in action. Maybe you can even put me to good use?" Out of the gutter Bella. Please, don't let Jake have picked up on your dirty undertones.

"Well, I can definitely think of a couple of things you can help me with, Bella. Maybe we can start with the car, huh?"

Puddle.

Was he flirting with me?

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Soon, Jacob and I had settled into a comfortable exchange, playing twenty questions as he slid in and out from under the engine, putting the almost finishing touches on his pride and joy. It was his turn to ask the next question.

"Favourite movie?"

"Empire Records. Cheesiest pick up line?"

"Nice movie choice! Umm… pick up line… Do you come here often?"

I laughed "That isn't cheesy, it is just lame!"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry I am not meeting your cheesiness standards, Miss Bella, but I can't say I know that many pick up lines. Next question!"

We continued joking around, throwing about questions, laughing and working on his car. He would stop every once in a while to show me what he was doing. Thankfully, I was genuinely interested. Jake was proving very easy to hang around with. Adding to that all of the open flirting that was going both ways, it was one of the best days I'd had in a long time.

Because of this, it wasn't surprising that I was disappointed when he wiped the grease off his hands and told me he had to go.

"I am sorry, Bella. I really wish I didn't have to, but I have plans that I just can't get out of."

"That's ok, Jake, I don't expect you to keep me company all day. Thanks for hanging out with me, it was really fun."

We had started to walk away from the garage when he suddenly stopped, picking a small daisy from the overgrown path on the way back to the house. He pushed my hair back from one shoulder as he placed it gently behind my ear, whispering "It was my pleasure, Bella."

We were paused in a moment of perfection. We had just had an amazing, easy, fun afternoon and now he was being incredibly romantic. Of course it had to be interrupted.

"Yo, Jake, you ready to go?"

Neither of us had noticed the two guys walking up the path towards us, obviously friends of Jacob's that he had made plans with.

"Nah, running a little late, guys. Got caught up with the Sunday Morning Surfer Girl here."

Their faces showed their disbelief, so Jake filled them in on how he had discovered that I was the girl they had told him about and all about my tradition with my father and brother. I don't think I imagined how much he emphasised that my surfing partner was _just_ my brother. I hoped I didn't.

Their reaction would have been comical, if it weren't so embarrassing.

Both of them dropped to their knees, proposing marriage to me on the spot.

"Surfer Girl, you don't know me, but my name is Quil Atera and I am the man you have been waiting for. Sure, I may not be the up and coming superstar that Jake here is, but I have many talents that far outshadow his" The first guy to drop to his knees confessed.

To my humiliation, his friend was quick to follow. "Surfer Girl, trust me when I say the only talents these guys have are talking out of their arses and being idiots. I am the man of your dreams. Take me. I'm yours."

Jake rushed over, pushing them both to the ground, starting a rather comical three-way tousle. Definitely good for a girl's ego.

Having her father walk in on it all? Not so much.

"What are you hooligans' doing? None of that in front of my daughter, thank you!"

They all sprung to their feet, heads hung low in mock shame.

"Sorry Chief Swan." "Yeah, sorry Chief."

Charlie laughed them off and looked to me. "You ready to go, Bells? Alice just called my mobile looking for you. Remind me, we need to get you one of your own. Sometimes I feel like she is the only one calling me."

"Sure, Dad. Ready when you are."

With a nod, Charlie started walking back to Billy to say goodbye.

I looked to Jake and his friends, all of whom were looking very disheartened.

"I don't suppose there is any way you can come and hang out with us, Bella?" Jacob's plea was very hard to turn down, but the wrath of Alice was nothing to take lightly.

"Sorry Jake. I have to go. I had a great time though. Thanks, again."

We started to walk back toward our fathers as Jacob's friends started back up their wrestling behind us.

"No worries, Bella. It was a blast. I would like to see you again soon."

His declaration would have been enough to reduce me to a puddle only hours earlier, but I'd had enough time to steal my hormones against the force that was Jacob Black.

As I jumped into my Dad's car, I looked over at him. "Sure Jake. I'll see you soon."

Charlie backed out of the drive, chuckling. "I don't think I am going to get used to you causing that reaction in boys any time soon, Bells. Try not to do it too often?"

I scoffed at him, but played along. "Sure Dad."

___________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Alice knew that something was up as soon as I walked into her bedroom.

"What happened with you? Details. Now."

I spent the next couple of hours, going over every detail of my afternoon with Jake. She squealed and sighed at all of the right places, as every best friend would. By the time Esme called us down for dinner, I was positively giddy.

Surprisingly, Edward was home and joined us for dinner. I was shocked that, as a popular senior, he didn't have other plans.

"Hi Bella. What is it that has you bouncing all Alice-like this evening?"

Esme served us out dinner as she agreed with him "I was about to ask the same question. Tell us Bella."

Alice took great pleasure in my embarrassed silence to fill them in on my afternoon with Jake. She recapped our entire conversation, but was sure to dramatically draw out the moment where he put the flower behind my ear. I fingered it lightly as she retold my story.

"Is this true, Bella?" Edward's question was almost monotone. I couldn't work out the emotion behind it. It couldn't be jealousy, could it?

"Yep. I had a wonderful afternoon."

"Your flower is dying"

"Edward! Is that all you can say? How rude are you? I don't know what has gotten into you lately, but ever since you went back to school you have become such a JerkWard! Bella, give me your flower. I will put it in my press so you can keep it forever." Alice was obviously furious at her brother's response.

"Thanks, Ali. I would like that."

After Alice returned from placing my treasure in her flower press, dinner was very quiet. Carlisle was at the hospital and Esme obviously was trying not to get pulled into the angry dynamic of her children.

Alice and I spent the rest of the night in her room, trying on clothes and swooning over Jacob. I was able to find several photo's of him on the Internet and she was very impressed.

Once we had exhausted ourselves with clothes and boys, we found sleep very easily. I retired to my usual room next to hers. I stayed over so often that I had my own, with clothes (Alice approved, of course) and all the things I needed to make it feel like my own.

I was surprised when I was woken soon after falling asleep by Edward, sitting on the side of my bed.

"Edward? What are you doing here? It is 2am."

"I can't sleep. I need to escape, Bella. I need _you _to come with me? Will you come with me?"

**A/N**

**I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter to Selfinflicted. **

**The song is changing... can you feel it?**


	6. You gotta help me

You've Got to Help Me Out

**A/N**

**Musical influences of this chapter are:**

**Khe Sahn (Cold Chisel)**

**No Aphrodisiac (The Whitlams)**

**Caution. Listening to one after the other may cause whiplash.**

As soon as I turned the light on, I was speechless. I had never seen anything like it before. The desperation of his words was nothing in comparison to the pleading in his eyes and I knew immediately I had no way of resisting Edward. My Edward. No matter how upset and confused I had been by his behaviour lately, we had too much history for me to not be there when he asked.

I was barely out of my sleep induced haze, but was aware enough to answer him. "What am I packing for? Car trip? Flight? Intergalaxial travel?" I tried to lighten the mood a little as I moved to start packing my things.

"Nothing that major, my young Padi-Wan. I just need to get in the car and drive. Other than that, I have no plans. This is a plan free zone. The open road is calling our names. Can you hear it? _Bella_… _Edward_…" His mood started to switch from anxious to giddy to fuck knows – whatever was going on with him was obviously screwing with his mind. I could see that getting out of town for the weekend was what _he_ needed.

I pulled out a bag that Charlie had bought me when he went through his Bella-and-Charlie-Go-Camping-To-Bond phase. Thankfully, the phase didn't go for long (he grew tired of Alice's frustration with my absences), but at least now I had a bag big enough to carry enough clothes and necessities to last.

I quickly packed any items of clothing I could get my hands on. My brain only registered what I was packing enough to know that I was actually putting wearable outfits in my bag… until I came across a slight issue.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" He had been sitting on my bed watching me pack and I needed him to vacate for a minute.

"How about you go to the kitchen and get us some food. Non-perishables. In case we are in the car for a while?"

Edward's grin was more than infectious, it was blinding. He needed to get away more than I had realised, and was obviously happy to have an escape partner.

"Good idea, Bella. I'm glad to hear you coming around to my way of thinking. Pack your bag fast. I'll meet you at my car in 5." I barely caught his last words as he whispered them, sneaking out of my room.

With time being short, I threw in the first available bras, panties and pyjamas I could find, rushed in and out of the bathroom grabbing whatever I thought I would need, and was done with three minutes to spare. I needed this time to leave our siblings and parents a note. I knew Edward wouldn't have thought of it – whatever it was on his mind had him completely wigged. I quickly wrote out a note, trying to alleviate everyone's soon-to-be fears. It was difficult, given the fact that I had no idea where we were going.

_Charlie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and Alice (I promise I saved the best till last, Ali),_

_I hope you are all not freaking out right now, but if you are, please stop. Edward and I are fine. We have just gone on a quick road trip. We'll call you from the road._

_Everything is ok. I promise. __We just_

_We'll call you soon._

_Love you,_

_Bella _

Edward was waiting for my by his car when I got there, boot open, feet tapping impatiently. I don't think he took a breath until my bag was between his and the cooler, seatbelts were buckled, and we pulled away from the house.

I decided that I wouldn't pressure him. Hopefully he would open up about whatever it was that was troubling him once we were out of Forks. It was pretty obvious that distance was what he needed.

I plugged in my iPod and put on some good driving music. Cold Chisel. I had long ago taken it upon myself to educate Edward on classic Australian music. There is more to it than INXS and AC/DC. Some bands even used whole words for their names. Edward started to relax as soon as Khe Sahn came singing through the stereo. And this is what was so great about our friendship. That I knew what songs would diffuse the stress of this unknown situation. That he knew I would come with him, because we were always there for each other. As much as we would never admit it to our siblings, our relationship had always been different to the ones we had with Emmett or Alice. We didn't need words. When one of us needed the other, we were there… sometimes even without realising it. It had always been like that, ever since Emm and I moved here to Forks. Edward was more than just my big brother. He was my best friend.

It was a different type of 'best friends' than with Alice. Although she loved me, I knew I drove her crazy sometimes by not fitting into her 'what a girl should be like' mould. I still didn't fit it, no matter what I looked like. And I never would. I liked to surf, I swore, and I made reference to Star Wars without even realising it. And it was these things that Edward appreciated in me. He never tried to change me. Not really. Sure there were moments when he was overprotective, but underneath it I knew he liked the fact that I was different. Because so was he.

There was so much more to Edward than anyone else knew. No-one but me knew that he cried the first time I made him watch A Walk To Remember. No-one else but me knew that he would get physically ill if he didn't play his piano for at least a solid hour every few days. No-one but me knew about that little wrinkle on his forehead that showed when he was _really_ concentrating. And it was for those reasons that I knew I was his best friend too.

All of this combined into why I was sitting in his car, driving South, with no idea where we were going. And I didn't ask, because I didn't think he knew either. I didn't need to. I just knew that the only thing he was feeling was the need to escape, and that was fine. I was just going to be there until he was ready to talk.

"Bella?" His voice pulled me out of my internal musing, softly. It was a strange contrast to the music that we were listening to, but I heard him all the same.

"Hmmm?"

"Go back to sleep. It is 3 o'clock in the morning. Let Jimmy Barnes sing you to sleep. I'll wake you for breakfast."

I smiled at his showing off. _Well done, Edward. You know the singer of Cold Chisel_ I smirked, as I let my head slump into the seatbelt and let sleep take over once again.

___________________________________________________

As my eyes opened, few things changed.

Edward knew I was awake. He changed the music.

I shifted my body.

I sat upright.

I checked for drool.

I pulled my shirt down from where it had ridden up.

But some things stayed the same.

The painted lines on the road continued to pass by the car.

The dashboard in front of me showed signs of fading from where my feed usually resided.

Cars of commuters, vehicles of stressed families in confined spaces and trucks filled with drivers anxious to get to their next location drove along in their quest to their destination.

And Edward remained quiet.

I took stock of where we were. For ten minutes I studied the signs of the road to try and establish where we were. Signs indicating a turn off to Bridal Veil showing me that I had slept for close to 200 miles of bitumen. But I was no closer to knowing why we were here. Or where we were going. I knew Edward well enough not to push it.

So I sighed. And I fidgeted. And I played DJ on the iPod, changing the music to The Whitlams, hoping that the melancholy would encourage Edward to speak. I wasn't expecting him to suddenly unload all of his issues in one breathe, but a little indication of why we were so far from Forks wasn't too much to expect.

After exhausting all of my options of physical signs of discontent, I settled into my seat and listened to why there was 'no aphrodisiac like loneliness'.

"If you want me to talk, you don't need to resort to Eternal Nightcap. All you need to do is ask"

Edward finally acknowledged my restlessness, and although he was being a smart ass about it, I wasn't going to pass the opportunity up by being pissy about it.

I had a million questions I wanted to ask him. Where were we going? What is next? Why did he need to escape? What happened to make him have to leave Forks? What was he searching for? Why did he need me to go with him?

But I didn't ask him any of these questions. They were all potentially too loaded to be able to start with them, so I tried to start off as simply as I could.

"I need to pee."

Sure, not deep and meaningful by any means, but effective nonetheless.

Edward smiled knowingly, aware that I wasn't going to push him. In unspoken (or unknowing?) appreciation, he answered my question.

"I am waiting for a sign."

Reading between the lines, it was not the clearest of answers and a tricky one at that. We were speaking in code and I couldn't push him, that much was clear. He needed space to think, at least as much space as the interior of his car would allow with both of us in here and me playing disc jockey, but I was walking a tightrope. If I asked the wrong question, Edward could possibly turn the car around and drive us back to Forks. As much as I knew our families would soon be freaking out; I couldn't let us go back yet. There were more important things going on right now.

So I decided to keep it as simple as possible. I should have noticed that Edward wasn't exactly in a simple kind of mood. In fact, as it became clear, he was being reflective. Whenever he staredt talking about signs, fate, and the reason for the universe, things usually got out of hand. I had to try and reign him into some kind of break soon. I really did need to pee.

"What kind of sign, Edward? Coz if it is one of those signs with the little man and woman that show a toilet is nearby, I am all for that fucker."

As usual, my less than ladylike manner turned his frown upside down.

"Always the classy one, Bella. Nice. But no, that is not the kind of sign I am looking for. I need something a little more divine than a restroom."

His mood suddenly turned again. His face lit up as he decided on our next move. Edward pointed to his reason for excitement.

"Ask and thee shall receive, my fair maiden. Columbia River, home of The Bridge of the Gods. Now, there is a sign if ever I saw one."

**A/N**

**I hope this chapter didn't disappoint anyone. Sorry it was a little short, but I needed to show why Bella said yes to running off with Edward (although many of us would not need a reason) and wanted to start showing more of the relationship she already has with him.**

**I swear to you… I have a lot of swoon-worthy moments coming for these two (as well as others) in my head, but I need to get us there first. I have an idea of where I want this story to go and am excited to see how we get there.**

**Because I am Australian and have limited USA knowledge, I am looking for people to bounce ideas around with. Any feedback or suggestions are welcomed with open arms and sneak peeks into upcoming chapters. Please let me know what you think.**

**Thank you to those who have put this little ditty on their alerts list. Please, take the time to review.**

**Special thanks to Geto Oreo for being onboard from the beginning, you made my day, and thank you to coldplaywhore and all of the amazing fanfic writers who have inspired me to start writing. You rock.**


	7. Out of Town

**I do not own Twilight. I do have three tickets to see Britney Spears in November though! Yay!**

6. Out of town

You know those status updates on facebook? The ones that start with your name and you can put whatever you are doing or want to say after it? Like, _Bella Swan is doing homework_. Or _Bella Swan does not want to go shopping_. Or _Bella Swan has no fucking clue what is going on here_. Yeah, those updates.

Well sometimes I find myself thinking in facebook. Not in the funny, Pirate Language setting that Emmett discovered a while ago, but suddenly thinking of what my update would be if I were on facebook right now.

_Bella Swan is hungry_

_Bella Swan needs to pee_

_Bella Swan has never heard of the Bridge of the Gods_

_Bella Swan wants to know what Edward laced his dinner with_

_Bella Swan is…_

That last one is a regular of mine. It is what I put when I don't know what I am thinking, but I know I am thinking something. When all of my thoughts are blurring around in my head and I can't catch one quick enough to be able to register what it is.

I think that is what I would have put as my status when Edward decided to take the turn off to Cascade Locks, home of The Bridge of the Gods.

Instead, I started wondering whether it was healthy for me to be thinking in facebook talk and having a discussion with my internal monologue voice. When I laughed at said voice for saying _Bella Swan doesn't need to talk out loud, there are enough voices in her head to keep her entertained_, Edward looked at me like I was the one that was going crazy.

"You ok there Bella? Is there something about Cascade Locks that I should know about? Or is it that Bella Swan is dot dot dot?"

Ok, so I may have shared my facebook talk inner monologue ramblings with him before. Cocky bastard.

"I'm fine, Jerkward. I am not the one that decided we needed to take a road trip at 2am and now wants to go to some weird bridge in the middle of nowhere. You deserve that fucktastic title all on your one-some, sweetheart. At least my updates don't always say _Edward Cullen is not going to tell you_"

Edward started laughing like a hyena at me, apparently finding my snarky defence mechanism entertaining.

"You know, Edward, having the same update all of the time is not amusing. It is downright stupid. You need to change that shit."

"Well, Bella, some of us just don't have the entertaining thought process that you have and have nothing of interest to share with the world. Don't blame me because I am an unoriginal… Jerkward, was it?"

"Well, Fucktard, I refer to my previous statement and point out the fact that you have been plenty original in the last 6 hours. Care to share what that is about?"

Crap. I wasn't going to push him. I was going to be all zen and fun and let him talk to me when he was ready.

Well the idiot should know better than to get me all worked up.

I looked at Edward and his internal monologue was obviously thinking something. But, not unlike his facebook status, he was not going to tell me. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were firmly fixed on the road. His forehead concentrating wrinkle was out in fine force and I had managed to get him worked into this state by my stupid, meaningless, snark.

Fuck.

"Fuck. Erase that last sentence. Don't share. I don't need to know. All I need to know is where I can pee and how you are going to feed me."

Edward physically jerked out of his frozen state and smirked at me. Although he was obviously trying to regain the friendly banter, his attempt at a smile made no headway with the tension in his eyes.

"Best Western, my fair Bella, holds the key to all of these important questions. We are going to book a room, use the amenities and order room service. All of this made possible by that shiny little credit card burning a hole in my pocked. Bless Esme and Carlisle for their trusting ways."

I didn't want to point out the fact that this meant they could trace us to our location. I hadn't decided yet if I wanted us to be found. So, as we pulled into the parking lot of aforementioned Best Western, I did what ever a good crazy travel buddy would do.

"Right then, Cullen. Get in there toot sweet and hunt me up a boudoir. Cause this little chicky needs to break the road seal."

"Only if you agree to stop butchering the English language with your Down Under babble. I can only take so much of it."

Edward laughed at me, with his whole face this time. Good.

The Best Western Columbia River Inn was pretty standard, as far as far as small town Inn's go. It had a turreted brick exterior and a lobby that looked like it was used on repeat in every C-grade road trip movie. There was a guy playing generic elevator music on a piano in the corner and a middle aged bored-looking housewife-type manning the desk. It was perfect.

"Welcome to Cascade Locks Best Western. How can I help you today?"

As we were walking in, I had agreed to let Edward to all of the talking. Years of training under Esme Cullen had taught him how to deal with people in the service industry and the best tricks in the book. I was under strict instructions to stay by his side and do nothing but smile and nod. I could do that.

Edward had already slipped into his well rehearsed charming self. I recognised the routine from whenever his mother's friends are over, or when he is trying to get a mechanic to fix my truck without declaring it a writeoff.

"Good morning, Emily. My name is Edward Cullen, and this is Bella. We unfortunately don't have a booking, but were hoping you would have a vacancy for us? We have been on the road for a while and Bella is in dire need of a comfy bed and the best continental your kitchen has to offer us. Would that be possible? Money is no object, of course."

I don't know why he bothered with the whole, _I paid attention to your nametag and you are my new best friend_ bullshit. All he needed to say is the money thing and he had her attention. But I was just the window decoration in this conversation, so smiled at her and nodded – never let it be said that I can't follow instructions.

"Of course, I know exactly what you need."

Within three minutes, he had her calling him Edward and agreeing to have breakfast sent to our room in half an hour with brochures on the local sites.

Fucking charmer.

Our room was obviously the most expensive in the place, this much was clear as I walked in. As soon as I walked in, the first thing I saw was the massive stone hot tub in the middle of the room. Second to that was the huge flat screen. I didn't even pause to see anything else in my bolt to the bathroom.

Immediate issues resolved. I was trying to ignore the voices in the back of my head that said Edward and I needed to talk about why we were here. Something was obviously driving him mental. We were in the middle of nowhere, pretending that the rest of the world didn't exist. I knew it wouldn't last, but the part of me that didn't care won out. Things had been so strange since I had returned from Aus and I wanted to live in this pretend world for a while longer. I didn't let myself think of what would happen if I burst our bubble.

After searching around our room, Edward insisted that we both get some sleep. He had been driving for a really long time and, although I had been able to nap in the car, the lure of a soft bed was just too hard to ignore. Whatever the elephant in the room was, I was going to ignore it for as long as I could.

We both retired to our separate rooms and managed a good many hours sleep. After I woke up, I showered and changed into shorts and a t-shirt, enjoying the HBO that the room had to offer.

Edward woke at around 4pm, emerging from his room with his hair wet from the wake-up shower that he had obviously had. Although I was enjoying the re-run of Sex and the City (Carrie was just about to be dumped via post it note), Edward convinced me to relinquish the remote in exchange for a trip to The Bridge of the Gods.

"Is that where all of the signs are going to be, Edward?"

Although he had just woken up, his face was alive. Every fibre of him seemed to glow with his response.

"I hope so."

_____________________________________________________________________________

Once we were in the car, the bickering started.

"The Beach Boys? Interesting choice to make for this moment on our soundtrack."

"I'm feeling wistful. Besides, _God Only Knows_ is one of the best songs ever written. Show some respect."

"Your feeling ten types of crazy, Edward. Can't we listen to something a little more upbeat? If you want some retro American, all you need to do is ask. How about…"

"Don't even suggest it, Bella. Your idea of retro is Nirvana."

Our drive out to The Bridge of the Gods was filled with snark. It was helping me control the rising craziness I was feeling over not knowing what was going on with Edward, and he seemed to be enjoying it.

The drive wasn't long, but the sun was setting fast. The weather was nice, not too cold, but cold enough to feel snug in the car with the heater on. I can't say I was paying much attention on the sights around me. I couldn't say much of what I was thinking, except I was trying not to. I was slumped in my chair, with my feet up on the dash, turned slightly so I could watch Edward drive. It was easier than watching the road under us move way too fast. Dude had a lead foot.

Edward had started to have a perma-glint in his eyes that hinted something that scared me. Not in a 'he's going to cut me up in little pieces and throw me off the bridge' kind of scared, but in a 'this is a new look on his face and I don't like that I don't know it yet' kind of scared. I had been spending the quiet times in the car thinking a lot about the relationship between us and had drawn some conclusions. One of which was the fact that the ease in our friendship came from knowing each other so well. Another was that things were changing. I didn't like either.

So I chose to ignore them, again, and concentrate on anything else I could. So I picked on the music.

"Come on, Edward. I want to rock out. You're mellowing my mood. I am starting to get all introspective and shit." I was wriggling in my seat. I couldn't get comfortable, mentally or physically.

He turned to me quickly with one raised eyebrow and another unreadable expression. His response to my whining took a surprising turn. Instead of responding with sarcasm, he paused and then spoke softly.

"What are you thinking, Bella?"

The tone of his voice threw me completely. I wasn't ready for this. I knew if I told him what I was thinking, he was going to have to start saying what he was thinking and I wasn't ready. I needed more time.

"I was thinking that for a town that prides itself on being the Home of the Bridge of the Gods, it sure as hell is a long way from it. Aren't there some kind of false advertising laws we can appeal to? Haven't we spent enough time in the car? Your passenger seat is starting to get a permanent imprint of my ass."

Edward pulled the car onto a gravel path and parked. He chose to ignore my rant.

_Bella Swan is nervous_.

"We're here. Get your ass out of my passenger seat before the damage is irreparable."

Edward practically bolted out of the car, running towards the bridge in front of us.

"See that, Bella? It is a sign."

"Well done, genius. It is a sign saying that we are at The Bridge of the Gods. Does the back of the sign have anything more to say?"

"Stop, Bella. It is getting old. If you stop criticising everything and everyone around you for one minute you might actually start enjoying yourself."

Edward snapped at me. Edward never snaps at

_Bella Swan is in uncharted territory_.

Apparently, the Bridge of the Gods was opened in 1926 and links Washington with Oregon. It is a Cantilever through truss design and was named after a famous geological event in local Native American culture known as Bridge of the Gods. The bridge marks the lowest elevation on the Pacific Crest Trail. These were all handy bits of information on Edward's new favourite sign.

As I walked toward it, I started to notice the stillness of the river and the aged trees at its sides. The sun was setting and we were in the middle of nowhere. It was quiet.

It was beautiful.

I felt calmer, joining the trail and walking out onto the bridge. In Forks, there is natural beauty everywhere, but not like this. This was a simpler beauty. It didn't have the webs of moss and canopy of Forks. You could see the sky between the trees. Everything had its own place and you could see it. It was ordered.

Although the bridge was a manmade structure, it fit. It was like they just built it here because God forgot to.

I stopped, about a quarter a way along the bridge and leant against the railing, looking down the river. I had no idea what I was looking at, which towns were next along the Columbia, but it didn't matter.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the slightly crisp air blow my hair around a little. I listened to the birds. I listened to the water lap around the bridge's supports and wondered what creatures lapped with it.

I took a moment.

For all of my newfound confidence, it was nice to know that I could still do this. Stop and smell the roses, so to speak. Before, one of my favourite things was to find a new quiet place. Somewhere that no-one else was, and just stop. Listen. Think.

But someone else was here.

I knew he was standing next to me without having to open my eyes, so I didn't. I don't know how long we were standing there.

"Open your eyes, Bella."

I smiled at the sound of his voice, so soothing and calm. It fit perfectly with the rhythm of my mood.

But the rhythm was broken as soon as I opened my eyes.

The sun was down. The lights of the bridge were bright. The perfect nature of my surroundings that I had been enjoying were replaced with technology and steel. I must have been standing there for longer than I thought.

"An hour."

"What?"

"An hour. That is how long you have been standing there. How long I have been watching you."

"I was thinking."

"I noticed. Would you tell me what about?"

We were both leaning against the rail, looking down the river. I didn't want to look at him yet. I didn't know why.

"I was thinking about nature. I was listening to the birds. I was thinking about how things change, but some things don't."

Edward turned away from the river, leaning his back against the rail. I could feel his eyes burning into me, but still couldn't look at him.

"Doesn't everything eventually change, Bella? Isn't all change inevitable?"

He sounded so lost and I realised that we had moved onto talking about what he was thinking now. As much as the coming conversation and the uncertainty of it scared me, I couldn't ignore it anymore. So I continued to stare down the river, and started to push.

"Mostly, yes. Change is inevitable. Change is necessary. Look around you. The river is constantly moving, changing, but it is that movement and change that sustains life. That keeps things going. Without that change, the lives that depend on it would cease to exist. So they embrace the change and work with it. Isn't that what life is about?"

"Is that what was happening to you, Bella? Is that why you had to change? Because you were ceasing to _exist_? Why you are moving now?"

His hand reached out and grabbed mine, as if he was trying to hold on to something.

"I'm not moving away, Edward. I'm not going anywhere. I came back. Don't make this about me. We need to talk about what is going on with **you**."

He pulled on my hand again, pulling me towards him.

"Fuck, look at me Bella. Look at me and you will know. It is you and me, Bella. You don't need me to tell you. You never have."

I couldn't.

_Bella Swan is a coward_

"LOOK AT ME"

He strangled a sob as he yelled at me. He knew that the moment I looked at him, everything would change.

We both knew what was going on.

We were both scared.

And he was asking me to be the first to acknowledge it.

I was shaking. Edward was crying.

"_look at me_"

This time, it was a whisper. A plea. He had used up all of his strength getting us to this point. He was making it clear, it was my turn.

He squeezed my hand. _I need you._

I squeezed back. _I am here_.

And I looked at him.

**A/N**

**ARG! Sorry for the double post, I totally forgot to put in my Author's Note and I have something really important to say!**

**I HAVE A BETA!!!**

**The incredibly talented coldplaywhore has offered to beta my story, this being the first chapter that she checked over! ****I can't believe it, she is my favourite ff author and her guidance will mean great things for this story.**

**The next chapter has been written and just needs a little tweaking. Hopefully it will be up in the next couple of days.**

**Thanks to everyone who has favourited this story - please remember to review to!**


	8. What you told me

**A/N**

**Massive thanks to coldplaywhore for being a fantastic beta and for adding my little ol story to her community. You Rock, honey.**

**Ok folks, here it is. Confession time. I hope you like it. **

**I do not own Twilight. **

* * *

_Previously..._

We both knew what was going on.

We were both scared.

And he was asking me to be the first to acknowledge it.

I was shaking. Edward was crying.

"_look at me_"

This time, it was a whisper. A plea. He had used up all of his strength getting us to this point. He was making it clear, it was my turn.

He squeezed my hand. _I need you._

I squeezed back. _I am here_.

And I looked at him.

"We need to talk about this."

* * *

**7. What you told me**

We had been standing on the bridge for a long time before I could get the words out. Even as I did, they were only a whisper.

Edward smiled. Fuck, that smile.

He raised the hand that was not holding my own and cupped my cheek. "I know." His thumb brushed tears that I hadn't realised were there.

I leaned into his hand. We were starting out small. Our gestures were acknowledging what our words hadn't yet. What we were trying to find the courage to say.

"Why now?" My voice was becoming braver – it was more like a murmur now.

We both knew this would come one day. As much as we had tried over the years to categorise our feelings into a sibling relationship, they never had been. I had started breaking that to pieces the minute I told him to get a new routine. I had told him to stop with the big brother thing. I knew that. But I needed him to say it.

"Because this has been building for too long for it not to be now. Because I haven't been able to stop thinking about you from the moment you stepped off that plane." His words came out hoarse, like there was still emotion he was hiding behind them.

His thumb was still caressing my cheek. It was making it hard to concentrate. But that had nothing on his eyes. I knew the glint now. I knew it before, but we were acknowledging it now. It was new, but I knew it.

I pulled my hand up to his face, running my fingers across his brow. That little wrinkle was there.

He closed his eyes and sighed at my touch. His reaction was new and scary, but caused bubbles of excitement in my stomach that I had never felt before. His breathing had increased, because I was touching him. This was all so new.

"What have you been thinking? Your concentrating crease is working overtime."

He laughed and opened his eyes. The laugh didn't have any of the crazy in it that it had in the past few days. It was a pure laugh. Joy.

"I have been thinking that my thoughts are not exactly brotherly anymore, Bella."

The hand that had been caressing my face moved down to my waist as he pulled me into him. I rested my head on his shoulder, wrapped my arms around him, and took my turn. "I have been thinking that I don't want them to be, Edward."

I felt him chuckle as he held me tight. Everything here was new and exciting, but it was starting to get easier. His scent was unchanged, familiar… reassuring.

"Well good, because the moment you stepped off that plane…I realised it Bella. I don't want anyone else. I never have. It's always been you. There are just a few more things I want to do with you now."

I pulled away from him, grin planted firmly on my face, _really_ liking where this conversation was going.

"Really, Edward? Like what?"

His face glowed with a playful frown, as he grabbed my hands and put them back on his waist. "None of that. You have no idea how it feels. Stay close, Bella."

"Can we compromise, Edward? Coz as much as I am enjoying this, and believe me I am enjoying this, I need to see your face."

He put both of his hands on my face and lifted it up. Stepping back slightly, I kept my hold on him, but now I could see him too.

"Better?"

"Much, thank you. Now stop distracting me. You avoided my question." I pouted at him.

"Distracting you, Bella? How am I distracting you?" His voice was so light and happy, I beamed straight back at him. His hands were combing through my hair and along my face.

He knew exactly how he was distracting me.

"As much as I am enjoying you getting a little handsy, Edward, I asked you a question. What are the things you have been thinking about?"

"I believe you asked me what I wanted to be doing with you now. I thought actions would speak louder than words."

The Bridge of the Gods didn't need artificial light anymore. Edward was glowing enough to power the entire thing.

I pushed him away, taking a step back at the same time. We needed to talk about this. Acknowledge all of the changes. Work out where to go to from here. I could do that if my nipples weren't on high beam from his touches.

"Stop" I put my hands up forcefully in front of me, making it clear that I intended to keep a distance between us for a minute.

"Why?" He took a step towards me, grinning. He wanted to play.

Fuck.

"Because we need to talk about this."

I took a step back. My control was slipping. I needed distance.

"What about it?"

He took a step forward.

"I need to know what you are thinking, Edward. I need to know what this is to you. I need you to say it."

I didn't take a step back. He didn't take a step forward.

He wasn't grinning. The concentration wrinkle was back.

Edward threw his hands around in frustration and growled.

"You want to hear me say it, Bella? _I have been going insane_. When you came down those stairs in your tiny little shorts, I could think of nothing but pushing you into the wall and kissing you until our mouths bled. Then all I could think of was the fact that Emmett would make sure every other part of me would be bleeding too. But it didn't matter. Because the moment you turned up for school and every guy was looking at you like something to eat? All I could think was _**mine**_."

"So is that what this is, Edward? You don't want any of the guys to look at me, so you are hiding me away to keep me for yourself?"

I didn't know how the conversation had turned from light and playful to anger, but his words had me pissed off. I was looking for a confession, but not one of the caveman variety.

I pushed past him, taking out my frustration by pushing him out of my way with both hands, and ran off the bridge. I didn't get far.

He stopped me, taking hold of my shoulders, holding me still.

"Stop, Bella. For fuck's sake. Don't run away from me."

I pulled out of his grip and turned around. "Why not, Edward? You are just pissed off that I am not going to follow you around like a little puppy dog anymore."

"Do you honestly think that, Bella? Do you honestly think that the only reason we are here, having this conversation, is because I am scared of you not following me around anymore?" He was close to screaming, his voice was tight with stress, "Haven't you noticed yet? It isn't you following me around anymore. That stopped already. _I _am the one doing the following now, Bella." He softened as he spoke.

So did I. "Why, Edward?"

I needed him to say it.

I took his hand. _I need you_

He squeezed back. _I am here_

"Because I am in love with you, Bella."

That was more like it.

_Bella Swan is grinning like an idiot_

So was Edward.

"About damn time, Edward."

He pulled me in to him, crashing our bodies together. His hand left mine and went around my waist, while the other went into my hair. I could taste his breathe. I could feel every fibre of his being humming with mine. It was the most incredible thing I had ever felt in my life.

"You going to get snarky with me now, love?" He whispered.

"No, Edward. I am going to kiss you."

But he didn't give me a chance. He was kissing me first. His mouth placed soft little kisses all over my face, moving from my forehead to my eyebrows, my cheeks, my nose, to along my jaw and down my neck. Each kiss was a little more forceful.

"Breathe, Bella."

He leant his forehead against mine, giving me a moment to catch up.

"I am in love with you."

My declaration was quiet. If he hadn't been standing so close he may not have heard it, but he did.

He pulled his face away for a moment, staring into my eyes, making sure he could see what he needed to.

"About damn time, Isabella."

We stared at each other, moving closer again, until our mouths finally met as we closed our eyes. We moved together softly first, gentle pecks on the mouth, before it became more. I sucked on his lower lip and groaned, amazed with how good he tasted. As I opened my mouth to draw a breath, his tongue was on my lower lip. It was tentative, as if he were asking permission.

Permission granted.

When our tongues met, my brain ceased to function. There weren't even facebook updates floating around up there. All I could think was, _Edward… kiss… Edward… hands… Edward… tongue_.

I was kissing him with as much passion as he was kissing me. Our tongues battled as I shifted my body to press against him, making sure that there was no distance between us at all. He groaned into my mouth and pushed back, pulling me in at the same time. Feeling his chest vibrate as he groaned made my entire body throb. It was the most erotic thing I had ever experienced.

He kept kissing me as he started pulling me towards the car.

He kept kissing me as he opened my door.

Then he stopped.

I whimpered as he pulled away, which apparently was the right thing to do, because he came crashing back into me. One of his hands was wound tightly in the hair at the base of my neck as the other gripped my waist and pulled me in to him. I could feel his arousal against my stomach.

I caused that.

He was hard. Because I was kissing him.

Fuck me.

"Bella, we have to stop." He stopped kissing me again, but didn't pull away this time.

"I don't want to." I didn't know if I could.

"It is getting cold. At least let me get you out of here. Feed you some dinner. You know, some attempt at chivalry before I ravage you again?"

Oh hell no. I'd had years of gentleman Edward. He was finally groping me. I wasn't going to let him stop now.

I flipped us around, pushing his back into the rear of his car.

Kissing him again, I moved one of my hands to the front of his jeans.

"Only if it is room service, Edward. I am not done with this yet."

He threw his head back and groaned, his hips jerking at my hand. I must have been doing something right.

"Get in the fucking car, Bella. And call ahead for room service."

* * *

**A/N**

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	9. Taste

**A/N**

**Thanks to the talented, kind and reassuring coldplaywhore for being a fabulous beta and holding my hand figuratively as I wrote this. I am not worthy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I **_**am**_** owned by the cat sitting on my foot, though.**

**8. Taste**

"I can't believe you forgot your phone."

"Hey, I was a little preoccupied at the time. _Someone _decided they wanted to go on a midnight road trip."

"At least I remembered my phone."

"And then left it in the hotel room. What good is it to us now?"

Ok, so I know they say that every couple fights, but is five minutes in to a new relationship a normal time to have the first fight? Do you usually have your hands down each others pants during said fight?

_Bella Swan is hoping to get back to the hotel without Edward loosing control of the car._

"Ok, hands out of pants." Someone had to take control of this situation and Edward obviously wasn't going to, so I guess it had to be me. I reluctantly pulled my hand from him. The ache that ran through me told me to keep touching him, but a voice in my head told me to stay away.

"Why? I like having my hand down your pants and by the _feel_ of things, you like having my hands down your pants too. Do you really want me to take my hand out of your pants, Bella?" Edward's fingers had made their way inside my jeans and panties, discovering just how much I was enjoying their attention and the grin on his face indicated that he was enjoying it too. I was just concerned that he no longer had a spare hand to use the car signal.

Good GOD that feels good.

No, Bella. Concentrate. Not on Edward's fingers. Fuck, I must write Esme a thank you note for sending him to piano lessons. FUCK. When did he learn how to find that?

_Concentrate, Bella._

"We're here" Edward added a little extra thrust as if punctuating his announcement. "We need to get out of the car and up to our room." Punctuate away, Edward, but I am so not moving right now. DAMMIT.

My head jerked to face Edward, forehead wrinkled and mouth panting. "You stopped? I was enjoying that." I started to squirm in my seat as I attempted to get some kind of friction to help me out.

"Hey, you stopped a while ago, love. I just thought you might like to get something to eat. I am rather hungry myself." Edward undid his seatbelt, sliding closer towards me as he spoke. "Do you have any preference of what you would like to eat? I think I am craving something from the far…" Edward licked his index finger, one that had just been down my pants. Holy Fuck. "_far_…" Not imagining it. He did it again to another. "_South_". With that, Edward plunged his fingers into his mouth, audibly sucking my juices from them.

_Bella Swan is an incoherent puddle on the floor._

"E-E-Edward..." His name was running through my mind on repeat.

"B-B-Bella..." He pulled his fingers from his mouth as he leaned over and undid my seatbelt. He kissed his way up my neck, licking and nibbling as he went. I was jealous of his ability to function. His confidence was soaring with every whimper from my mouth or involuntary shiver from my body. I would have thought it unfair that I was reduced to such a pitiful state, if I weren't enjoying it so much.

"U-ughng" I gave up talking at that point. There was nothing good coming from my mouth. Especially whilst he was doing such incredible things to my earlobe.

Edward cupped my face with his hand and whispered into my ear. "We need to get out of the car, love. There are things I need to do to you that aren't fit for public viewing." If he hadn't started to stroke me through the crotch of my jeans, I might have cared that we were in public. However, with the stroking going on? Care factor = zero.

"Do you think you can get out of the car, Bella?" I shook my head to the negative. I couldn't do anything other than moan or whimper and Edward asking my legs to function was like asking me what the square root of pi was at this stage. Edward chuckled as he pulled away and got out of the car. I sat there, stunned that he had so abruptly stopped our play time and I had no idea where he had gone. Until 10 seconds later when he opened my door and lifted me out.

_Bella Swan is realising that play-time makes her a little impatient_

At the shock of his swift removal of me from the car, I became a little more coherent again. I started laughing as I realised he was practically running us to the elevator with my legs around his waist and my head on his shoulder.

"In a hurry, Edward?" I asked with a faint giggle as I felt him nodding his head against my body.

"You have no idea, Bella."

Edward carried me the whole way to our room, nuzzling his face in my hair along the way. Our touches had morphed from frenzied passion to soft and loving and I had my arms wrapped around his neck, gently kissing him. It was sweet… gentle…

Once back in the room, Edward sat down on the couch with me straddling him. I lifted my head up and rested my forehead against his. "Hungry?" I asked as Edward's stomach gurgled and he laughed along with me.

"Haha, yeah. Do you mind if we slow things down and get something sent up?" he questioned. I gently pecked him on the lips before pulling away, smiling.

"Of course, we have all the time in the world." I replied genuinely.

Edward pulled me back down onto his lap. "Not all the time, Bella." His hand behind my neck guided my lips to his and the meaning behind his words was clear. I could feel it every time I pushed my hips into his perfect form.

I leant back as I tried to catch my breath. "I thought you wanted something to eat… OWW!" He bit me!

"You bit me!"I yelled in protest as I tried to squirm out of his lap, but Edward kept his hold on my neck and hips. He was laughing openly at my reaction.

"You reminded me that I was hungry. So I took a bite. You're yummy." The look on his face was priceless. He was glowing again so I took a photo of it in my mind, trying to make sure I remembered this moment for the rest of our lives.

"I love you." I kissed my way from his neck, along his jaw line and around his mouth, before I took his top lip into my mouth and massaged it with my tongue. "You taste yummy too."

Edward's grin got even wider; I could feel it as I kissed him. I had always rolled my eyes when movies or books got to this point. When the couple get together and everything is perfect and now that I was here, I understood completely. Sometimes, things _are_ perfect. Or, at least Edward was.

"I love you too, Bella." Edward kissed my neck lightly as he cradled me in his arms.

"Edward, it is because I love you that I am going to get up." I explained as I managed to squirm out of his lap, but I think that was only because I distracted him by gyrating into his lap first.

"Hey, no fair. Get back here, woman." Edward reached his arms toward me, trying to grab me back. Luckily, I dodged away before he could.

"No. Stop that. We are going to get you fed. You'll need your energy later." I winked at him before turning my back to get the room service menu and telephone. I was looking over the menu when I felt him behind me. His breath first, slightly faster than normal on my neck. Then his right hand, on my hip and his thumb circled lightly. He must have taken a step forward then, because I felt his chest against my back. Quickly, I noticed his leg was between mine and his left hand captured my own, and we were suddenly holding the room service menu together.

"What do you want to eat, love?" he asked, his voice was husky and sexy as hell. I could tell that he was trying to sound calm, but his breathing was as laboured as mine had become. Knowing that he was affected too was the only thing keeping my shaking knees from giving way underneath me.

I turned around to face him, letting his right hand graze my ass as I did. "I have a craving for… something sweet." I brushed his hair out of his face as I licked my lips.

"Bel-la. I thought you said you were going to get me food." Edward groaned my name and it was heaven.

"I know I did. Does that mean I can't have any fun in the meantime?" I tried to act casual as I skimmed my hand along his chest and I paused over his heart. "You're heart is pounding."

"It isn't mine anymore."

I crashed into him, throwing everything I had into the kiss. My entire body moulded into his. "You're perfect." I couldn't stop kissing him "I love you" but I had to tell him "My heart is yours". There was no battle of tongues in this kiss, we moved with perfect synchronicity. Hands were everywhere, but it was still gentle.

"I'm not perfect, Bella." His mouth moved from mine, causing me to whimper and as he held my face in his hands, his eyes bore into me. It was almost too much to bear.

"I know. You still require feeding. It is such a pain!" I pulled his hands from my face into my own. "Come on. Where is that menu?"

___________________________________________________________

Edward managed to romance me a little, setting up some candles on the coffee table for us to eat our dinner by. I felt as though every flicker of each flame was a burning with the heat I felt. It was indescribable. There was music playing in the background and the conversation was as easy as had ever been. Sure, little things were different to what they had been in the past – this was the first time we ate dinner with me sitting in his lap – but it was still Edward and Bella.

"What did you order us for desert?" he inquired as I suddenly felt remorseful for a moment.

Whilst Edward was setting up his coffee table of seduction I had commandeered the menu, insisting that I was more than capable of feeding him. Whoops.

"I forgot to order any."

"But I thought you wanted something sweet?" he asked emphatically, his words full with innuendo. Edward moved up his seduction level a notch, taking the fork from hand and placing it down onto the table. "I don't mind, Bella. I have something sweet here already," and he ran his tongue up my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

"That was a really cheesy line, Edward." I know things were getting all romantic and steamy, but I couldn't let that one go through.

He chuckled at me, shaking his head into my shoulder. "I know."

"What movies do they have on demand? We can order up some fruit or something and watch a movie."

Edward pouted "I thought we had other plans, Bella."

"We do, beautiful boy, but you know you aren't allowed to exercise until at least half an hour after eating," I explained as I kissed his pout away. "Trust me; I am planning on you getting quite the workout."

___________________________________________________________

"I don't get this movie," Edward whined into my shoulder, his gentle nibbling distracting me from the actors on screen.

"That is because you aren't paying attention," I exclaimed as I continued to get frustrated by his nonchalance. I had never watched this film with someone who hadn't 'got' it before. Wasn't it obvious? "He is torn between what he thought he thought wanted and what he actually does want. His dick and his head are telling him two different things. The duality is tearing him in two."

Edward's head rose from the nook between my head and my shoulders. "What does his heart say?"

"No one knows yet because he won't acknowledge it. Accepting the fact that you aren't who you thought you were isn't always the easiest thing in the world," I stated. I didn't know why, but my heart started to race as soon as the words left my mouth and I started to regret my choice of film. It had always worked me into a hot state before but, at this moment, I understood the characters in a way I had never felt before. I immediately felt the need to push that thought to the back of my mind.

_Bella Swan needs you._

"Edward?"

Although his lips burned a trail along my neck, he seemed to be concentrating on what was going on with the characters on screen, letting their complicated histories overtake what was actually happening.

He didn't hear me.

I could choose to sit back and watch the movie I had seen a thousand times. I could have easily let myself be swept away by the moment of perfection that was about to permeate the screen and our evening, along with the sadness that would inevitably follow, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. I knew that the reality that lay at the edge of my fingers would far outweigh whatever Hollywood had to offer, simply because this was Edward.

I turned my head away from his, allowing his kisses to have full reign on my pulse. We had started watching the film sitting a foot apart, but this moment found him lying on the sofa of our hotel room with my head against his chest, burying itself into the cushion and his shoulder, willing him on. Every move he made left me wanting more, but I didn't know how to tell him.

My mind wandered to our first kiss.

My heart wanted to know how his heart felt.

My body needed to feel his body against my own.

It was that instinct that led me to act in a way that I had never felt possible. I stopped paying attention to what was playing out onscreen. Instead, I decided to listen to the voice that screamed the loudest.

"Edward… I need you."

The hands that had been loosely hanging around my waist tightened at my words. His head, which had pulled away to watch the chaos onscreen, moved back towards my own. Towards the vulnerable pieces of my neck that showed how hard my heart was pulsing and that showed how much he was affecting me. This had nothing to do with the actor on screen.

Edward obviously felt my desperation and matched it with his movements. His hands turned me away from the reconciliation of two fictional characters based upon the lives of people centuries before. Suddenly nothing mattered but the feeling of his hand on the sliver of skin on my back. Nothing mattered but the indescribable emotions that passed between us.

Silk against testosterone.

Need fusing with heat.

All I felt in the moment were two bodies intertwining with each other. Lips pressed together in a furious need to claim the other as their own.

Then Edward took control.

As my hands grasped to take hold of what they could, clawing at the shirt on his chest, my tongue massaged his. My mouth took his bottom lip, sucking, kneading, tasting, experiencing. It was almost too much to bear, but was still not enough. I wanted to taste every inch of him. I needed to. I moved my mouth from his; missing the taste as soon as I did, but I needed more. My lips and tongue moved along his jaw to his earlobe, taking it between my lips. I sucked it gently, running the tip of my tongue along the edge that was inside my mouth. The hand I still had on his chest felt the vibration of his groan in reaction to my movements.

Edward moved his hands to lift me from the couch, one beneath my knees and the other cradling my head to his neck. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling more love and acceptance than I ever had before.

Our hands were not touching, but I felt it. _I need you. I am here._

Any hurry that I had felt disappeared as Edward carried me to his room. We really did have all the time in the world. Once we were next to his bed, Edward set me down on my feet, his eyes never leaving mine. He raised his hands to hold my face between them gently, as if I were the most precious thing in the world. He kissed me gently, but pulled away before I could deepen it. "Bella, are you sure?"

I was stunned by his question because I was sure I made it clear that this is what I wanted. That _he_ was what I wanted? My heart dropped to my stomach and it occurred to me that maybe he was looking for a way out. Didn't he want me?

"Bella, stop that," he said as his hands moved to my shoulders, pulling me close. I hadn't even realised that I was pulling away from him. "Don't pull away from me. Tell me what you are thinking. _Please_."

"Don't you want me?" I asked sadly. As soon as I squeaked out my fears I wanted to grab them back and hide them away. I stared at the patch of carpet between us, not daring to look into his eyes. His hand moved from my shoulder to underneath my chin, raising my head and forcing me to look at him. The intensity of his eyes blew me away.

"Do I want you, Bella?" His voice was incredulous and full of surprise that I would even have to question him. "Fuck, I want you so badly I can't see straight." His lips crashed into mine as his hands pulled me into him and I pressed up against his body, needing to be as close to him as possible. My hands twisted in his hair as I kissed him so hard I thought my mouth would bleed.

After what felt like hours, he shook his head and pulled away slightly, still holding me against him. "I want to taste every inch of you," he declared firmly as his mouth moved down to my neck, lightly sucking at my skin as he went, flicking out his tongue and tasting me. My knees were shaking and a number of embarrassing noises were escaping my mouth without my permission.

"I want to touch you." One of his hands moved from my side, sliding around to my back, then lower to my ass. I squealed as he squeezed me roughly, pressing me against him even harder. "Can't you feel how much I want you?" he asked as his mouth continued its assault on my neck between his words as I struggled to process them.

His hand squeezed me again, pressing my hips into his. Oh. He wanted me. He was showing me how much he wanted me.

"I want you too, Edward. I need you, but why did you ask me if I was sure?" Although I wanted to just enjoy what he was doing at this moment, I needed to know.

He raised his head up and moved his hands back to my face. "As much as I want you right now, I would never forgive myself if I did anything to hurt you. This might hurt, Bella. I need you to know that."

I was touched by his sweet declaration, but also a little scared by the reality of it all. "I know it might hurt a little, Edward, but it will also be the most perfect moment of my life to date."He shook his head and went to argue. I spoke again quickly, not giving him the chance. "Edward, please let me explain?" I raised a finger and brushed it against his lips, hoping to silence him. He kissed it gently and nodded, allowing me to continue. "I know I am completely inexperienced at this and will very likely be bad at it, but I also know that it could never actually be bad, because it is you and me. I love you and that is why it is going to be perfect."

I paused to kiss him gently, because the smile on his face when I said I loved him was to adorable not to and then I leaned my forehead against his as I made my final plea. "Please, Edward, make love to me."

His hands pulled my face back to his and our kisses were more gentle and sweet than our passionate embrace before. He took his time peppering soft kisses on my lips before taking them lightly into his mouth and sucking them in turn. His tongue massaged my bottom lip as his hands moved from my face to the hem of my shirt.

He moved away slightly, asking my permission silently and I nodded, my breath quickening in anticipation as I raised my arms above my head. He lifted my shirt off slowly, taking his time and as much as I had enjoyed the earlier roughness of his touch, I was grateful the pace had slowed. "So beautiful," he murmured quietly to me.

His mouth returned to mine as his hands caressed my bare back. I needed to feel more of his skin too and moved my hands to the buttons of his shirt and I fumbled my way through undoing each of them, distracted by the feeling of his hands and his mouth, but determined nonetheless. Edward helped me pull the shirt off his body and threw it on the floor, in the ever growing pile of clothes we were creating.

The feeling of his skin against my own made me feel like I was on fire and my hands ran over the muscles of his back, committing each and every one of them to memory. His lips moved down my neck again and along my collarbone, making their way toward my breasts. I couldn't help but chuckle lightly as he looked up at me with the biggest smile on his face, like a little boy with a new toy.

He moved his hands to the back of my bra, slowly, making sure I was aware of his next move. I smiled back at him, raising one of my hands to brush the hair back off his forehead. Edward unfastened my bra swiftly and I quickly pushed away the question of how much practice he had at doing that because right now, it didn't matter.

He stood up straight again, lightly brushing the straps off my shoulder one by one, finally letting my bra fall to the floor. He kissed each of my shoulders before moving back towards my now uncovered breasts and my nipples hardened in anticipation. "Fuck, Bella."

He raised his hands to cup my breasts, massaging them gently with his long fingers. My head rolled back as I moaned and I realized I had never felt so turned on in my life. "God, Edward. That feels so good."

"Do you like me touching you here, love?" He ran his thumb across my right nipple, causing my whole body to shiver in need and anticipation.

"Yes, Edward. Please," I begged quietly as he rolled my nipple between his fingers as his other hand left my left breast.

"What do you want, Bella?" he asked breathlessly as I tried to calm myself unsuccessfully.

I couldn't articulate what I wanted. I was only sure of one thing, "I want more." I gasped as he took my left nipple into his mouth, sucking on it. When his teeth grazed the tip, my head shot up and I saw Edward looking up at my face as he had my nipple in his mouth, with his other hand tugging gently on my other breast. As much as I was enjoying the attention, I needed his mouth on my own again and pulled him back up to me, our bare chests pressed together, skin against skin. Our hands explored each other's torsos, his regularly making their way back to my breasts.

After satisfying my need of feeling his tongue against my own, I kissed my way down his neck. As my mouth moved to his chest, I ran my tongue along the ridge of his clavicle. His skin rose in tiny little goose bumps and his chest vibrated with a moan. I smiled unabashedly at being able to get that response from him. "Proud of yourself Bella?" Edward asked as I raised my head to see the smirk on his face.

"It is nice to see I can do that to you." I paused from my assault on his chest to straighten upright again.

He grinned back at me, caressing my cheek lightly with the back of his hand. "I think we have already established the kind of reaction you cause, Bella."

I laughed gently with him, leaning into his hand. "It's nice." My words were not even close to describing how I felt, but he understood.

"Yeah, it is." He kneeled in front of me, kissing my stomach on his way down. It was clear that he was going to continue undressing me now and I was suddenly very grateful for the bikini wax that had been necessary whilst in Sydney. I concentrated on that, rather than letting my nerves overtake me. He slowly unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them from my body. His hands brushed down the skin of my legs, causing goose bumps of my own and he smiled as he kissed them. His hands moved back up to my hips as his eyes looked to mine. "May I?" he asked as his fingers hooked into the edge of my panties and he waited for permission to remove them.

"Yes" I said breathlessly in response. He slowly pulled them down and tossed them to the ever growing pile of clothing before standing again, moving to remove his own jeans. I stopped his hands with my own. "Let me."

Although I was nervous as hell, I kissed my way down his stomach as he had done to me, unzipping his jeans as I did. I kneeled in front of him, peeling his jeans and boxers down together. I felt self conscious being the only one naked in the room and was keen to even the score. He lifted his feet; one after the other, helping me rid him of the last of our clothing. I threw them aside and raised my eyes to his hardened cock in front of me. I was taken aback by how strong it looked, jutting out from his body. I moved one of my hands to his shaft, curiously examining the way the skin felt beneath my own. I gently massaged him, not really knowing what I was doing, but going on pure instinct. I must have been doing something right, because the growl that came from Edward's throat was the sound of a happy man.

"Bella, that feels so good, but I need you to stop doing that."

I looked up at him, confused, not moving my hand from him. "Why?"

He smiled, peeling my hand from his hardness and pulling me to an upright position before guiding me back onto the bed. He crawled along my body, moving me onto my back on the middle of the bed.

He was hovering over me as he responded. "Because I told you, _I _want to touch _you_." He shifted his body weight onto his left elbow as his right hand made its way down my stomach. He used one of his legs to spread mine and I could feel myself get instantly wetter at his words.

His fingers caressed my hip gently as he kissed me again. I could spend my entire life kissing Edward. The feel of his tongue in my mouth was exquisite but I was having a hard time concentrating on kissing him, as his hand moved closer to where I craved it. I think he noticed, as he moved his mouth along my cheek and took my earlobe between his teeth.

I hissed as his fingers finally made contact with my outer lips. He groaned at the contact and whispered to me, "You're so wet, Bella." My hips bucked without my permission as he dipped a finger into me. "You're so tight, baby. I'm scared of hurting you."

"Please, Edward. I need you. Please." I was at the point of begging him as he ran his thumb over my clit. My body was throbbing in response to what he was doing and I needed to feel him inside me.

"Patience, Bella. I need to get you ready for me." He slid another finger inside me as I realised what he was doing. He was trying to prepare me for him and I loved him even more. He gently moved his fingers in and out of me, all the while rubbing my clit with his thumb. It felt a million times better than anything I had managed to achieve on my own and my hips were rolling with the movement.

"I love you, Edward."

He pulled his head away from my ear to gaze directly into my eyes. "I love you too, Bella." He kissed me so passionately, pouring his emotions into my mouth through his lips. It wasn't hard or rough, but it wasn't gentle either. He was taking complete control of my body and I surrendered it willingly. He moved his mouth to one of my nipples, making it difficult to register all of the pleasure he was giving me.

My stomach tightened as his fingers started to move faster, a third adding to the others inside. I had brought myself off before, but it was nothing in comparison to what I was feeling now. My hips jerked as my back arched, my body screaming. I called his name over and over again, worshiping the sound of it.

His hand slowed and his head moved away. He gently brought me back from the edge. I lay still for a minute, catching my breath. After a while, I realised he was watching me, causing me to blush with embarrassment.

"Fuck, Bella. That was the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life." Gentle Edward disappeared for a moment as his mouth collided with mine, assaulting me with lips and tongue. He moved his body to be directly above mine, his legs between my own. I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling his body closer to me. I could feel his cock rubbing against my sensitive core and the feeling was amazing and his hips ground into mine as we both moaned at the contact.

He paused from kissing me to lean over to the dresser, pulling something out of the top drawer. It took me a moment to realise what it was. Thank fuck he had remembered to put on a condom, because although I was on the pill, there was no way I was risking getting pregnant.

"Thank you Best Western, for ensuring all your guests' needs are taken care of," chuckled Edward as he lightened the mood slightly before he rolled the condom onto himself.

I moved my hands to run my nails along his back, doing my best to gain every reaction from his body that I could. "We'll have to make sure we thank them for that in the guest book." Edward laughed, bending down to kiss me again. The kiss turned quickly from light-hearted to passionate as I returned my legs to being wrapped around him. He moved the tip of his cock to my entrance, rubbing it, coating himself with my juices.

"Relax, baby. Breathe." I didn't realise I was holding my breath until he pointed it out. I relaxed as best I could as he positioned himself and I felt him begin to slide into me and readied for the pain. I moved my face into the crook of his neck, closing my eyes and concentrating on what I was feeling. I was glad he had taken the time to prepare me as best he could, because I was still feeling stretched as he moved further inside of me. It felt strange, but good at the same time.

He paused as he felt himself at my barrier. "Are you ready?"

I nodded into his shoulder, not trusting my voice.

He pushed through, causing me to cry out softly at the pain and he stopped immediately, allowing me to adjust to him. He pulled his head away so he could see my face. He kissed the tears I couldn't stop from escaping. "I'm sorry, Bella." The pain on his face mirrored my own.

"It's ok, Edward. I want this. I need you," I reassured him as I started to feel more comfortable. He kissed me gently and then started to slowly rock his hips against mine as the pain started to subside, slowly being replaced with pleasure. I rocked my hips, to match his movements.

He moaned, leaning his head against my shoulder. "You feel so good Bella. I don't know how long I am going to last."

I suddenly realised that he was enjoying this as much as, if not more than, I was. My fingers gripped into his back more as my movements started to become more fluid with his. "I love you."

Edward started kissing every part of my skin that he could between sweet moans and declarations of his own. His hips were starting to move faster now, as he realised I was past the pain. He shifted his body weight to one of his arms, moving the other between our bodies. When his hand met my nerves again, both of us moaned at the tightening of my muscles.

"Bella, baby, I need you to come with me. Do you think you can? God, I am so close." His thumb was working magic and combined with the feeling of him inside me…

My back arched and my hips thrust against him as he brought me to climax again. He met me, thrust for thrust, staring into my eyes as we jumped together. I knew this was beyond any 'first time' stories I had ever heard of and was amazed at how lucky I was to have Edward.

As we both came down from our climaxes, Edward kissed me gently before pulling out of me. I winced slightly, now that the pleasure had passed, at the dull ache I was feeling. Edward quietly walked into his bathroom, disposing of the condom, and returning with a damp hand towel. He gently wiped away the small amounts of blood as I was too spent to be able to move. He put the towel back into the bathroom, before coming back to the bed and pulling the covers over us.

I rolled onto my side, moulding my body to his, using his shoulder as my pillow. He moved his arm under my neck, pulling me as close as I could get.

"I love you so much, Bella. I don't know what I did to deserve that, but that was the most fucking fantastic…" He seemed stuck between word vomit and speechless and it was the most adorable thing.

I kissed his shoulder gently. "Well, there is that thing you did with your mouth in the beginning there. That definitely earned you some brownie points."

He laughed aloud at my comment "What thing, Bella? Do you want to give me a report card so I know what I am doing right?"

I squeezed into him closer. "I don't think that will be necessary, Edward. I am so pleasantly spent right now; there is no way I would be able to master using a pen."

He nuzzled his head into the top of mine, breathing in deeply. "I'm glad, Bella."

"I love you, Edward."

**A/N**

**First up, let me apologise for the amount of time it has taken me to write this chapter. This is my first lemon and I now have a newfound respect for people who are able to churn out incredible lemons in their fic. (Not that I didn't appreciate them before!). **

**I hope you enjoyed it as much as Bella did! I have to say, I am jealous of how wonderful her first time was. Not all of us are that lucky. But, then again, her first time **_**was**_** with Edward. As soon as I finished writing this, I refilled my glass of wine and lit up a cigarette, lamenting that Rob Pattinson is in NYC whilst I am far away in Australia. Sad.**

**I have been asked if Bella and Edward are going to have a baby in this fic. I can guarantee you – that will NOT be happening. I have other plans for these crazy kids – their story is far from over yet.**

**So, what did you think? Did I suck at writing a lemon and should never attempt it again? Please review and let me know what you thought… **


	10. Aftertaste

9. Aftertaste

When I woke up, I had a billion different feelings running through my body and my mind. I felt the ache between my legs from when Edward took my virginity and made me his. I felt my heart about to thump out of my chest when I thought of him telling me that he loves me. Edward Cullen _loves_ me. Not like a brother or a friend. He loves me.

My head was resting on his chest and I could feel him breathing slowly, still asleep. I slowly pulled out of his embrace, careful not to wake him. I gently crept from the bed to the bathroom, in desperate need of freshening up before he woke.

In the shower, I flashed back to our perfect night before. Edward made me feel beautiful. He showed me how much he loved me. I felt my body flush as I thought of the intense pleasure we had shared.

_Everything_ was different now.

After my shower, I lazily dressed in his boxers and his t-shirt. As much as I didn't want to wake him, I needed to feel wrapped in everything that was Edward as soon as possible. I tip-toed into the kitchenette and turned on the kettle, preparing coffee for the two of us. I had every intention of kick-starting round two as soon as possible and figured that caffeine would be the best way to pull him from his deep slumber.

When I walked back into the room, coffee in hand, I froze at the doorway. The sun was starting to shine into the room and it was as though Mother Nature was creating a spotlight of her rays just to highlight Edward's perfection. His hair shone, tousled beyond anything I had ever seen before. He seemed to glow.

Bella Swan is one lucky motherfucker.

Hell yes.

I giggled to myself as I sat on the bed next to Edward, placing the coffee on the nightstand. The combination of the soft shaking of my giggle and the smell of the coffee started to pull him from his slumber with the sexiest smirk on his face. He went to pull me toward him on his bed when we were interrupted by his phone vibrating in the drawer under the coffee. I had to wrestle away from him to get to it, but somehow managed.

"It's Alice, Edward. We need to answer it. They are probably going mad with worry."

He pouted at me, but nodded his head in agreement. "You're right. Come back here and answer her on loudspeaker. You can talk to her, but I want you back in this bed. You look too damn good in my clothes to be standing so far away." Well, who was I to resist the pout?

I sat back on the bed, taking his hand into mine. "Hi, Alice."

"Don't _Hi Alice_ me, runaway. Where is my asshole of a brother?" Although I wasn't expecting anyone to be happy with our sudden disappearance, I was taken aback by the aggression of her voice. Edward seemed to be too.

"I'm here, Ali. You're on speakerphone. Don't speak to Bella like that. Calm the fuck down."

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to calm down, Edward." She was practically growling down the phone now "You are lucky I am calling you at all. You are lucky Emmett is driving the car and can't take the phone off me right now." We could hear Emmett in the background, telling Alice to hang up the phone. Fuck. Alice spoke over him, determined to finish delivering her news "The parents have locked in on your location. Well done on using your credit card, dumbass."

"Fuck" Edward jumped off the bed, spilling his coffee all over himself. He snatched the phone from my hand, refusing to meet my eyes. "How long do we have?"

"An hour, give or take. We are driving in convoy to you now. It took me a few hours to decide to call you." She sounded as though she still wasn't sure if she wanted to give us a heads up, but I was grateful that she had. At least we weren't going to get caught in the midst of round two now.

Damn. Game postponed due to bad weather. Parental storm front moving in.

Edward hung up the phone on Alice without saying good bye and started throwing on his clothes.

"Fucking Asshole Mother of a – " Edward almost ripped his jeans, shouting every expletive he could come up with . If the circumstances were different I would have laughed it off, saying that he spent too much time with Emmett.

"Edward, calm down. It is going to be ok. We just explain to them that senior year was a little more intense than you expected so we took a weekend away. We know we should have told them, but we are sorry. We take whatever punishment they dole out and move on." I only half believed what I was saying, but Edward was starting to freak out about the parents moving in on us and I was starting to worry. After getting dressed, he had sat in a chair and had started to run his hands frantically through his hair, almost tearing it out.

"Edward, look at me, please. You are scaring me." I rooted my feet to the floor, still standing in his boxers and t-shirt.

"Damn it, Bella. Do you really think it is a good idea that your father and brother walk in here, the hotel room smelling of sex, and you wearing my clothes?" His head snapped up, green eyes burning. "They can't come into this room, Bella. We are in enough shit as it is. We left my parents house in the middle of the night without telling anyone what was going on or where we were going. We haven't been in touch with them in days. And on top of all of that? I deflowered Charlie and Emmett's precious little Bella last night. Do you still want to tell me that everything is going to be ok? Bullshit, Bella. Grow up. Now go and put some fucking clothes on."

I ripped his t-shirt off my body and threw it at him, storming away. I ran to my bag and threw on a pair of jeans over his boxers, a bra and a wife beater. Girly Bella was not going to be on show today.

Edward and I manoeuvred around each other in silence, packing up our things as quickly as possible. All traces of us ever having been in the room were removed without a second thought. My chest felt as though it was going to cave in and I needed him to tell me everything was going to be ok. But Edward was too busy muttering indecipherably under his breath. He grabbed our bags and headed for the door of the room. I followed wordlessly behind, wishing I could return to the perfection of the night before.

__________________________________________________________________________

Edward checked us out and dragged me to the car without so much as a glance my way. He drove the car with aggression, weaving through traffic, manically putting distance between us and the Best Western. He kept on thumping his hands on the steering wheel as he drove, followed by outbursts of "Fuck" or "Damn it" sporadically.

After 20 minutes, my nerves were shot. Despite all of the declarations we had made the night before, he couldn't even look at me. I didn't understand what was happening. We knew that we couldn't hide forever. "Where are we going?"

Edward stopped thumping the wheel for a moment and clenched his jaw. He didn't respond.

I pulled my eyes from the side of his face and took in our surroundings, realising that I recognised them. We had driven along here not 24 hours before. Things had changed so much since then.

_**"…my thoughts are not exactly brotherly anymore, Bella"**_

_**"I don't want them to be, Edward"**_

I tried to remind myself of the words we had spoken to each other. He was just freaking out about how everyone else was going to react. That had to be it. Too much had been said and done between us to allow me to believe anything else. He loved me. I loved him.

"It's going to be ok, Edward."

He thumped the steering wheel again. "_DAMN IT, BELLA_. Can't you see that it isn't ok? You heard Alice on the phone. They are all ready to rip our heads off without even knowing what happened last night. Your father has a _gun_. Your brother is a giant. They are going to kill me." He removed one of his hands from the steering wheel and started pulling at his hair. I tried to reach out to soothe him, but he swatted my hand away before I could.

"Don't, Bella. Just don't."

Tears started to run down my face of their own accord. I didn't want to cry, I shouldn't be crying. Less than 12 hours ago my best friend had made love to me. We had whispered sweet declarations as we moulded our bodies together. How had things gone so wrong, so quickly?

Before I knew it, we had pulled into the parking lot of The Bridge of the Gods. There were tourist groups mulling around at the base of the bridge, laughing and taking happy shots. I felt as though they were mocking me, intruding on a place that had been the scene of the second most defining moment of my life so far. I wished them to go away, but they seemed to multiply.

Edward stepped out of the car and went to the boot, before opening my door. "Get out of the car."

He had my bags in his hand, but not his own. Every fibre of my being told me to jump out of the car and latch onto his body, but self preservation told me to stay where I was. "No."

"Stop acting like a fucking child and get out of the car."

_**"Fuck, I want you so badly I can't see straight"**_

How was this the same boy? I made no move to undo my seatbelt and stayed where I was. I was starting to shake and hot tears were streaming down my face now. I had no idea what was going on or why he was doing this. He became impatient and leaned over me in the car, undoing my belt. I tried to slap him away, telling him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. "Get out of the car."

He yanked on my arm, dragging me from the car. I almost hit my head on the door on the way out and something in me snapped. As soon as I was standing on my feet, I started to push him away repeatedly. "What the fuck is going on, Edward? Why can't you look at me? Tell me what the _hell_ is going on inside that brain of yours and we can work it out."

My sudden change registered immediately and he matched it.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? What do you want to hear?" He held me by the wrists, stopping me from assaulting him any further. But he still wouldn't look me in the face. "Do you want me to tell you that I have spent the entire time since hanging up on my sister screaming inside my head? That I have made the biggest mistake of my _life_ and have no idea how I am going to fix it? Is that what you want to hear?"

I started to choke on my sobs, the pain of his words threatened to break out of my lungs as I struggled to breathe. "Don't you dare say that, Edward. You told me that you love me. You told me that you were _in_ love with me. Don't you _dare_ take those words back now."

I yanked my wrists from his hold, the pain not even registering. It was no match for what was going on inside my heart. He moved to grab me again, but I quickly avoided his reach. It would not be the touch I was craving. He finally looked me in the eyes and I saw the smirk appear on his face.

"What did you think was going to happen, Bella? Did you think we would go back to Forks, tell everyone that we were together in unholy union and live happily ever after? Grow up."

_**"Can't you feel how much I want you? "**_

I tried to match his bitter words to the ones spoken with such tenderness the night before and could not submit to the change. "What do you mean, Edward? Were you lying when you said that you loved me?"

"Of course not, Bella. I have always loved you." His voice softened slightly, vulnerability seeping through. It was barely noticeable, but I knew him enough to recognise it.

"I love you Edward. You say that you love me too. Why does any of the rest of it matter?" I could feel myself pleading with him now, desperate, but it didn't matter. My pride was not my concern. Being with Edward was. "It's you and me, Edward. It has always been you and me. It is just a different variation of the original."

He started shaking his head violently, almost ripping his hair from his head. "No, Bella. It isn't. Can't you see? This is nowhere near the original. This is so far from the original that no-one recognises what it was before. Everything has changed. It can't be Bella and Edward anymore. It isn't enough."

I couldn't accept his words. I knew that what he was saying was fighting with what he felt in his heart. I needed to hear that it meant more than just sex. It had to. "Were you lying when you said you wanted me?"

_**"So beautiful"**_

Edward changed. If rewinding in slow motion, I could have shown the exact moment that he snapped. I asked him if he wanted me. I was begging him to fight for us. But he took the easy way out.

He took a step toward me, looking more predatory than I had ever seen him before.

"Of course not, Bella. Any guy would be an idiot not to want you. I am just the lucky bastard that now knows what a sweet cu-"

I couldn't let him finish his sentence. My fist connected with the side of his face before either of us realised what I was doing. How could he speak to me like this? Even if he didn't want me like he had sworn he did, how could he rip our friendship to pieces with a few disgusting words. With his interrupted sentence, he told me that I was wrong. That it was just sex. In that moment, I had never felt more disposable in my life.

He laughed as soon as he realised what I had done, and raised his hand to the corner of his mouth where I had connected with. Blood was trickling out of the split, making me feel slightly vindicated. "You were so easy, Bella."

I raised my hand to strike him again, but this time he was quick enough to stop me first. "Now now, _love_. Let's not resort to that." The term he had used with such affection was now dripping with sarcasm.

"Fuck You, Edward." I practically spat in his face.

He laughed again. "I already did."

I froze for the second time in the morning, but this time it was for a very different reason. He took the opportunity to get my jacket from the car and place it with my bags. I heard him walking around to the drivers side, pausing before getting in. "I've texted Alice. She and Emmett will come and pick you up here soon."

My chest suddenly felt hollow when I realised what he meant. He had already planned this. Before he pulled me out of the car, he was already planning on leaving me.

"It was what it was, Bella. But it's done. Move on."

I didn't hear the Volvo drive away as I crumbled to the floor.

I was numb, shaking, choking and crying, not caring if the world opened up and swallowed me. but it wouldn't take me whole. Edward had taken my heart with him.

_**"Your heart is pounding."_

"_It isn't mine anymore."**_

Edward had lied to me and left me broken.

I don't know when Emmett and Alice arrived, or how long I had been lying on the gravel by my bags. I couldn't answer them when they asked where Edward was. The sound of his name only made me sob harder and the cavity where my heart used to be burn. I turned away from them, vomiting up the non-existing contents of my stomach. I dry retched for an eternity as I felt my brother stroke my back, trying to calm me with his words.

"What did he do to her, Alice?" I don't think he realised I could hear him over my own wretched sounds, but I did.

I didn't hear Alice's response. Instead, my mind decided that it had endured enough and I welcomed the black that engulfed me.

**A/N**

**Ok, so I need to apologise for this chapter. It is full of angst and overdramatisation, but we are experiencing this story through the mind of a sixteen year old girl. That is how they think. I wouldn't know any other way to write it.**

**It hasn't helped that I have suffered a major case of writers block (hence the delay). I knew that I wanted this to happen, but had no idea how to do it. I also love Bella and Edward together and hated doing this to them. **

**What did you think? Any suggestions on how to improve it? Did it suck completely?**

**Yours in frustration…**

**J**


	11. Stop

10. Stop

**A/N**

**Here it is – the post Edward-was-a-complete-ass chapter. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me!**

**SPECIAL MEGA THANKS to coldplaywhore for being a fantastic Beta and giving me ideas and help along the way. You'll have her to thank once Edward redeems himself – she thinks I've made him too mean… maybe I'm just evil like that. THANK YOU times a million, cpw. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did, this fic would include vampires.**

A million songs have been written about this. A million sonnets composed. A million plays, movies and operas dedicated to this one subject.

My heart was broken into more pieces than all of them combined.

I never imagined it would feel like this.

In the car on the way home I drifted in and out of consciousness as Emmett drove in silence and Alice sat with me in the back, my head in her lap as she stroked my hair.

I don't remember getting back to Forks.

I slept on and off for what felt like days until Alice dragged me from my bed, forcing me into the shower. "I love you, Bella, but I need you to snap out of this. Please, I am begging you," she begged as I sat on the floor of my shower, still fully clothed and not acknowledging a word she said. Rosalie helped her pull me out and together they dried me and redressed me as Emmett was left with the thankless job of carrying me back to bed.

None of them left my side.

I later found out I was practically catatonic for two days. It felt like a lifetime.

******************************************************************

Charlie never asked me what happened and I was thankful for that. He just came into my room once he had reached his boiling point, demanding that I get out of bed and go to school, otherwise he would ship me back to Sydney to Mum. I made him swear that he wouldn't tell her anything.

So I went to school.

I sat in class, took notes and did as I was told, all the while wanting to scream at the top of my lungs. The pain I felt was immeasurable.

The first time I saw _him_, it took everything I didn't know I still had within me to stop from collapsing again. As Alice led me into the cafeteria, my eyes were immediately drawn to him and I couldn't help but wonder about him. Was he as broken as I was? Did he have any idea what I was feeling?

As soon as I saw him, I knew the answer to all of that was a resounding 'no'. He was perched on the side of a table, with a gaggle of cheerleaders surrounding him. They were fawning over the black eye he had received by my hand. I wondered if anyone knew how he had received it and I sincerely doubted it.

He looked up for a moment and caught me staring at him. His eyes were as dark as they had been by the bridge, now accented by the purple bruising. His face was a façade, but I knew what truly lay beneath it. Stupid Bella, believing that a beautiful boy like that could have wanted you, I thought to myself angrily.

I turned and ran out of the cafeteria, running until I was buried within the forest surrounding the school and I couldn't breathe.

**********************************************************************

"Bella, we need to talk about this." It took fifteen days and seven hours Emmett to finally ask. "Bella, please. What happened? What did he do to you?" His face was so tender, so concerned, I knew I owed him something, even if it wasn't the whole truth.

"Nothing, Emmett. It wasn't his fault," I stated stoically, knowing it wouldn't be enough, but I had no idea what I could say to alleviate the pain my brother was feeling on my behalf. He wasn't talking to his best friend; I had noticed that in school. Rosalie was spending more time here and supporting him. She was an angel.

"Bullshit, Bella. The two of you run away together in the middle of the night and we find you broken in a parking lot where he just _left_ you? Please Bella... talk to me. _Please_," he begged, as his voice broke on the last word and I raised my head to look at him. My big brother was crying, because of me.

I pulled him down to sit on the couch next to me, trying to stall as I thought of what I could say to placate him. I didn't know what Edward had told the rest of them and quickly determined that maybe that was a good place to start.

"What did Edw… What did he say happened? Maybe I can fill in the gaps," I said quietly, still unable to bring myself to say his name. I couldn't even say it in my mind yet. The cuts were still too deep. Too fresh.

"He said that he needed to get away and asked you to go with him." True. "And that he needed to keep going, but you didn't want to, which is why he left you where he did." Lie. "Dad, Esme and Carlisle found him stopped in a café on the way out of town. Pretty stupid, if you ask me. I mean, they knew he was in the area. He should have kept going." Unless he wanted to be caught. He was done running, just as he was done with me.

"What I don't get is how this happened" he gestured to me, as if my entire being was confusing him. It probably was. "If it was as simple as he says, then why were you vomiting? Why have you been such a zombie? What the fuck happened out there, Bella?" he pleaded as I stared at my hands, trying to find enough truth to pacify Emmett, without giving him a reason to kill my heart.

"I didn't want to stop running either, Emm. I'm sorry, I really am, but I didn't want to stop running." I suddenly realised that Alice and Rose were both in the room when Alice handed me a tissue for the streams of tears that were rolling down my face. I tried to smile at them both, to let them know it was okay that they were listening. They all allowed me a few minutes to compose myself. I struggled to breathe when, for a moment, I allowed myself to imagine what it would have been like if Edward had let me keep running with him. If he hadn't left me, if he had loved me as I still loved him. Emmett was crying too, gripping onto one of my hands as if I would slip away if he let go. I felt as if I could.

It took Rosalie breaking the silence to remind me that I hadn't finished my side of the story yet. "Why did you want to keep running, Bella?" I looked down at her face, streaked with tears as well, resting on my brothers' lap.

_Good fucking question, Rose._

"I don't know what to tell you. I guess it was because so much was changing." I struggled to get the words out between my sobs. "I know I came back all 'New-Bella', but I hadn't imagined how it would change everything else. Everyone was treating me differently. You guys were all sitting at a new table… things with Alice were so weird," I said softly, finding myself regretting the words as soon as I had said them.

Alice crawled onto the couch behind me, clinging to my back, sobbing a strain of apologies. "Please Alice, no. I didn't mean it like that." I reached the hand that Emmett wasn't clinging to behind me, grabbing onto hers. "I love you Alice, I am so sorry. It was my fault. I should have spoken with you more over the summer; I should have told you what was going on. It wasn't fair of me to spring it on you like I did." I hadn't even realised that I had been feeling this way until the words came flooding out. "I'm sorry, Alice. Please don't cry."

I could feel her pressing her face to my back, her tears seeping through my shirt. "I'm sorry too, Bella." She only whispered the words, but we all heard them.

I looked over to Rose and she nodded to me, urging me to continue. She was stroking Emmett's head as he laid it on our hands, obviously feeling guilty for his part in the changes at school. I felt awful for putting some of the blame on him, but it was better than him knowing the truth. I borrowed Rose's incredible strength to go on. "It wasn't just that. I don't even understand everything that was going through my head. I just didn't know how to process it all. Then when he told me I had to go back. I am so sorry, guys… I just didn't know what to do."

We all moved onto the floor in a tangled mess of limbs, clinging to each other for comfort, support and as a lifeline to the world. Things had gotten so messed up, so fast. We sat like that until the sun went down and a while after that too. We were much more composed when Emmett asked his final question. "If you didn't want to stop running, Bells, why did he leave you there?"

I couldn't lose it again. I knew that in order to protect my half truth I had to convince them that his leaving was not the reason for my breakdown. I also knew deep down that I was trying to protect _him_ too. "He didn't want me to get into any more trouble. He thought that Charlie would be easier on me if he left me behind." It surprised me how easily I was able to twist the truth into a lie, but still have the truth remain within it.

Luckily, they all seemed to accept the reasons I had given them and no more words were spoken. It didn't explain why Edward and I weren't talking or why I couldn't say his name, but it was enough for them... for now. We all stayed on the floor until Charlie got home from work and I was the first to step away, going into the kitchen to start on dinner. Charlie's face noted his surprise at seeing me return to the routine.

_Bella Swan is trying_

**************************************************************************

The pain wouldn't go away. The aching in my chest was unbearable every second of the day and was made even worse when I saw _him_. It was unavoidable, of course, since we went to the same school. Every time we walked past each other in the halls, I could feel the walls closing in on me and every time I saw him, our eyes would meet for a split second before he looked away. His always contained that same dark, unreadable emotion I had witnessed for the first time when he left me by the bridge. It was like each time I saw him, he was leaving me all over again and my heart broke into more pieces, if that was even possible anymore.

My days were filled with school, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie. Although it had seemed, before everything happened that Jasper and Alice were on the verge of something, but in the wake of everything that had happened he became Edward's new best friend. I felt awful for my friend, that my stupidity had caused her to lose her chance with him, but there was nothing I could do.

On the weekends, when the others let me out of their sight, I would lock myself in my room with my guitar. I poured everything I was feeling into my music, writing useless songs that never came close to expressing what I was feeling, but it was all I had to keep my emotions from exploding out of me. It was the most clichéd of releases, but it was all I had.

The nights were the worst, especially when everything was quiet. When Ali and Rose left for the night and Emmett and Charlie were in bed. When I was alone with my thoughts, my memories. When I was completely alone. I couldn't play my guitar for fear of waking my family up and found myself unable to breathe. I felt as though the pure force of the pain coursing through me would crush me whole.

It was in one of these moments that I snapped, running as quietly as possible into the dense forest surrounding the back of the house. I ran until my lungs were burning, collapsing to the floor in screams and sobs. I hoped I was far enough away from the house that no one would hear me as I pounded my fists and screamed until my voice disappeared. I screamed his name. It was the only time I could hear it, because it was the only time no one was near enough to see me crumble.

It became a nightly ritual.

As soon as I knew everyone was asleep, I would creep down the stairs and out of the house, eventually breaking into a sprint to the now familiar place of my solitude. On the third night, I discovered a tree all twisted and broken on the floor of the forest. It knew how I felt and I returned to it every night after that.

There was something so jarring about my screams shattering the silence of the forest at night. It was as if every living creature left me to my grief, my pain too much for them to bear witness too. I couldn't blame them. I wanted to run away from it too. But running away is what got me here in the first place. So I only did it a little. Every night.

I always made sure to return to the house well before the sun came up, just staying by my tree long enough to scream myself silent and bring on exhaustion. I don't know how I made it back to the house each night or into my bed for an hour or so of fitful sleep, but I did.

*****************************************************

It was two months, four days and twenty hours after my breakdown at the bridge that Emmett came barging into my room. "Get up, Bella. Surf's up and so are we. It's time to get back on the board, my little sister."

So it was that day that I found myself again, standing up on my board in my thermal wetsuit and gear, extremities freezing from the cold, blessing my brother. Most people would have thought this the craziest thing I had done since he had left me, but truthfully, it was the smartest. This is the one place that I always felt at peace, the one place where everything else melted away and all that mattered was catching the next wave.

My music may have given me the opportunity to vent what I was feeling, but surfing gave me a moment of peace. That single moment, each time I stood up on my board and rode the waves, where nothing else existed. It was heaven.

It was in one of these moments of clarity that I decided to stop.

_Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;  
Being purged, a fire sparkling in a lovers' eyes;  
Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears.  
What is it else? A madness most discreet,  
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.  
Farewell…_

I was going to stop letting the 48 hours of confusion, passion and more confusion that was my time with _him_ affect the rest of my life. It was time to stop now.

_**… it's done. Move on**_

I actually smiled for the first time in months on my way back up to the beach. Emmett was howling at the elements, echoing my feeling of release. He could see the change in me. I just needed to make sure it lasted past the break on the beach.

As we walked back up to Charlie, we realised he wasn't alone. I was surprised to see who was keeping him company, but not disappointed.

"Hey there, Sunday Surfer Girl. Welcome back."

**A/N**

_Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, Scene 1, spoken by Romeo to Benvolio_

**Thoughts, comments? REVIEWS?**

**Even monosyllabic reviews are love. **


	12. Deleted authors note

Deleted authors note.


	13. These days go on

**Author's note:**

_Reader Appreciation Day_

Appreciating my readers is something I have not been able to show because of the deluge I have experienced in my life over the last few months, but when I heard about today I thought it was the perfect time to post a new chapter.

Thank you SO MUCH to those of you who have stuck around. I don't deserve you.

This chapter has not been beta'd. I am a world of grateful to coldplaywhore for her help in the past, but seriously let her down by taking such a long break without much warning. I could never ask for someone to commit to me again until I commit to myself.

The good news – I have 3 more chapters on top of this one ready to go. I am writing again. I know where I want this fic to go. I hope you go there with me.

Ok, so as a recap. Bella and Emmett grew up in Australia with Renee until they were about 10 when they moved to Forks to be with Charlie. They were best friends with Edward and Alice. Edward was best friend / big brother to Bella. Until… Bella and Emmett spent Summer back in Sydney Australia with Renee. Bella came back looking all kinds of sassy and sexy. Bella caught the eye of hot older guy Jake, who was excited to find out she is the hot surfer girl at La Push every Sunday. He gave her a flower. Edward freaked and convinced her to run away with him. They confessed their love for each other and consummated their relationship. Edward went all Mr Hyde the next day and was a total arse. He left Bella in the middle of nowhere alone, said some truly awful things, and hasn't spoken to her since. Bella is working on getting herself back together. She has just decided to stop wallowing and get on with life. When we left off, someone was approaching her on the beach. I wonder who?

* * *

**Chapter 12. These days go on**

"Jacob"

I spoke his name with a sigh and wondered how I had forgotten about a boy as beautiful as him. I briefly remembered a flower still being pressed; I hoped Alice had kept it waiting for me. His smile was contagious and for the first time in months I felt the clouds start to part. As soon as I acknowledged it though, they came rolling back stronger than ever.

As much as I had been trying to hold it together, my face must have registered every emotion his smile had elicited from me – relief… longing… pain… _torture_ of the most hideous kind. Jacob's wonderful smile faded. "Are you ok, Bells?"

"To be honest Jake, it has been a rough couple of months, but I think I am starting to get back on track. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be off playing with cars?" It turned out that the racing team Jake had been working for had hit a snag in their financing and were waiting for a new sponsor to be available. Until that happened, he was going to be hanging around La Push. It was only going to be a minor set back – if they couldn't get their sponsorship sorted by the time his contract ran out in the new year, Jacob would be free to take up any of the many offers from other teams. It was no secret that he was the most talented young driver and would win NASCAR one day. So he was going to relish the time he had to spend with his Dad and everyone in La Push, whilst he had the opportunity.

"So tell me, Bells. What the fuck happened to you?" We had been walking alone for a while, silent for at least the last five minutes. We settled on a large boulder on the beach, staring into the waves. I had been daydreaming about the world beneath the waves. Jacob, it seems, had grown tired of waiting for me to speak.

"I didn't deal with my return from summer as well as I should have. I thought running for a while would help. It didn't. I'm working on it. The end." I figured that was the basics. I wasn't going to go into specifics as much as I had with the others, he wouldn't know the history, so that left me even less to work with.

"You suck at telling stories, Bells." Jacob laughed lightly, easily. Instantly, the mood lifted.

"Yeah, well, I am better at putting them to music. Things always sound better with a backing track."

"Sunday Morning Surfer Girl has even _more_ hidden talents? Well, Miss Bella, allow me to accompany you back to your family. Maybe if I take you back at a decent hour, they'll let you come and show me some time. I am an unemployed bum at the moment, you know. Someone needs to keep me entertained." Jacob lifted himself off the boulder and offered me his hand. "Let me help you up."

The sincerity of his words was not lost on me as I stared at him for a moment. He was offering more than assistance off the rock. He was offering to help me climb out of the chasm I had found myself in, without knowing really how I got there.

I reached out and placed my hand in his, taking all that was on offer.

~*~

Jacob and I walked back to his house silently, he never let go of my hand. The sweet boy walking beside me had offered to help me up, to help me out of this mess, and he showed his commitment to our new friendship by not letting go. I marvelled at the differences between us. His hand was so large, calloused from years of working on cars, and so amazingly _warm_. Warmth radiated out of every part of him… his words… his eyes. I tried to push away the guilt I felt at the fact that I was becoming dependant on him so instantly. I felt like I was a leech, sucking as much warmth from him as I could. I was desperately trying to fill myself up with Jacob. But it wasn't fair to him. I was only doing it to try and chase out the ghosts that Edward had left behind.

"Stop, Bells." Jacob tugged lightly on my hand, pulling us to a standstill. "Bella, please. Whatever it is that you were just thinking – just stop. I don't know what happened. I hope, in time, you trust me enough to tell-"

"Jake, I am so sorr-" I tried to push him away. I really did. He was already seeing too much. I was broken. A pitiful mess caused by 24 hours of bliss that now felt like they had been a mirage. It wasn't fair on him. I was using him, as cruelly as I had been used.

But try as I might, he didn't let me.

"Bella, stop. Just… don't interrupt me, ok? I need you to listen for a minute." His eyes pleaded with me to give him a chance. I gave in with a nod, hating myself for it. "Good. Now listen to me carefully, Surfer Girl. I have a feeling I am going to have to say this more than once, but every time I do? You are going to listen to me. I don't know what happened to you since last time I saw you, but I can see that someone really did a number on you." _Understatement of the century, dear Jacob._ I winced at his words, acknowledging them silently. I nodded for him to continue, keeping quiet, as he had demanded. "Ok, well that is fucked up. I have only had the pleasure, aside from today, of spending one incredible morning with you and I already know that you are one of a kind. Sweet, sarcastic, intelligent, beautiful… No Bella, you will listen to me." I had tried to pull away from him when he was listing the qualities of a person I could never be. He didn't let me. "One day, you will tell me what happened. _Not today_, I know. Maybe not for a long time. But just know that, when you do, I will be here to listen. To be a shoulder to cry on, and to be the one to go and get my rage on when I find out who the hell did this… I'm not done yet, Bella. Stop trying to walk away. _Please_."

I gave up on trying to pull away from him, choosing to stare at the grass between us instead. He continued. "In the meantime, here is what we are going to do. We are going to be friends, we aren't going to talk about whatever it is that happened to you to make you stop surfing for two months, and we are going to have you start resembling something close to the Bella I met before." He moved the hand that was not holding my own to lightly draw up my chin, bringing my eyes to meet his. "Can we do that, Bella?"

I tried to look through him, past him, at anything but him, whilst I processed his words. After at least a few minutes, I found the courage to ask, even if it was only in a whisper.

"Why?"

He let go of my chin, and my hand, and pulled me into an embrace so tight I could hardly breathe. "Because the world needs to see you smile again, dear Bella, and it would be my privilege to be the one to make that happen."

He felt the moment I gave in to my selfish need to be rescued. His hold on me loosened, but remained just as firm. I moved my arms to embrace him back, pressing myself into him as hard as I could. I couldn't remember starting to cry, but suddenly registered that I was. I was mourning what would never be with Edward… acknowledging just how horrible I had become, that I would use this amazing man I barely knew as shelter from my demons…

Jacob let me cry, until I suddenly felt a wave of calm crash over me. For that moment, I stopped imagining Edward's arms around me in the place of Jacob's; I stopped giving into the masochistic whispers that told me how selfish I was being. I did as Jacob had asked me. I stopped. Instead, I allowed myself to feel the comfort of a new friend. I remembered that not all changes brought with them a black cloud. Some were the silver lining.

Charlie and Emmett were waiting for me when we got back to Billy's house. Although they seemed less than pleased to see Jacob's hand holding mine, the look of calm on my face must have kept their comments at bay. I whispered my thanks to Jacob as we walked up to them. He squeezed my hand back in acknowledgement. There were no more words needed… today.

"Hey there, Baby Sister. Who have you got there?" Emmett may have held back from ripping Jacob away from me, but his big brother routine was pretty impressive as it was. Fortunately, Jake had the kind of confidence that made him irresistible. He won Emmett over with a handshake and an explanation of who he was, and why he was in town. He had Emm at NASCAR, all without letting go of my hand.

Charlie and Billy started saying their goodbye's before Emmett started humping Jake's leg and begging to take him for a drive. Jake walked me over to the car, waiting until the last minute possible before he had to let go of my hand.

It wasn't until later that night, when everyone had gone to bed, that the black clouds came crashing back down again. This time they brought with them the guilt that partnered the new silver lining. The weight of the emotions coursing through my head was almost too much to bear. I ran out of the house and through the forest until I found the tree I had visited so many times before. My feet took me to where I was going, when my head was too busy to concentrate on anything but holding back the screams before I arrived.

I collapsed to the floor, screaming and thrashing violently against the mossy carpet of the forest. I screamed Edward's name, telling him how much I hated him. I screamed Jacob's name, and told him how much I hated myself. I screamed longer than I had ever screamed before.

The thrashing was new. I had never so violently thrown myself around before. I couldn't control it. It was as if my sub-conscience had taken over and was demanding some kind of physical representation of the pain I was feeling. Or maybe it was just demanding a new pain, hoping it would take the intensity away from the others. It didn't.

I eventually forced myself to stop, my voice growing hoarse from the screaming and an ache in my muscles from being wound up so tight. I dragged myself into the house and into the shower before Charlie and Emmett could realise I had been missing.

The hot water against my skin felt wonderful, massaging the muscles beneath it and washing away the memories of the night before. I decided to break away from the emotions that were dragging me down again, locking them away tightly before drying myself off and getting ready for school.

Emmett was shaking his keys at the front door, frustrated with my need to eat before we left. I had taken longer than I had realised in the shower. As I took the last mouthful of my granola bar, I grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

_Today is going to be different_, I told myself. _Bella Swan is turning over a new leaf._

On the way to school, I hummed along to the music Emmett was playing. He looked at me with disbelief, but kept his comments to himself. When we pulled up to school, he paused for a moment after stopping the engine. "I'm glad you're getting better, Bells." He was so softly spoken, so gentle, so unlike my brother.

"Don't be such a girl, Emmett." I punched him in the shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.

He laughed. "Fine then, I'm not glad you're back. At least Weird Bella doesn't pack a punch."

I tried not to let his words get to me, needing him to be ok with talking to me normally. "Yeah, well. Too bad, Bro. I can't guarantee she won't come back again, but I have decided to do my damn-dest to keep her away."

He nodded in agreement. "Good. Glad to hear it Grommet." He used the nickname he had for us as kids, one that didn't really fit in our new home. It was an Aussie name for junior surfers, ones that hadn't earned their stripes yet. He knew I hated it.

"Careful who you are calling a grommet there, Big Brother. I'll wipe the waves with your ass next week." We were both laughing as we climbed out of the Jeep.

"Bring it on, Little Sister. Bring It On." We waved at each other in parting.

Yes. Today was going to be different.

~*~

Rome wasn't built in a day, nor was Weird Bella eliminated with the flick of a mental switch. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I was determined to try. That first day at school, after seeing Jacob again, was tough. Seeing Alice almost dragged me back under, but I fought it off. Walking past Edward in the hall, though, proved too much. I found myself in the bathroom hugging my feet to my chest, trying not to scream. Rose found me, climbing over the door to pull me into her embrace.

"Baby steps, little Swan."

I had not realised how much Rosalie had become a part of my life over the last few months. Of course, she had been dating Emmett for years, but there had always been a barrier between us. I was intimidated by her perfection and I was an unknown entity to her, the strange tomboyish little sister of her boyfriend. We had kept our distance. But now… she had been so incredibly _there_ for my brother through the darkest of recent days. She had seen me at my lowest point. She had become my friend.

"I'm trying, Rose." I was still fighting back the tears, determined not to go to class with puffy eyes.

She loosened her grip on me and smiled. "I know."

~*~

The week continued on with no more daytime breakthroughs or breakdowns. My emotions had been through the wringer over the past few months and it was nice to feel some sense of normalcy return to my life. I learnt to steel myself before walking the hallways, just in case I saw him. It made it easier. I engaged in conversation with my friends, but stayed on the peripheral. They all still watched me when they thought I wasn't looking, waiting for me to break again. I wish they wouldn't. Nothing makes a person feel more fragile than being reminded that they have been broken before.

Jacob called me on the phone almost every night after dinner to talk about meaningless crap. We watched TV together, making fun of the idiots on reality shows. He kept to his promise, not acknowledging the reason for our newfound friendship. It was easy to forget everything with him. He didn't know me well before, so accepted who I was without question. It was only during my conversations with him that I felt I could truly breathe.

It wasn't until the quiet of the night, after Jake and I had hung up the phone and everyone else was asleep that everything continued to crash down around me.

I still ran to in the middle of the forest, to a broken tree that no-one else ever saw, and screamed.

**A/N**

**Thank you again for reading. I hope to post approx every fortnight, but can't guarantee it. I can promise you this – I will finish this fic. Bella and Edward WILL get their happily ever after, even if you can't see it yet.**

**If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you via review. I hope there is someone still interested in reading this.**

**I appreciate you.**


	14. I got you

**A/N - epic. Important bits are underlined.**

**Ok, the universe is officially conspiring against me. Just as I started to get back into writing, I tripped over my laptop cord, breaking it and putting my knee through my couch and breaking that too. I also ended up in bed for 2 days with a back injury. Dammit! Arg.**

**Anyway, I bought a new laptop cord today and the first thing I am doing is posting a new chapter! Hurrah! Unfortunately, I haven't been able to write anything in the last two weeks. That'll teach me to back up to USB! I need to read over the last chapter I have written (Chptr 15) and pick it up from where I left off.**

**Oh well... here we go. Please remember, this has not been beta'd.**

**Remember where we left off last? Jacob wants to see Bella smile. Bella still screams and cries when no-one is watching. Everyone hates Edward.**

**Read on.**

13. I got you

_Bella Swan is giddy_

_Jacob Black: Why so excited, Bells?  
Bella Swan: You know exactly why, JB.  
Jacob Black: Yeah, but I want to hear you say it.  
Bella Swan: Nothing to tell. Changed my mind._

_Bella Swan is nonplussed, nonchalant and NOT GIDDY_

_Jacob Black: Ouch, that hurts Bells. Right to the heart.  
Bella Swan: Right to the EGO, more like.  
Jacob Black: Why do you have to bring the hate? Just admit it._

_Bella Swan begrudgingly admits that she does, indeed, bring the hate._

_Jacob Black: Smart ass._

Being friends with Jacob Black is one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life. Easier than breathing. He brought me back from one of the darkest places I have ever been and showed me how to live again. He made me laugh again.

The first time he saw me smile after our talks at the beach was one afternoon I had gone to meet him down at La Push. We were in his garage, just hanging out whilst he tinkered on his latest project. We were playing Shoot, Shag or Marry and enjoying giving each other the most awful combinations of people possible. When he struggled to decide whether to shoot Heidi Montag, Tara Reid or Lindsay Lohan, I started laughing so hard I was snorting.

"_No, I refuse. There is no way I would ever go near any of them. I keep my goods herpes free, thank you very much." He was literally squirming at the thought, his facial expression one of horror._

"_Come on, Jakey-poo. You know the rules – no opt outs. You made me choose between Rod Stewart, Steve Tyler and that old dude that dresses like a pirate. As if I would ever go anywhere near any of them! Gross old wrinkly guys really isn't my style" I pulled a face, sticking out my tongue. _

"_Bells, did you seriously just call me Jakey-poo?" He stood up, stalking away from the bike and in my direction. I could tell by the look on his face that he was trying not to laugh, but with his impressive stature it was still quite daunting. I decided the only way to fight fire was with some sparks of my own._

"_Yep" I said, popping my 'p'. "What are you going to do about it?"_

_He paused for a moment, grinning, before loping quickly over to me and pinning me to the ground. "This."_

_His hand quickly went to my sides and he was tickling me for all he was worth. I laughed so loud, snorting embarrassingly, for a long time after he stopped. When I realised he was sitting back on his ankles, just watching me, I stopped and raised my eyebrows in question. He smiled and said, simply "You asked me once why I wanted to be friends with you. That, right there, has just become one of my favourite memories."_

_He didn't say it, because he never said anything that referred to my previously broken state, but he didn't need to say it either. He was glowing. _

_Because he had made me smile again. Just as he had promised._

I knew that I was flirting with disaster. Jacob had promised to just be my friend, but everything he did showed how much he really cared for me. But his presence in my life had become so crucial to my happiness that I quashed any guilt I had as quickly as it arose. He knew what he was getting into, he had admitted as much on the beach that second/first day. Jacob Black was a grown man, capable of making his own decisions, and he chose to spend his time with me. Yay for me.

I was careful to find a balance in my life, between the old friends and the new. Most afternoons I went to the Cullen's cabin and jammed with Alice. She really is a little freak on the drums. Emmett and Rosalie sometimes joined me when I hung out with Jake in his garage. Rose enjoyed playing around with cars as much as the guys did and she bonded with Jake over it very quickly. He was trying to convince her to give NASCAR a go, arguing that a girl like her would blow all of the chauvinists out of the water. I think she was considering it.

School, however, is difficult.

Edward has taken to staring at me, every chance he gets. I don't know what his problem is, but it is driving me insane. He is sitting over the other side of the cafeteria, surrounded by blond cheerleading whores, burning holes in my psyche over and over. The others have noticed him doing it, but still respect my need to him not to be mentioned. Occasionally one of them would glare back at him, silently telling him to stop. He paid them no heed.

I was really excited today, because Jacob had finished fixing up a motorbike for me. After lots of pleading and reassurances (and promises to cook whatever he wants for dinner for a month), Charlie had finally given in and allowed Jake to give it to me. I had provided him with a thoroughly researched paper on the safety of riding a bike and promised to wear all of the protective gear he wanted. I ended up with a pair of leather gloves and riding pants, a bomber style, wind resistant jacket and a hard as hell helmet to ease his worries. Jacob was picking me up from school today, on my bike, because I couldn't wait until I got to La Push. I would be changing into my gear after gym.

"What's with the grin, Grommett?"

"Like you don't know, butt-munch"

The biggest smile I was currently capable of had been plastered all over my face from the moment I had woken up and remembered what day it was. It was BIKE DAY!!! Seriously, I _was_ giddy. There would be no hiding it from Jake when he got here.

"I know, little girl. I still don't like it, though." Emmett was just as worried about Charlie when it came to the thought of me riding a bike. They had both seen me riding around with Jacob on his a million times, as well as on my own on the res. They knew I could handle it. They were just being over protective. It's cool, 'cause I know it is because they love me. Thank fuck they liked and trusted Jake, because I never would have been able to get away with it were it not for his awesome skills of persuasion.

Skills I had been trying to emulate myself. "Emm, the thing is… I am not a little girl anymore. I am seventeen and will be off to face the big wide world before you know it. Don't you want to know that you are sending me off with the skills to handle myself?" I brought out the puppy dog eyes, before changing quickly back to a wicked grin. "I know I, for one, cannot wait to show off my mad skills this afternoon! I swear, I am giddy."

Emmett laughed, "Ok giddy girl. Just remember, Charlie is bringing the bike up on the truck, so Jake can ride beside you on his. You only have a permit, so don't do anything stupid like going above the limits or popping a wheelie. I am sure Dad is going to be following behind you every step back to the house." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my back to his chest.

"I love you, Emm. Seriously, I don't think anyone in the world has a better big brother than I do." He squeezed me a little harder before letting go. "Love you too, Grommett."

I started bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet, unable to keep still with all of the adreneline pumping through my veins.

_Bella Swan is a hyperactive ball of excitement_

Rose and Alice joined us at the drive of the parking lot. Rose was almost as excited as I was – she had tried to help Jake with the bike, but he insisted on doing it all himself. He was so proud of the way the promise of the bike had made me perk up, that there was no way he was letting anyone in on the project. He wouldn't even let Charlie or I pitch in any cash for the renovations.

Just before I was able to let any guilt bubble up to the surface, Charlie's truck and Jake's bike came into view. I started jumping up and down for real this time, grabbing onto Rose's hand as I did. "Ok, you've got to calm down Bells. Remember, Charlie is letting you ride the bike because you are a responsible young adult that can handle the responsibility. If you bound over there like an over-eager puppy, there is no wa-ay he is going to let you ride out of here by yourself."

Shit. Rose was right. Cool, calm, collected. Breathing. No bouncing.

Charlie and Jake pulled up near to where we were standing and I walked over as quickly as I could without resembling said over-eager puppy.

"Glad to see you have already put on almost all of the protective gear, Bells. As much as I might be worried about all of this, it is good to see you taking your safety seriously." Charlie started pulling the bike out of the back of the truck, whilst reminding me of the rules of the permit.

"I know, Dad. I promise." I figured the less I said the better. If I reminded him that we had been over this a thousand times before and snatched my bike away from him, he might not be so cool about all of this.

"Good girl." Charlie paused just before giving me my bike though, causing more than a little panic on my side. It must have shown on my face too, "Now, don't look at me like that. I am still letting you ride. You have been so excited about today that there is no way I would tell you otherwise, but I do have some bad news."

Be cool. He said you could still ride. Responsible young adult. Even though I was reciting this all to myself, my inner Bella was screaming GIMME MY BIKE DADDY!

Thank goodness I keep her locked away.

"What is it, Dad? Is everything ok?" I tried to put an expression of pure concern on my face, to mirror the one he had on his.

He stroked his moustache, sighing, "I hope so. I just got a call from the station. Mark needs me down there to help with a domestic dispute that seems to be unravelling at the station as we speak." Shit. There is no way he is going to let me ride without him following me. But he said I could still ride today. Confusing. Maybe I should pay attention to what he is saying.

"So, as I said, I trust Jacob. I trust you. I trust that you will ride your bikes straight to the house. No detures. Following all of the road rules. I will know if you don't do as I tell you, Bells. I have eyes everywhere." Creepy, but true. One time, Alice and I tried to sneak out of the house when we were supposed to be doing homework because we had a craving for a milkshake at the diner, and Charlie was at the house waiting for us to get back, having been informed by a pair of said 'eyes' that we were there. Creepy, but true.

Ok. Time to reinforce the image of Adult Bella so I can get my ride on and show the growing number of lingering students my mad skillz on my bike. Haha. Suck it, haters. I am a hot biker chick in leathers.

"I promise, Dad. Straight home. Jake will be riding by my side the whole way and I am sure Emmett and Rose will be behind us too." I pooled all of the calmness and sincerity I could into the tone of my voice and the expression on my face. All joking aside, there was nothing for Charlie to worry about. I was a responsible rider.

"Ok, well make sure your gloves and helmet are on tight before you go. I have to get to the station – it sounded like Mark was about to have kittens." Charlie hesitantly handed the bike over me and went to walk back to the truck, but I kicked out the stand and left my baby for a minute.

I ran over to my Dad, hugging him from behind just like Emmett had done to me only minutes before. "Thank you for trusting me, Charlie. I won't let you down." I rested my head on his back for a moment, truly grateful for him being so cool about this.

"I know, Bells." He patted the hand I had on his chest. "That is why I am letting you do this."

I unwrapped myself from him and watched as he got in the truck and started driving away. It wasn't until he was out of sight that I turned back around to my friends.

"Oompf." Unfortunately, I turned straight into a 6ft Native American man-child. "The hell, Jake? Standing close enough?" I laughed.

He had his hands on my waist, straightening me up before looking straight into my eyes. "You ready for this, Surfer Girl?"

The grin was back on my face as I stared straight back at him. "That's Biker Girl to you, Jakey. I was born ready."

He pulled me in for a hug, kissing the top of my head. He had become a lot more physical with is signs of affection lately but in a gradual way, like he was trying to be stealth about it or something. I tried not to think about what it could mean. Instead, I just allowed myself to enjoy the hot older guy that was doing everything he could to be close to me. Like I have said before – Yay me.

He released me mostly, taking one hand instead and walking me over to Red. I'd named my bike that after Rosalie convinced Jacob to paint it in a bright lipstick red, because it was 'hot'. We told Charlie it was because it would make me be more visable to other drivers on the road.

"OK, Bells. Here we go. Gloves on." He handed me my gloves, which Alice had been holding for me during Charlie's speeches. "Helmet ready? Shit, Bella, where is your helmet?"

"Calm down, Jacob. It's in Emmett's Jeep. Emm, can I have the keys please?" Emmett threw me the keys and I quickly jogged over to the Jeep to grab them. Unfortunately, on the way back, something else grabbed me.

"What the hell do you think you are wearing, Isabella?" Edward yanked me back, hard, securing a vice grip on the top of my arm.

This was so not what I fucking needed right now. I was having the most perfect day. I have Red, Charlie had to go, and all of the nosey little idiots in my school were watching Jacob and I with interest. I was having fun.

Now? Not so much.

"Fuck off, Edward." I tried to stay calm, but I was almost taken aback by the amount of venom that came through in my voice. "Let go of me. Now."

His eyes flashed for a minute, almost allowing me to see a medicum of pain in them, before turning straight back to steel. "No. You will tell me right now what in FUCKS name you think you are doing."

I tried to pull my arm away from him, but he was having none of it, his mood resembling that hideous day at the bridge. Fucker. I remember this asshole all too well "I am going for a ride on my brand new bike, Edward. Surely you remember how much I like a good ride?" I moved my body closer too him, hoping that it would surprise him enough to let me go.

It didn't work. Instead, he pulled me the rest of the way in, hard against his chest. I wouldn't give in. I raised my chin in defiance, staring him straight in the eyes as he spoke to me. "Of course I remember, Isabella. I just didn't realise you would trade one ride in for such another. If you were so desperate for something between your legs, you should have come to me."

Every word he said to me that horrible day came crashing back around me, but this time, I drew strength from them. I repeated them back, almost verbatim.

"It's done, Edward. Move on."

He let go of my arm, dropping it as if he was burned by it, but he didn't step back. "Is that what you are doing, Bella? Moving on? Tell me, what are you moving on too? That Neanderthal? Please." It wasn't until he pointed at Jacob that I realised my friends and family had all moved in closely behind me, hearing every word we were saying. Rosalie was currently trying to hold Emmett and Alice both back from killing Edward and Jacob was slowly walking closer to me. I turned away from Edward and took Jacob's hand in mine before turning back.

"I am moving on, full stop. It was a great couple of minutes we had there, Edward, but you know as well as I do… that is all it was." I sneered at him, squeezing Jacob's hand in what I hoped was reassurance.

Jacob reached his spare hand to cup my face, pulling my gaze from Edward's to his. "Is this the guy, Bella?" His voice was so tender, so full of the care that he showed me every day, that it shook me. I hadn't told him the reason for my breakdown, but he had pieced enough together to realise that the reason was standing right in front of us.

"It doesn't matter, Jake. Really." I tried to show him with my eyes and my actions that I was ok, but I was starting to realise that he was not. "Just tell me, Bells. Is this him?" His voice was starting to loose the tenderness and a tension was beginning to show.

Fuck it.

"Yes, Jake. It was him."

I dropped my head as Jake released me. "Emmett, take care of Bella for a minute. Please." Jake started shepherding me towards where Rose had miraculously managed to calm Emmett and Alice enough that she wasn't having to restrain them anymore. When I realised what Jacob was doing, I stopped dead in my tracks, looking back up at him pleadingly. "No, Jake. Let it go. Please? Come on, I really want to give Red her first ride on the mean streets of Forks."

He smiled gently, but with a strain in his jaw. "I promise not to do anything, Bells. I just need a word with him, that's all. Go back to Red and get your stuff ready, we'll leave in a minute."

And leave the two of them get all macho and stupid? No way. I also knew that there were only two people alive that could match my stubborness and they were both staring each other down right now.

"I'm not going anywhere without you, Jake. Say what you need to say, but I am staying right here." I stood right next to him, as the equal he had always allowed me to be. He didn't prove me wrong. He simply reached out and took my hand again, before speaking to Edward.

"Right then, we'll make this quick. Edward, is it?" Edward didn't respond verbally, simply sneering at Jacob like the spoilt child he so often was. "I'm Jacob Black. Although I can guess, I don't know what the hell you did to Bella, but you need to know one thing. You will NEVER get the chance to do it again. I am here now. If you _ever_ think of touching her, you will answer to me. Now, don't think I didn't see the way you grabbed her arm just then and, so help me God, if we get home and she has even a hint of a bruise I will hunt you down." The strength and assurity in his voice would have been frightening if aimed at me. He paused, making sure Edward had time to absorb his words.

He then continued "Now, we are going to walk away and continue the rest of our afternoon as we had planned. We are not going to give you another thought." Yeah, well that wasn't going to happen. Nice try though, Jakey. "You, however, are going to run home to Mummy's house, staying the fuck away from us, thinking about the million different things you are going to do to make sure that I never have to speak with you again. Don't fuck with me, boy. I have been around longer than you have and had way more time to learn how to deal with little shits like you."

Jacob turned, walking with me back to our bikes. He didn't say a word until we were out of earshot of Edward.

He stopped, pulling my head into his hands. "You ok, Bells?"

"Yeah, Jake. Thanks. You totes stopped me from kneeing him in the balls then." It seemed I was going to deal with the situation with humour, for now. The screaming and the crying would come later, I was sure of it.

He chuckled at me before kissing me on the forehead. "Good. I'd hate to be the one to tell Charlie you were suspended." He grabbed my helmet from my hand, putting it on my head and closing the visor.

"Let's get the hell out of here, honey."

The ride back to the house was exactly what I needed. The rush I always felt when on a bike was there, along with the exhilaration of finally having told Edward to fuck off. Jacob had been amazing too. Despite initially trying to hide me away, he allowed me to stand by his side whilst he spoke to Edward. It was the first time the true depth of his feelings had been made clear. Although they still scared me, I needed this man by my side too badly to let him see it.

That is why I let him kiss me.

Ok, so I didn't so much let him as didn't see it coming. When we got home, I was so buzzed that I kicked the bike to a stand still and ran over to him, jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist. He spun me around for a good while, before stopped suddenly. Before I knew it, we were kissing. I don't know how it started or who started what, but he was kissing me and I was kissing him back. I am not an idiot. I am a seventeen year old nobody from Forks WA and the hottest, sweetest, specimen of a 19 year old man that NASCAR and the Quileute's have ever produced was running his tongue along my bottom lip. So I opened my mouth and the floodgates all at the same time.

He kissed me for a good couple of minutes, before setting me back down and resting his forehead against mine. "Fuck, Bella. I swore to myself I wouldn't do that until you were ready."

I must have looked confused, so he continued. "I have been wanting to kiss you for ages, but I knew you were still dealing with shit because of that fuckwit. I just…" he ran his hand through his hair before resting it on my cheek, staring into his eyes that were full of overwhelming feeling "I just couldn't wait anymore. I am bursting to the seams with a million different thoughts and emotions that I was going to burst if I didn't kiss you. Please tell me I didn't fuck it up?"

I reached up to kiss him again. It was nice. "You didn't fuck it up, Jake."

I pulled him inside and sat us on the couch, before demanding he tell me what was going on in his brain. I had been ignoring his feelings for far too long now and it wasn't fair. To him or to me.

He told me about how he liked me, wanted to kiss me, and wanted to be there for me in any capacity I would let him. He also told me about how much he would like to kill Edward for hurting me and for the things he overheard him saying to me today. I convinced him not to, telling him that I did need him, and he wouldn't be able to kiss me if he was in jail. This then led to a good 20 minutes of making out on the couch before he decided he had to go home. He didn't want to, but he also thought we both had a lot to process and he needed to get off the couch before he did something that might make Charlie want to shoot him. I assured him that I wouldn't mind, but he just kissed me hard before leading me to the front door.

"I want to do this right, Honey. All of it. Romance, dates, parental permission, the whole lot. I came so close to fucking it up today. I really don't want to fuck this up." He was running his thumb along my cheek as he spoke. I swear I was listening, but I was also staring at his lips, wondering whether he would let me suck on the bottom one for just a little bit longer.

_Bella Swan is a hormonal teenager. Whatevs_.

He quickly pulled his hand back. "You've got to stop looking at me like that, Bells. Seriously. I need you to listen for a minute."

I moved my eyes away from his lips, knowing that there is no way I would be able to concentrate if I didn't. "I'm sorry, Jake. You were saying?"

He smiled and pecked me on the lips before continuing. "I want to kiss you for hours, Bella Swan, but I want to be able to take you out as well." How in the hell am I supposed to concentrate when he starts talking about kissing for hours? "Charlie knows about how I feel about you."

OK, that'll do it.

"Don't worry. He's laid down a couple of ground rules with me in case you agreed to go out with me. They are all perfectly reasonable, I promise." His hand moved back to my cheek, trying to distract me.

Cheater.

I pulled away from him this time, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "What kind of _rules_, Jacob Black?"

He waved his hands around to try and make it seem like nothing. "Please don't be mad at me, Honey. I know it is customary to get the girl to say yes to a date before her Dad lays down the law, but he surprised me with them the other day. It seems he and Billy are a couple of old gossips and they figured out my How to Woo Bella Swan Plan."

Plan? I knew about the whole, let''tnotice thing, but there was a whole Plan? Wait a minute. "Don't try and distract me, Jake. We'll discuss your stealthy little plan later. What are the damn rules?"

"Bugger, thought that might distract you. I'm not fooling anyone, am I?" I shook my head, waiting for him to continue. He did. "Well, there are only a couple of rules. All completely understandable. Your curfew is 10pm on weeknights and 2am on weekends. If we go to any parties, your brother has to be there too. No alcohol. Nothing illegal."

Hmm. That all did sound quite reasonable. He already had the partying with Emmett rule and I wasn't surprised it was still in place. The curfew was fine, more than I expected really. I am not a massive fan of alcohol, so that isn't a biggie. Nothing illegal. Charlie _is_ the Chief of Police and a father, so it isn't really surprising. I wasn't about to let Jacob and my father dictate all of the rules of my burgeoning relationship, though.

"Fine. But I have a rule of my own."

Jacob seemed weary all of a sudden, but waited for me to continue before objecting.

"I am a seventeen year old girl and you are the hot guy I am about to start dating, yes?" Nothing like a little flattery to catch a guy off guard.

"You think I am hot, Bells?" Ha.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his chest to look up at him before laying down the law. "Yes, Jake. I think you are hot. I think you are very hot. I will be more than willing to share with you more things I think when you take me out on this date you keep talking about."

He responded favourably, wrapping me up in his arms as well, moving in for a kiss. Time to go in for the kill. I pulled my head back slightly, letting him know I was not done talking. "My rule, Jacob Black, is that you will not set any more rules with my father or discuss our relationship with him in any way without me present. If you want to date Charlie, feel free to discuss anything with him till your little heart is content." The look of shock, entertainment and disgust on his face was adorable, but I pushed myself to continue. I wanted to get back to the kissing. "If you want to date me, you will discuss these things with me. Understood?"

He nodded, clearly not sure if I was done talking yet.

We sealed the deal with a kiss.

**A/N**

**Do you trust me? I _swear _this is an E/B fic, but Jacob is not the bad guy. E & B have a lot to go through before they are anywhere near a place to be romantic again. **

**I hope that all makes sense.**

**FYI - for CPW and anyone who was confused by what a 'fortnight' is from the last chapter? It is an English/Australian term for 14 days (2 weeks). So we go from 7 days=1 week, 2 weeks = 1 fortnight, 2 fortnights = 1 month.**

**Sorry! I sometimes forget that we speak in different languages!**

**Thanks again for sticking with me. It makes my day and encourages me to write. Well, that and the two bottles of wine I have purchased to celebrate pay day! Cheers!**

**Please review. Even if it is just a single word.**


	15. Turn back time

**A/N**

**Sorry for the false alarm. I accidentally posted chapter 16 before 14 and 15. Fail! **

**I also just realised that I never published Chapter 4 - I didn't scream. For anyone that is interested, PM me your email address and I will send it through. I don't _think_ it makes a massive difference at this point. It was mostly filler.  
**

**This one is very short and very different. It is almost completely flashback. I will post 15 with it straight after, so the update is decent. **

14. Turn back time

_Warmer weather, lazing about with friends, moaning about the lack of a 'real' summer in Forks. Three things I would not be experiencing this Summer. My mother has summoned Emmett and I back to the land of our childhood now that she and Phil have settled in one place for a while. Phil has bought a share in a club and they are playing house. Apparently, they need to include Emmett and I to complete the scene._

_So, that is why I am currently arguing with one of my best friends over what to pack. Speaking of… "Alice, it may be coming into winter in Sydney, but I won't be needing my winter coat. Weather down there is a little different. It won't be that cold. I'll manage with a hoodie."_

_The little sprite shook her head disapprovingly, but returned the coat to my closet. "You may as well get that tattoo'd to your forehead, Bella. It is like, your catchphrase or something. You and your fucking hoodies. You'd think you might have absorbed some of my fashion sense over the years you have spent being my friend."_

_I laughed at her, as I always do when she picks at my lack of care when it comes to my clothing choices. You see, it isn't that I want to look like a slob or anything. I just don't feel the need to wear whatever it is that Seventeen magazine is telling me to. "Yeah, well, Alice… neither of us is a shining example for learning by osmosis. You seem to have failed to pick up on my love the comfy too."_

_She huffed at me. "I am perfectly comfortable as I am, Isabella Marie Swan." Oh shit, she is full naming me. Blech. She knows how much I hate that. I need to cut her some slack though, she is taking us leaving badly. _

_You see, Alice and I are part of a four piece package deal. Alice and her older brother, Edward, became close friends with Emmett and I as soon as our feet landed in Forks. Even when Emmett started dating his current girlfriend, it didn't change the fact that the four of us are as close as you can get. I went from having one protective brother to two, with an exuberant twin sister to seal the deal._

_Edward was more than just a brother to me, though. He was my best friend. Sure, Alice was my best friend too, but it was different with Edward and I. We got each other. He never made me feel like less than… well anything, no matter how much of a clumsy, tomboyish idiot I could be sometimes. He would just wrap an arm around me, kiss my head and tell me that I was perfect, just the way I am. Likewise, I never made fun of him for any of his excentricities either. Edward could be really moody, paranoid to a fault, and was always worried about living up to the expectations of those around him. I was the only one that could bring him out of his funk sometimes, with just a wink and a hug._

_Sure, we argued sometimes, but only when I would try and do something he thought was dangerous (like cliff diving) or if he was particularly cranky and wouldn't snap out of it. Our fights never lasted long, thankfully. Half an hour of not talking to each other was enough to have us both running for a hug and laughing over whatever it was we were fighting about (although, I never did get to go cliff diving)._

_Charlie, my Dad, loved having the Cullens over. He liked knowing that Emmett had backup in Edward when it came to watching over me and he adored Alice. She had him wrapped around his little pinky – it was so cute to watch the two of them._

_Edward wasn't taking our leaving for the summer well, he was taking it even worse than Alice was. Damn broody boy had been locked up in his piano room for the last two days, wasting any time we could have been spending together. I kept on trying to get him to come out and hang with the rest of us, but my usual tricks weren't working. This was something new, me not being able to de-broodify him. Every time I would try and drag him away from his prized baby grand the same thing would happen._

"_Are you still going away for the Summer, Bella?"_

"_Yes, Edward, but it isn't like this is our last Summer to hang out, there is always next y-"_

"_You're still going, so I'm staying in here. May as well get used to what my summer is going to be like."_

_Remind me why I am friends with him again?_

_~*~_

_I was reminded as to why exactly I was best friends with Edward Cullen the night before I left for the Summer. Charlie and Emmett were already in bed, tired after a father and son fishing day. I had finished packing, or rather re-packing everything once Alice had left (honestly, I would not need thermal underwear). I was sitting on the couch watching Letterman when Edward let himself into the house. I didn't lift my head from its comfortable position on the couch. Cullen's letting themselves into our house was not a new concept._

_He flopped down next to me, picking up my feet and resting them on his lap. "I'm an ass."_

"_No, you're not." I muted the TV and shifted myself, replacing my feet on his lap with my head, and looked up at him. "You are a moody bastard."_

_He chuckled and started to run his fingers through my hair, fanning it out across his legs.. I closed my eyes and almost purred – he knew I loved having my hair played with._

"_Don't go." He spoke so quietly, almost in a whisper._

_I opened my eyes and looked straight into his. "I'm coming back, Edward."_

_He nodded, but continued to have that same sad look on his face. He continued to concentrate on my hair, rather than look at me. I was sitting up and pulling his chin to look at me before he realised I had moved. I used his confusion to take a moment to set things straight._

"_I don't know what is going on with you right now, Edward Cullen, but let me just say this. I can't help you if you don't tell me. You are my best friend, my brother and the person who knows me better than anyone in the world. I can't help you if you don't tell me what is going on." He went to interrupt me, but I continued before he could. "I may be going away for a few weeks, but I am coming back. Everything will be exactly the same in September. So pull your head out of your ass and-"_

~*~

I don't know what it is that made me dream of my last night in Forks before the Summer. Maybe it was my brains way of reminding me just how much has changed. I broke my promise to Edward. _I_ changed. _We _changed. I was with Jacob now, Edward was with his latest blonde of the week, and _everything_ was different.

I didn't run to my tree in the woods. I didn't cry. I felt a pang in my chest when I thought about the friendship I had lost. There was no-one around now who knew me like he had, but I had to accept that now. I couldn't regret the changes that I had made when I was visiting with my Mum. I had discovered a more confident me and had experienced one perfect night with Edward. I had to stop dwelling on everything that happened immediately after it and concentrate instead on what my life was now. We all have to grow up sometime.

I am Bella Swan.

Brother to Emmett.

Daughted of Charlie.

Friend of Rosalie.

Best friend of Alice.

_Bella Swan is in a relationship with Jacob Black._

**A/N**

**What did you think of that?**

**Thanks to bouncy_72 and msnomer for reviewing the last chapter. I appreciate you sticking with me.**

**If anyone reading this could take the time to review, I would greatly appreciate it. Having only 2 reviews for the last chapter was disheartening.  
**

**Thank you.  
**


	16. Go away come back

**15. Go away, come back**

Edward's words with me and Jake in the parking lot at school caused problems. Emmett tried to bring up the conversation with me as soon as he got home. Rose was quick to step in though, defusing the situation immediately by confusing him completely and then distracting him by walking up to his room and taking off her clothes. Hey. Don't judge. It worked. Rose later told me that she had also convinced Emmett that I would tell him when I was ready and not to push. I seriously love that girl.

Alice, however, was a totally different beast. She turned up at my house as soon as the whole 'Jacob Black is now in a relationship with Bella Swan' thing turned up on facebook. She stormed in, taking no prisoners, except for me…

"Hi Bella. Had a good afternoon with Jake yesterday? Glad to hear it. Hey, can you come up to your room for a minute? I think I left something up there."

Emmett and Rose just shrugged at me from their position on the couch as I made my way to follow Alice. They pretended not to know that look. The look that Alice gets when she has pieced together something that you were trying to keep from her. It's the exact same look she got on her face when she realised that Esme and Carlisle switched the coffee in their kitchen to decaf without telling anyone. Emmett and Rose totally knew that face. I understood why they chose to stay well away from it. No-one goes against Alice Cullen when she has that face.

I was yanked from my musing and thrown into my room.

"Why don't you take a little seat there, Bella? You've had a pretty big day, wouldn't you say? Take a rest. I suddenly feel the need to tell you a story." Alice was searching my room for something whilst pointing to the old rocking chair that would become the defendants box.

"No, thanks Alice, I'm good. Can I help you find what you are looking for?" I knew it was a long shot, but denial seemed like a pretty good place to be right about now.

Alice whipped her head around from searching under my bed and became completely still. Although I could see the aggravation coming off her in waves, her face was like stone. She stared me down, jaw clenched, as she spoke quieter than I had ever heard.

"I don't know, can you Bella? Can you help me find it? I seem to remember us writing up a Best Friends Contract when we were 11. We'd just fought over the last of my Mum's ginger snap cookies and never wanted to fight again. I have this perfect memory of us sitting on my parents front porch with a piece of yellow paper and all of our markers. We declared that we would share everything with each other and signed it with a Lip Smackers kiss. Yours was chocolate-raspberry and mine was watermelon. Seems like a pretty strange memory, considering your recent actions, doesn't it? I don't think it was real. It can't have been real, could it? I mean, the last six months just **don't seem to match that**, do they?"

Fuck.

Her body language was tense with anger but her eyes and words were filled with tears of hurt and betrayal.

"You left me here all alone, all summer, went off and had an amazing life-changing experience. You _changed_. You came back all confident and sassy and fashion aware. You weren't the same girl that left Forks in May, but I accepted it and forgave you for not calling me and telling me the moment you had your first kiss. I forgave you for not sharing with me the massive shift in who you are, because you asked me to. You promised that you were still _you_ and that we were still _us_, that we were still _sisters_." Her voice was shaking now and occasionally interrupted by a hiccup or a sob, because of the massive amount of crying that she was doing. I had sunk into the chair in the corner, feeling like the worst person in the world. "But you lied to me, Bella. You **lied** to **me**. you ran away with my brother and did _way_ more than you told me. I get now why you were such a mess when we found you. Edward fucked you, didn't he?" I tried to speak, to tell her that Edward didn't _fuck _me, but she didn't let me. "No, Bella, let me get this out, because I swear to God, if you interrupt me now I will start crying so much that I can't get this out and I really need to get this out."

"Ok" I whispered, as she continued on her exposition of recently uncovered facts and betrayals.

"You and my brother had sex. You ran away and had the sex and then, for some reason I can't for the life of me figure out, he left you in the middle of nowhere." I nodded, not knowing if I was allowed to speak, but acknowledging the pause as she took a seat on my bed. "Ok, so you had sex with Edward. I'm sorry I have to keep saying that, because I see you cringe every time that I do, but I just need to keep saying out loud a few more times because it doesn't make any sense, Bella. Edward had the sex with you, left you, didn't speak with you for months, and then freaked out when he saw Jake. I've seen a lot of things in the last few months, Bella. I've seen my best friend become a ghost, my relationship with _my brother_ turn from as close as can be to strangers living in the same house and the amazing sparks I have with Jasper turn into some kind of Romeo and Juliet shit because we are suddenly on different sides of a war we don't understand. My parents miss you. They miss Emmett. My Mum gets all teary looking at the photos of you on the mantle whenever we sit down to dinner because you haven't seen or talked to her in forever. Dad is doing his best to make her happy, but she feels like she has lost her family, because of me and Edward not talking and you and Emmett not being here, and as much as this new information shows things in a new light, it still is all so fucking confusing and my brain hurts and I know this is the longest rant ever and I am starting to not make any sense, but none of this does. None of this makes any sense, Bella."

She raised her beautiful, sad, eyes to me pleadingly. "What am I missing here, Bella? Please, if you love me, tell me. What the fuck else don't I know?"

It physically hurt to see Alice so upset. As soon as she stopped, I ran to her feet, resting my forehead to her knees. I decided to tell her everything. But I needed to start it with an apology first.

"I am so sorry, Alice. I broke the contract. I thought it would be a fantastic surprise if I returned to Forks with a new wardrobe and attitude for Junior year. I thought you would be all giddy and happy and I wanted to be able to see that wonderful look on your face. It was selfish of me, Alice. I know I apologised for this already, but I need to apologise for it again because it was selfish and wrong and I completely broke the contract." I lifted my head and reached under the bed, pulling out the box that contained the basis for our friendship. I placed it in Alice's hands before settling down onto the floor to continue.

"The contract is real, Alice. Our friendship is real. I have been so sucky and awful and I will do anything to make amends. I will tell you everything. I will answer any question you have. Before I do, though, I need you to know that I **never** meant to hurt you. Everything just happened so fast and was so unexpected that I just did everything I could to keep my brain from exploding. I want to fix this, Alice. I want to fix it so bad, but I don't know if I can. So much happened that can't be taken back that I don't think it can all be fixed." Alice looked so scared at this and I realised how my words must have sounded. "I don't mean us, Ali. God, I hope we can be fixed. I think we can be fixed. I mean everything else. Everything with… Edward."

If I was going to tell her everything, I was going to need to be able to say his name. This was going to be hard, and heartbreaking, and I leaned my head back onto her lap because I couldn't look at her whilst I admitted to all the things that had happened. All of the things I should have told her.

As I was steeling myself to tell her, I felt her fingers brush through my hair. It reminded me of Edward's hand through my hair the night before I'd left for Australia. But I couldn't think of that now. More recent and painful memories needed to be dredged. Alice meant it as a comforting gesture, as a sign that she was willing to listen, and that she still loved me. I needed to concentrate on that. "Go on" she whispered.

I told her about Edward showing up in my room at her house, needing to run away. About how he hadn't really given a concrete reason for it, but that I just couldn't say no. I told her about us driving for hours and him needing a sign. I told her about The Bridge of the Gods and booking into the Best Western. I told her about him dragging me out to said bridge, but then paused. I didn't know how to tell her what happened next.

"Ali, everything that happened next is what you are asking me to tell you. It is the missing pieces that will make all of this mess make sense and I am so fucking scared of telling you. It is so big and has become such a mess that I am scared you are going to be mad at me, mad at him, hate us both and leave me forever. I am so scared of saying it out loud because that means that it really happened. I know it was stupid, but a part of me felt like if I didn't tell you, it wasn't all real. Like maybe if I told the half truths enough, the bits I didn't say would go away like they hadn't happened." I was crying as hard as Alice had been now, taking my turn to litter my speech with sobs and gasps.

Alice proved how much better than me she is. She always has been. She seemed to know that I couldn't look her in the eye and tell her the truth, but she showed me that she was there for me in the truest way a best friend can. She lifted my head from her lap and slid to the floor to sit next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder and taking my hand. "I'm here, Bella. I've seen enough, in the months since whatever happened, to know how much it hurt you and how hard it has been for you. I'm sorry I yelled. I just need to know. I promise I'll still be here at the end of it all."

"I don't deserve you, Alice."

She sighed. "I know, sweetie."

We giggled quietly amongst the tears and she waited for me to tell her the rest. She sat quietly, with her head on my shoulder and her hand in mine, whilst I found the courage.

"He told me he was in love with me." She gasped at my confession, but didn't move an inch. The world around us paused as my words sunk in, before I continued.

I told her about our sweet words on the bridge. I skimmed over the details of our night at the hotel, just telling her how perfect and amazing and full of love it was. About how loved he made me feel and how full of love for him I was. I then told her about his freak out at her phone call and his vitriol by the bridge, where we had confessed our love in the twilight just past.

"He told me that it was a mistake. He'd had his fun and that was all it would ever be. He was so cruel, Alice." I was struggling to breathe, tears and snot dripping down my face. I wiped my face with my sleeve, but it was a useless endeavour. "I know I told you I would tell you everything, but I can't repeat his words. Is it enough for me to tell you that? He said it was a mistake, that it would never work, that I needed to grow up and move on. He left me at that, promising that you and Emmett would arrive soon, driving away with my heart. I can't repeat the rest of his words, Alice. I just can't…"

Alice was sobbing as hard as I was now, and we both slid further to the floor, clutching each others hands. We curled into each other and cried for a long time. I was blessed to have a sister that shared my pain so completely. After over an hour, I moved my head to be able to look in her eyes for the first time since I began to tell her the whole truth.

We continued to cry. Our eyes told each other that our bond was as strong as ever, despite my betrayal, but also acknowledged the multitude of events that now plagued our ties to each other. They were weighed down with my actions, with Edwards words, with the impact that it had on everyone around us.

Rosalie came in later that night, gently moving us up onto the bed and under the covers. We went to sleep, still gripping each others hands and didn't move all night.

~*~

When we woke, our eyes were sore and red and we were able to convince Charlie to let us stay home. He called the school, making our excuses, and left for work at the same time as Emmett. We moved around the house in silence, preparing ourselves for the next conversation to come. Once we had eaten and were clean, we sat on the sofa in the living room, held each others hand, and readied ourselves for part two.

Alice spoke first. "I hate him."

The conviction of her words were as strong as I had ever heard. It was exactly what I had feared, but a billion times worse. "Please don't."

"How can I not? He is the worst kind of person. He told you he loved you and broke your heart. He took you away from us and gave you back with a piece missing. A massive piece missing and the rest of you broken. I'm sorry, I know that sounds awful, but it's the truth."

"I let it happen though, Alice. I could have said no, when he asked me to come with him. I am the one that pushed him to tell me what he was thinking on the bridge. I was a more than willing participant in everything that happened that night." I saw her cringe, trying not to connect the dots between my willingness and the fact that we were talking about her brother.

"Ew. Sorry, Bells, but can we please not talk about your 'willingness' when referring to that? Those _particular_ details are ones that you can definitely keep to yourself." We both laughed, acknowledging the awkwardness. "But seriously, I understand now. I understand why you couldn't tell me and I hope you forgive me for pushing you to. I can't even imagine how you feel, but I get it. But I am so glad I know now. I wish it had never happened, but I am glad you told me. Because now I can help."

I smiled at her, amazed by her generosity of spirit and marvelled again at how lucky I was to have her. "Thank you, Ali. I am so sorry that I couldn't tell you. It was so hard to have it all running through my mind, over and over, that the thought of telling anyone was unimaginable. But I'm glad you know now, too." I squeezed her hand, assuring her that I wasn't mad at her pushing me last night. "I just don't think there is anything that you can do to help. I don't think there is anything anyone can do."

She smiled gently back, "A problem shared is a problem halved, my little Bella. you aren't alone in this anymore. I know now and I will bash the shit out of that poor excuse of a human being if he so much as looks at you ever again." Although I knew she was telling the complete truth, she said it with humour, lifting the mood of our conversation.

"Although, I don't think I am the first person in that line. What the hell is going on with you and Jacob Black?"

~*~

Dating Jake was fun. He was one of my favourite people. He made me laugh. Every girl in my school (with the exception of Alice and Angela) was green with envy the next day when I arrived at school. Our facebook declaration had made our relationship public, very quickly. My popularity went through the roof. I was a Junior at Forks High, dating the hot up-and-coming NASCAR older guy. My Dad liked him. Sure, he was a little concerned by the age gap; but he had known Jake his whole life and trusted me with him. Emmett, Rosalie and Alice loved him and he fit in with us perfectly.

Although I was now in possession of my beautiful shiny form of transportation, Red the magnificent bike, Emmett still drove me to and from school, except for the days that Jake would surprise me by picking me up. That was almost every day. I argued with Jake about that, telling him that I didn't expect him to chauffer me around all the time. He would laugh every time I said this, saying "There's no-where else I would rather be, Bells. You're my girl." I would then tell him that the only reason he was picking me up was that he is an unemployed bum with nothing better to do with his time. After a couple of weeks of just laughing me off, he started to suggest other things he could do with his time. All of these were whispered, because Emmett would kill him if he heard.

Yeah.

Sometimes we would act like an old married couple (well, as much as we could with me being in high school) and we settled into a routine. He would pick me up from school most days, bringing me down to La Push to hang out with him. Sometimes we'd hang out with his friends, sometimes my friends would come down. Sometimes we were at the beach, sometimes in his garage. One thing settled in pretty quickly though. It seemed that Jacob could not go longer than an hour or so without dragging me away to make out. He said that he had gone too long trying not to kiss me and was making up for lost time. Emmett was funny about it at first, until Rosalie reminded him to be grateful we weren't as bad as them at my age. Got to love Rose. Everyone else just groaned or laughed at his impatience.

Once we were out of sight and hearing from everyone else, he would consume me. Not literally, but it sure felt like it sometimes. He would lean me against anything that was nearby, a wall or a tree usually, and start by kissing me slowly. He never failed to show me that it wasn't just about the physical. He needed me. He needed the connection between us and to feel like we were the only two people in the world. He made me feel so special. One of us would eventually break, turning sweet and tender into rough and demanding. Hands, lips, everything, would start burning our skin, fusing us to each other. We'd yet to make it further than second base, but were idling there nicely. He would whisper sweet things to my skin, telling me how beautiful I was, or how lucky he felt. I don't think he even realised he was doing it most of the time. He was genuinely one of the most caring and attentive boyfriends in the history of boyfriends. As soon as either of us started getting close to sneaking third base, Jake would slow things down. I could tell he didn't want to, but he seemed to still be following his stupid plan. I knew it was the right thing to do. We weren't ready to move further than we had yet, but damn if my teenage hormones weren't giving my knowledge of that a run for its' money.

Most nights we would then make our way back to his car and he would drive me to Charlie's house where I would make dinner for whoever happened to be there at the time. I stuck to my agreement with Charlie to make dinner on command for a month, but it sometimes evolved into making dinner for Charlie, Jake, Billy, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and even some of the La Push gang on occasion. I didn't mind, I love to cook. Charlie loved having a house full of his family and friends, so long as everyone respected his need for quiet during sports. Except if his team was loosing, when it was totally acceptable to yell at the TV with him.

On the surface, it looked like I was living a pretty great second semester. I had a wonderfully devoted and attentive boyfriend, great friends and social standing, a loving family. I was still working on the rest of it though. Alice developed a sixth sense of knowing when I was about to slip into melancholy and drew me out of it most of the time. If we were with other people, she would distract me by any means necessary. There were a lot of times that she had Jacob show how strong he was by lifting me in the air above his head. She came to know that he could always make me laugh. If we were alone, it was the total opposite. She would let me feel the despair, but only if I shared it. She had me telling me what was going through my mind, the cringing kept to a minimum when it danced around the more x-rated memories.

It was during one of these conversations that she raised the subject of her parents, Esme in particular, and how much they missed Emmett and I. We decided to have them over to Charlie's house for dinner, with his permission of course, and plans were quickly made.

Jake wasn't too happy when he found out that Edward's parents were coming to my house for dinner. I tried to remind him that they were Alice's parents too, but he just insisted that he needed to be there 'just in case'. It didn't seem too much of a big deal. He was at our house most nights for dinner, post make-out session. Of course, once Charlie found out Jake was coming, Billy was quickly added to the guest list. We are waiting for them to announce their civil union any moment now. We've joked for years that they are waiting for the opportune moment to come out of the closet. They didn't find it as amusing as the rest of us did.

So it was that I was now planning for dinner with Charlie and Billy (snigger), Emmett and Rosalie, me and Jake, Alice, Esme and Carlisle. A rag tag bunch, but all of the most important people in my life in Forks…

I hated myself for wishing there were another name on the list.

**A/N**

**Because of my epic fails and the lack of reviews, I have decided that I am writing this for no-one but myself. Not a bad decision, I think. After all, Jane Austen wrote Emma expecting everyone else to hate it. Everyone hates Mr Darcy in the beginning.  
**

**MASSIVE thanks to bouncy_72 and msnomer. Your reviews have kept me going. I know that reading an awful Edward is difficult to take in an E/B fic. Your trust in me means the world.**

**For those of you sticking around - the next chapter is written and will change EVERYTHING. Here is a teaser:**

**Alice**: Don't call me Ali-pants, Jakey-wakey.

**Esme**: Enough, Alice. I'm sure we all acknowledge that you have a massive store of nicknames for us all. Charlie, would you like another beer?

**Jacob**: Thanks, Esme, but I think I can fight my own battles.

**Me**: Jake, don't start.

**Reviews will get a bit more of a teaser!**


	17. We are family Saturday night

**A/N**

**Thank you for continuing to read this fic. I appreciate you sticking with me and trusting that I will bring Bella and Edward together in the end, happily.**

**Ok, here we go… dinner with everyone. Well, almost everyone.**

**The writing style changes a little towards the end. I hope you like it!**

16. We are family / Saturday night's alright for fighting

What the hell was I thinking? A dinner with three Swans, three Cullens, two Blacks and a Hale. All that was missing was the damn partridge in a pear tree. Or, rather, a Koala in a Gum Tree if I was going with the adopted Australian version. Wow, I haven't heard that in years. I wonder if you can download it anywhere on the internet? Emmett would drive Renee mad when we were little, prancing around the house, singing along to it. I will keep that in mind next time I need Charlie driven to distraction.

_Bella Swan is willingly distracting her inner monologue to avoid thinking about dinner_

I'd planned out the menu days ago. Alice had taken hold of the evening and decided it would be a full three course meal extravaganza. She'd roped Jake into helping her decorate the dining table with crisp white linens with blue and green accents. She claimed her inspiration was the beaches of Northen Sydney, proclaiming the evening a belated 'welcome home' for Emmett and I. It seemed Alice was attempting to hit restart, becoming the President of Team Jacob and using all of her wiles to bring together the family she'd decided we would all have. It had one glaring omission. He was attending Jessica's party instead. The school grapevine was alive with speculation as to the split between him and the rest of us. None of it was close to the truth.

Edward was no longer a part of my life, a part of my family. That would be really gross, considering everything that had happened. I kept trying to convince myself that he was nothing to me now, but failed at every corner. I knew that I should be happy with my relationship with Jacob. He was perfect. He was attentive, passionate, beautiful and completely obsessed with me. There were moments with Jake when I felt amazing, like I was flying, but it was all so temporary. The clouds still rolled over. One person still hovered over every moment, storming back into my thoughts at every vulnerable moment. I couldn't let that happen now, I couldn't think about that now; tonight was about family.

I was ordered by Alice to write out the menu for her to be able to make place cards. We were having an official dinner party, the first I'd ever catered for. Sure, I'd cooked for the masses in the past, but the pressure I was feeling was immense. I tried to keep the menu as simple as possible. The Aussie concept of surf, turf and summer. It was all food I'd grown up on and loved, with little for anyone to complain about. I had almost a whole truckfull of food to make sure there was enough to feed both Jacob and Emmett.

Ali tried to dress me for the occasion, but I reminded her that I had to wear clothes I was able to cook in. I'd won the battle, and was currently in the kitchen finishing off the pavlova and putting it in the fridge, comfortable in my 'hot' dark jeans and deep green wrap top. Accessories were at a minimum – hoop earrings only. No-one wants a necklace dipped in their food and I didn't want to be cleaning crap off of any rings all night. I also had an apron over my clothing, Jacob having bought me one a few weeks ago. He thought it was hilarious. It was of a ninteen fifties housewife with text saying "I ran into my ex the other day, so I backed up the car and ran over him again". He and Ali thought it was hilarious. Everyone else pretended not to know who it was aimed at.

All food prep was now done and I moved out into the lounge room. Everyone was here except for Carlisle and Esme. Charlie, Emmett, Billy and Jacob were all watching some sports wrap up crap on the TV, whilst Ali and Rose were trying to get them to turn off the telly and start acting like this was something other than a normal night at the Swan house.

"Come on, Charlie. Mom and Dad are going to be here really soon. Please, Bella has put so much work into tonight. It has been way too long since we've all been together." Alice pleaded with Charlie, pulling out no stops, pout in position.

Charlie, however, was resisting as much as he could. "Ali, we all know that you are the one trying to turn this into some fancy event. Bells would be happy to serve steak and salad, and let us be. I promise to turn off the TV when Carlisle and Esme get here. Just let me get today's scores. I have a lot of money riding on some of this."

"Gambling, Dad? I would think you'd try and set a better example for us, being the police chief and all" Emmett didn't even take his eyes off of the television to heckle our father.

"Shut it, Junior. You're the one I will owe if these idiots lost the game." Charlie turned his attention back to the flat screen, eager to see if he owed his eldest child any more money. Emmett had been Charlie's bookie for as long as I'd remembered. I was sure that he had a secret stash of gold bars with how much money he had taken from our Dad.

Esme and Carlisle arrived soon after Emmett had cleaned out the contents of Charlie's wallet. Things were stilted and uncomfortable when they were introduced to Jacob and Billy. They'd heard of them for years, but never had we all been in the same room together. Jacob was starting to annoy me, placing himself between me and my second parents, associating them with their son and declaring himself judge, jury and executioner. Esme tried her hardest to win him over, her maternal nature almost cracking his exterior, but he was determined to show them that he had replaced the need for any Cullens other than Ali in my life. Carlisle was being clever, staying away from him and playing it safe. He was discussing Emmett and Rose's college plans instead. Yay. On one side, we had Esme battling to win over Jacob with Ali trying to diffuse the tension wherever possible. On another side, we had Carlisle reminding us that a massive part of my family would be leaving us soon. On the final side? Charlie and Billy were trying to pretend they weren't covertly watching the sports on the TV still. I retreated to the kitchen.

~*~

Entrée: chargrilled squid with roasted garlic aoli and a small salad.

~*~

Alice had set the table up with placecards, leaving us with little choice when it came to the seating arrangement. Charlie took one head of the table, with Carlisle, me and Rose to his right. Esme, Jacob, Alice and Emmett were to his left, with Billy finishing it off at the other end. Ali had obviously followed the rule that all couples are separated and placed opposite each other, acknowledging out private joke about Charlie and Billy's bromance. Unfortunately, she hadn't anticipated Jacob's resistance to Esme's motherly charm. Alarm bells were ringing.

I served up the entrée to the aclaim of all. Emmett was kicked under the table by Rose for trying to sneak a piece of squid before I sat down. Charlie thanked everyone for coming and declared it "time to eat". Silence descended.

Small talk started to pick up. Ali asked Jake to pass the salad dressing, Charlie offered Esme a glass of wine, and Rose told Emmett to take his elbows off of the table. Carlisle commended me on the aoli. Billy stared at his food and made sure his mouth was occupied at all times. Smart man.

No-one was acknowledging the tension in the air or the elephant in the room. Rather, no-one was mentioning the boy that was missing from the room. The table was unbalanced, an uneven number of people and a group that would not have any reason to have dinner together other than Alice Cullen's determination and Jacob Black's stubborness.

The sound of cutlery was deafening.

~*~

Although the lamb was already resting whilst we had our entrée, I returned to the kitchen to clean away the used plates, steam the vegetables and cook the gravy.

Esme insisted on helping me.

It was the end of the silence.

It was the beginning of a conversation I wish I never needed to have, never had to hear and never imagined would be necessary.

I had the pan juices on the stove, trying to avoid the gravy from lumping, when Esme took the spoon from me and insisted on me resting for a minute.

"Bella, my darling, you know I love you, don't you?"

My heart dropped. I had spent over a third of my life having Esme as the only immediately available female influence in my life. Renee loved me but was so far away, in a different time zone and wrapped up in whatever drama she had inflicted on herself at the time. Esme had fed me, clothed me, hugged me and _been_ there for me for so much. It hurt that she had to question our relationship.

I pulled the gravy off the stove, happy that it was good enough and paused before plating the meal. I took off my apron and wrapped my arms around the most truly motherly woman I have ever met. She immediately returned my hug, squeezing me hard in return.

"I'm sorry, Esme." I didn't know what else to say. There was so much to apologise for. I'd let the bullshit with _him_ take me away from her, away from Carlisle, away from Ali. I wish I had dealt with it all better.

She pulled away slightly, keeping one arm around me, raising my head with her other hand gently to return her gaze. "There is nothing to forgive, sweetheart." She smiled sadly at me, so full of love, visably preparing herself for what she was about to say.

If I'd known what her next words would be, I would have run out the back door, into the forest, found my broken tree, and screamed until I passed out.

Instead, I held my eyes with hers and was shocked to hear the following:

"Edward told me everything."

I knew immediately that it was true. Edward and his mother were always close. Esme loved unconditionally, enabling incredible trust in those closest to her, but her relationship with Edward was more than that. They were friends. They would spend hours on the piano together, making up silly songs and laughing until they cried. I did not doubt for a minute that she did know it all. If she hadn't lead me to sit on a stool at the breakfast bar, I would have collapsed.

She kept me wrapped in her arms, apologising for the timing. "I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but you needed to know. I know why you haven't been around. I know why my son isn't acting like the man I raised him to be. I know why Jacob is so resistant to me, and I know why you aren't the lively Bella you used to be." She wiped the tears from my eyes, making sure to re-establish eye connection before continuing. "I didn't tell you now to make tonight more difficult for you, but to hopefully make it easier. Don't worry about how Jacob is acting, don't be concerned with me being upset. I am assuming that the only people sitting at that table without so much as a clue as to what is going on are Carlisle, Charlie and Billy. Am I right?"

I nodded my head. Although Jacob, Emmett and Rose didn't know the whole story, they'd heard enough from Edward to have an inkling.

"OK then. Here is what we are going to do. We are going to plate up this lovely meal you have served, take it out, and make the best of a difficult situation. There are no issues between you, Alice, Emmett, Rose and Jacob. You concentrate on making a kids only conversation happen. Try to get Jacob's attention away from me on the right and onto you. The boy is obviously smitten with you." She winked at me, showing just how amazing she really is. "I will get Charlie and Carlisle talking, and Billy can continue to stare at his food." Trust Esme to have me chuckle at a time like this.

"Obviously, you and I need to have a chat, but tonight is not the time or place. Just know that I love you and am here for you and will do everything in my power to get us to the end of the evening, OK?"

I nodded, tried to ignore her last remark, and we turned back to plate up the meal.

~*~

Main course: roasted lamb with homemade gravy and steamed vegies.

~*~

It was the gravy that turned out to be the conversation starter. Being familiar with my homemade gravy (it is all about smooching the roasted garlic and rosemary from the pan into the juices and flour), Emmett and Rose argued over how much gravy was acceptable to put on one's plate as a serving.

"I can't actually see any of the other food on the rest of your plate there, Babe. Are you sure you have enough?"

"Actually, dear, I don't think I do. Billy, could you pass it back before letting Em have a crack at it? I think I need a little more."

Jacob smirked at Rose's appetite, having always marvelled at the girl's ability to put away food. I smiled back at him, reaching my foot over to him to acknowledge not only our shared amusement, but to assure him that I was with him.

Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

Jacob has very long legs. They are able to reach under the table to the person opposite him without anyone know what was going on. It is very difficult to concentrate on not spilling gravy on oneself when one's boyfriend is running his foot up one's leg. It is very difficult to concentrate on anything, really.

~*~

Rosalie and Ali both decided to help me clear up after the main meal. They also decided to let me know that they knew exactly what was going on under the table. They were very amused.

I was starting to think it was a bad idea to let anyone in the kitchen with me between meals. They said too much.

~*~

Dessert: pavlova with homemade whipped cream and berry confit

~*~

Charlie decided to take it upon himself to serve slices of pavlova out to everyone. It started up conversation around the table, with Emmett and Rosalie arguing that Jacob had received more raspberries than they had and Carlisle agreeing with them.

It all went down from there.

The only way to convey what happened next is in playwrite style. Everyone spoke too quickly to take note of most facial expressions, arm gestures and emotions raging around the table.

So… here we go.

**Emmett**: Jacob got more raspberries than I did.

**Charlie**: No he didn't.

**Rosalie**: Yes, he did, Charlie. He got more raspberries than I did too.

**Jacob**: Maybe he is trying to help you keep your wonderful figure, Rose.

**Rosalie**: Are you trying to tell me that I am getting fat, Black?

**Emmett**: Raspberries are a fruit, Jake. They are the healthy bit.

**Charlie**: Everyone has equal servings. Eat your food.

**Jacob**: Of course, I am not saying you are getting fat, Rosalie. You might just want to remember that your metabolism is going to catch up with you eventually.

**Carlisle**: Alice, could you please pass down the water?

**Emmett**: Don't worry, babe. I'll still love you when the pavlova has turned into fat rolls.

**Alice**: Oh god, Emmett. You really are as stupid as you look, aren't you?

**Esme**: Don't take the Lord's name in vain, please Alice.

**Rosalie**: Emmett. Don't speak. For the rest of the night, just don't talk. Don't open your mouth unless it is to shovel your food in. we can continue this conversation tomorrow. Once I have decided what your punishment is going to be.

**Emmett**: Aww, Rosie. You know what I mean.

**Rosalie**: SHUT it Emmett.

I felt like I was in a tennis match.

_Bella Swan is waiting for terrorists to invade this dinner party. That is the only way it can get better._

**Jacob**: Do you want some of my raspberries, Ali? I think I got a few more than you did.

**Emmett**: *_whine*_

**Rosalie**: EMMETT

**Charlie**: Let's just all enjoy this lovely pavlova that Bella has made for us, ok? I'm sure it will taste just as good with more blueberries than raspberries.

**Alice**: *_chuckling_* You got more blueberries than me, Dad. Charlie loves you more than me.

**Charlie**: I don't love Carlisle more than you, Ali. I love you all equally.

**Me**: You don't love me more, Charlie? I _am_ your only daughter.

**Charlie**: You know I don't play favourites, Bells.

**Jacob**: Don't worry, beautiful girl. You're _my_ favourite.

**Alice**: But I thought _I_ was your favourite, Jakey-poo

**Jacob**: Don't call me Jakey-poo, Ali-pants.

**Alice**: Don't call me Ali-pants, Jakey-wakey.

**Esme**: Enough, Alice. I'm sure we all acknowledge that you have a massive store of nicknames for us all. Charlie, would you like another beer?

**Jacob**: Thanks, Esme, but I think I can fight my own battles.

**Me**: Jake, don't start.

**Jacob**: I'm not starting anything, Bells. I am just letting Esme here know that I don't need her help.

**Carlisle**: Jacob, I don't know you very well, but I will ask you not to speak of my wife like that.

**Jacob**: Oh, because we all know how well Cullen men speak to the women in their lives.

**Me**: Jacob, don't you fucking dare.

**Charlie**: Bella!

**Carlisle**: I don't know what you are talking about, Jacob, but I assure you, we Cullen men have nothing but respect and love for the women in our lives.

**Alice**: Don't be so sure about that, Dad.

**Jacob**: See, Carlisle, even your daughter agrees with me. How about you ask your _son_ how he speaks with the women in his life? About how he speaks with my Bella.

**Me**: I'm not your Bella, Jacob. Especially not right now. Please, don't start this now

**Charlie**: What are you talking about, Jacob?

Shit. Charlie's alarm was raised.

**Rosalie**: Emmett, would you like some of my raspberries?

**Emmett**: No thanks, babe. I'm a little to interested in the show at the moment.

**Jacob**: Well, Charlie, I am sure you would be very interested in the comments _Edward_ had to make to Bella at school a few weeks back.

**Esme**: How about we all just take a step back and think before we speak. Think about how it will affect Be-

**Jacob**: How about you don't tell me what to do, _Mrs Cullen_.

Carlisle raised from his seat at that, immediately stepping to his wife's defence.

I started banging my head on the table.

**Carlisle**: Don't you dare speak to my wife with that tone, young man.

**Billy**: Jacob, I think it is time we left.

**Jacob**: Sorry, Dad, but I am not leaving this house before they do. I have seen what kind of damage their family can inflict.

Jacob rose to match Carlisle's aggressive stance.

**Charlie**: Someone had better tell me what the _heck_ is going on here right now.

**Jacob**: I'll be happy to fill you in, Chief.

**Me**: Not if you want to be in a relationship, Jacob.

**Rosalie**: I think the time for trying to hide the truth is well and truly over, Little Swan.

**Alice**: I think the time for people speaking about things they don't really know about _should_ be over, all of you.

**Me**: Thank you, Ali.

**Jacob**: I'm sorry, Bells, but your Dad deserves to know the kind of people he has in his house for dinner.

**Me**: Shut the FUCK up, Jacob. If you say another word, I swear, we are _over_.

I stood up, to show exactly how serious I was.

**Jacob**: I love you, Bella. You need to know that. I love you. But I love you too much to let this mess go on any longer.

**Charlie**: Sit down, everyone. I apologise on behalf of Jacob for the way he spoke to Esme, but no-one is going anywhere until I get some answers.

We all sat down. Apparently, this was happening.

Charlie looked around the table, waiting for someone to fill him in on what he was missing. Jacob, unsurprisingly, was more than willing to continue the horror that he had started.

"Charlie, I am sorry for raising my voice in your house. I have nothing but respect for you, but I can not stand by whilst everyone pretends that this dinner is anything other than a farce." Jacob was almost genuine in his apology, but we knew it was nothing but a preamble for something much worse. "I am in love with your daughter, and will never apologise for trying to protect her."

I had to interject at this. " Don't you dare make this about anything more than your macho ego, Jacob Black." Jake wasn't protecting me, he was tearing all of my carefully constructed walls to the ground in front of almost everone. I now have had declarations of love from two beautiful men. One was destroyed within hours, the other was an abomination at the start.

Jacob looked at me and I was surprised to see the tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bells, but this has nothing to do with my ego. If I were driven by my ego, then I wouldn't be sitting here admitting that a part of your heart is still held by another guy."

Everyone around the table took a breathe and did not immediately release it. For some, it was because they were astounded because of his ability to see what had really happened without having all of the information. For others, it was because they didn't know the extent to what happened at The Bridge.

Carlisle, surprisingly, was the first to speak. "I assume you are talking about Edward." Ok, so maybe some were more aware than we thought.

I could do nothing but look across the table at Alice, helplessly, tears running down my face. I knew this dinner was going to be a disaster. I just didn't realise the extent of it.

"Yes, Dr Cullen, I am referring to your _son_." Jacob continued with his diatribe. "A lot more happened on that trip that he and Bella took than they have cared to share with you all."

"_Edward_" I cringed at the vitriol Jacob conveyed "took Bella's innocence in the time he took her away from her home." Esme tried to interject, but he just continued. "He fucked her, fucked with her, and left the rest of us to pick up the pieces. He declared as much in front of their entire school when I picked Bella up for the first time."

Although she knew what happened in Cascade Locks, Edward obviously hadn't shared the most recent interaction between he and I with his mother. Esme gasped at Jacob's statement and immediately flung her eyes at me. They were filled with apology, shame, shock and love.

Carlisle was stunned to silence.

Billy was shaking his head with disappointment with his son's lack of tact.

Emmett was shaking with rage, Rosalie was trying to calm him, Alice was crying.

Charlie had turned purple.

"Someone, please, tell me he is lying." Once he had regained his ability to breathe, Charlie tried to move back into his happy denial cave.

"We can't do that, Charlie." Apparently, Alice was quietly ,yet still firmly, on Team Jacob.

"Everyone out. If you don't live here, please collect your things and leave _right now._" Dad had managed to work out how to stay purple, yet speak at the same time. He stood away from the table. It was clear that this was not up for discussion. "Carlisle, Esme, I do not hold you responsible for your son's actions, but I need to end this dinner. I am sorry we have all had to hear this."

Carlisle and Esme nodded without a word and moved to get their coats.

"Jacob, although I am grateful for this new information, the manner in which you delivered it was inexcusable. Billy, please take him home. We'll discuss it in the morning on the boat." At least Charlie let Billy know that their date still stood, regardless of the drama. Hopefully their bromance would not suffer.

"Ali, I love you and am not mad at you, but you need to go home with your parents. I need to talk with Bella alone. I promise she will be ok."

Alice checked with me before agreeing. I nodded. I owed Charlie that much.

"Rosie, please take Emmett to his bedroom. I need to speak with Bells alone."

Charlie had given everyone their assignments, much like he would with his deputies at the station. Everyone complied quickly, without much more than a quiet "Sorry" or "Thank you for a lovely meal" or an "I love you, Bells, please know that." I could have done without that last one. I could have done without it all.

Once everyone had been deployed according to Charlie's orders, I sat, waiting in my place at the table; wondering just how Charlie and I would make it through the upcoming conversation.

**A/N**

**Yes, there is a BIG discussion due in the next chapter. Don't you agree that it is time that everyone knows what the fuck is going on?**

**Well? What did you think?**

**Who do you love? Who are you hating right now? I know I would never make Jake the bad guy, but everyone has their limit. He's reached his. Pretty crappy way of telling her that he loves her, but he really does. He hates seeing how much Edward still effects her. No-one is perfect. He comes pretty bloody close though!  
**

**How about Esme? She knows everything! Edward told her! Can I get a WFT? We'll find out how that happened in a future chapter. I'm not sure when – haven't gotten to it yet!**

**I am so nervous about your reaction to me switching to a script style of writing there, but no matter how hard I tried to write it in prose, it just didn't work. I imagined it in my head as being super fast. There was no time to take in any of the details, because everyone had to have their say.**

**I need to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone that has reviewed this fic. It truly means the world to the pessimist that is writing it. I may be a 'glass half empty' kind of girl, but I am determined to give Edward and Bella a happy ending.**

**Please review. Even if you tell me that you hate what I am doing.  
**


	18. Aftermath

**A/N**

What fic is this? Yes. I have changed the title. I hope it hasn't confused or lost you. The old title, Self Inflicted, was pointed out to me as being linked with self harm. I didn't want potential readers to be turned off by reading something into the title that isn't there.

So, welcome to _After Last Summer_!

Now, you say, "what's this? Two updates in one week?" I dedicate this speedy update to bouncy 72, tigger 5600, RunsWithVampires 14, FreezingFire81, dizzykaz, TMBen, NZTwilighter. Thank you so much for each of your reviews. It spurred me on to update asap.

_Previously, on _**_After Last Summer_: dinner went to hell. Jake spoke out of turn and aired all of Bella's dirty laundry. Charlie kicked everyone out so that he could get the whole sordid tale from Bella.**

Read on...

**17. Aftermath**

My walls had crumbled, torn down by Edward's actions and Jacobs words.

"Is it true?" Charlie wasted no time in getting to the point. We both knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. I supposed he was going with the bandaid approach – rip it off quickly, try not to prolong the pain.

All I could feel was pain.

"I'm sorry, Dad." I had no choice but to tell him the truth. If I lied, my relationship with my father would be forever damaged. He knew it was true. He knew that Jacob would never lie to me, that Alice wouldn't lie to him, and the look on my face confirmed it all for him.

I had never seen my father so lost than in that moment. We were both uncomfortably perched on the sofa in our living room when I saw Charlie truly crumble. "I thought you were unhappy to be back. I thought you wanted to be in Sydney. Back home with your mother."

His words shocked me out of my pose, moving me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. I knew that my actions had effected him. Of course I knew that. I had just never imagined that he would blame himself. My heart would have broken again, if it were capable.

"I am home, Dad." I tried to show the absolute sincerity through my voice, but he still shook his head violently at my words, burying himself in my hair. "It's true, Charlie. I will _always_ be Australian, but Forks is home. _You _are here, _Emmett_ is here. Alice, Esme, Carlisle. The only person not here is Mum, but I need all of you so much more than I need her. This house is my **home**."

He lifted his head, staring me straight in the eyes. "Ok then."

The mood shifted immediately. Charlie's guilt relieved, he moved straight into 'Dad' mode.

We moved away from each other, unconsciously moving into defensive positions.

Charlie spoke first. "I know this is usually a house of few words, unless Alice is here, but there are a lot of things that need to be said right now. I need you, without giving me all of the gory details, to tell me what happened in Cascade Locks."

What I told him next was very close to the explanation I gave Alice. I tried to convey Edward's desperation when he asked me to leave with him, emphasizing our original bond for the reason that I left. Charlie was very quiet as I told him about our arrival at Cascade Locks and our consequent confessions the next day. I skimmed over the following physical connection that I had thought we shared. "I realised I was in love with him, Dad. He told me he was in love with him too. I felt it, in that moment. I thought that I felt the out of this world love that most people only dream about. I'm sorry that you are probably disappointed in me but I cannot apologise for what happened. I sometimes wish that I had never fallen in love with him, but I can't."

I knew that Charlie understood. He'd experienced a similar thing with Renee. He loved her with everything that he had, but she still left. The only difference was that he had over 6 years with my mother. I only had one night to call Edward mine.

I continued, explaining what happened after our love-making. Alice's call, Edward's freak out, me being left alone at the bridge. I didn't tell him what Edward said. I couldn't. As much as I despised myself for it, I needed to protect Edward as much as I could. I had to admit to myself that I was in love with him. Completely, irrevocably, in love with him.

I knew I had to work out what this meant for Jacob. What Jacob's actions tonight meant. I needed to figure out what I could live with. But I needed to be _here_ for this conversation with my father, so shelved those thoughts as much as I could.

It felt like hours as Charlie sat next to me, processing everything I had just said. How does a father respond to his daughter saying "Why yes, Daddy, I did let your surrogate son pop my cherry and leave me heartbroken without telling you. Still love me?". I stared at the floor, trying to stay as still as possible, and waited.

He finally sighed, ready to speak. "I don't know what to say, Bells." His voice cracked, showing more emotion than I was used to from my father. "I mean, how the heck am I supposed to respond to this?"

It seemed we were at least agreeing on this.

Charlie shook his head, "You're right. I _am_ disappointed." My body was wracked with a sob at his words, but I stayed silent for him to continue. "I am disappointed that you ran away with Edward and was completely irresponsible. I am more than disappointed with Edward for what he did, but I'll deal with him later."

I tried to interject, but Charlie continued. "No, Bells. There is nothing you can say or do to stop me from giving that boy a piece of my mind. I am your father and it is my job to protect you. To, as Alice would say, have your back. Edward and I _will_ be having that conversation."

All I could do was nod in acquiescence, Charlie made that very clear with the 'no bullshit' tone of his voice.

"But I have to say, honey, that I am most disappointed that you lied to me. I know it was not easy for you to tell anyone what happened, but I have spend the last couple of months with no idea what was going on, or how to help you, and it seems that almost everyone was in the same boat with me."

_Bella Swan is speechless_

I sat dumbfounded at my fathers words. I already knew I had the best Dad on the planet, but no-one could have predicted this.

He wrapped me up in his arms, pulling me onto his lap like he used to when I was a little girl trying to adjust to life in Forks. He then chuckled; "That doesn't mean you aren't grounded. You aren't leaving this house until you are thirty, little girl."

I just squeezed him tighter, choosing to say nothing. We could negotiate that later.

~*~

_Facebook chat between Alice Cullen and Bella Swan_

**Alice: **So, have you had a chance to negotiate with him yet?

**Bella:** Yeah… it isn't good.

**Alice:** Welllll…

**Bella:** 1 month house arrest. You, Rose and Jacob are allowed to visit, so long as he is home.

**Alice:** WHAT? How the hell are you supposed to have a life?

**Alice: **Wait. Jacob?

**Bella:** Hey, I'll take a month. I'm surprised it was that short!

**Alice:** Must be a light sentence based on character history.

**Bella:** Yeah, something like that.

**Bella:** Re Jacob, Charlie is all for Team Jacob. He called him and thanked him for 'outing' me.

**Alice:** WTF?

**Bella:** I know, right? He called Jacob, thanked him, then tried to give the phone to me. There is no way I am speaking to Jacob Black right now.

_Bella Swan went from 'in a relationship' to 'It's complicated'_

**Alice:** What are you going to do?

**Bella:** I have no idea. Fuck. Let's recap, shall we? Jacob says he loves Bella, then airs all of Bella's dirty laundry in front of Charlie, Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett. I'm not counting you and Esme, coz it seems you _both_ knew already… Jacob leaves, telling Bella he loves her again. Bella is confused.

**Alice:** Bella needs to stop talking about herself in the third person.

**Bella:** Haha. I'm serious though. I have no idea what to do. Am I mad at Jacob? Yes. Do I love him? Yes, but not in the way he does. Do I still want to be with him? I think so. He loves me. He treats me like a princess. He isn't an arsehole.

**Alice: **Those aren't the only criteria for a healthy relationship, Bella. I'm signing off now – going to try and do some recon with Mum. I'll come over after school on Monday.

**Bella:** I love that you know Charlie's schedule. Ok. See you on Monday. Love you.

**Alice:** Love you too.

~*~

Jacob waited through approximately 12 hours of Bella's Silent Treatment before turning up on my doorstep. Charlie let him in.

"Bells, your boyfriend is here." That man was way too chipper about his daughter having a boyfriend, considering the recent revelations. In fact, it occurred to me that it was because of the recent revelations that he was so pro-Jacob & Bella. I assumed that he figured having me in a relationship with Jacob kept me away from Edward, and with someone who was obviously on my side.

I stomped down the stairs, glaring at both men as I landed by the door. "That title is currently under consideration, Dad." I hoped that calling him Dad, instead of Charlie, would soften his reaction to my surliness a little.

Jacob looked sufficiently chagrined "Bells, I know you are mad at me right now, but I was hoping we could talk?"

Charlie made himself scarce, having a sudden need to do laundry, whilst I led Jacob into our living room. If we were going to have this conversation now, I was going to be sitting on the comfy couch to do it. Jacob chose to sit on the coffee table in front of me, rather than the couch on the other side. He was careful not to touch me, seeming to know that I would slap him if he did, and I rested my feet on the chair wrapping my arms around my legs.

He nodded, acknowledging my lack of physical comfort, and began.

"I am so sorry, Bells." The weight of emotion behind his words was evident. I knew he was sorry. He'd sent me 50 text messages and 20 wall posts saying "I'm sorry". What I needed to know was, "Why?"

We were looking at each other straight in the eyes. I needed to see that he was telling me the absolute truth and he needed to see how much he had hurt me last night.

Jacob was fidgeting, but answered me straight away in a torrent of words. "Oh god, Bells. I am sorry for so many things. I am sorry that I was so rude to your dinner guests. I am sorry that I exposed your history with _him_ to your family and the Cullen's." He paused before continuing. "I am so sorry that I told you I love you like that. Don't misunderstand me, I _do_ love you. I am _in_ love with you." His eyes implored me to believe him. I didn't know whether to swoon or retreat. Maybe a little of both.

I knew I had to respond to that, but I couldn't respond in the way he wanted. "I don't know how to react to that right now, Jacob." My voice was probably colder than I meant it to be, but he needed to know that a declaration like that would not get him off the hook.

Jacob hung his head, accepting my lack of reciprocation. "I'm sorry." When he met my eyes again, his eyes were filling with tears.

"I need to know why, Jacob. Why did you behave like that last night?"

Jacob broke eye contact with me again, covering his head with his hands. His voice was muffled as he continued, but I caught enough of what he said to be shocked. "I have no idea where I stand with you, Bells, and I am so fucking jealous of a guy that broke your heart that I can't breathe."

_**WTF**_

"What the fuck are you talking about, Jacob?"

Breathing deeply, Jacob leaned on his elbows and stared blankly forward. "I am jealous of him. I am jealous that he was the first to be with you. I am jealous that you loved him so much. I scared that you might never love me like that." His voice waivered, bordering on the edge, as he continued. "I feel like he is going to always be a shadow over us and I hate him for that."

He reached for my hand and I had to give in. I had always thought that Jacob's issues with Edward were a purely protective thing with me. I needed to show that I was listening, and there with him in that moment.

He relaxed slightly after establishing a physical connection. "Thank you, Bells. I just… I know I have been a dick and have a lot to make up, but… I just need you to know how badly I want this. Want us. I will do anything you need/want to make last night up to you. I'll apologise to the Cullen's, talk to Charlie, build you a car. Anything."

I laughed lightly, "I don't need you to build me a car, Jake. I have Red, remember?" At last. He smiled.

"As for the other two, I think it wise for you to stay away from the Cullen's right now. Not Alice, of course, but the others…" The last thing I needed was for things to blow up between Jacob and Carlisle again. "You said some things last night that were really out of line. I understand now that they were driven by your emotions more than I had realised, but you don't know Carlisle and Esme. You are not allowed to judge them by what their son has done. They are two of the kindest people that I have ever known and I will not let you do that again."

Jacob accepted my first instruction, but there were more. "I know that I can't stop you from speaking with Charlie generally, but I need to remind you of my first condition when we started dating. You do not discuss our relationship with Charlie. It is exactly that – _our relationship_ – and he is not included in that."

I almost expected a rebuttal, but there was none. "I remember, I promise." He squeezed my hand to punctuate his words.

His eyebrows then raised, a small smile raising the corners of his lips. "Does that mean we still have a relationship? Because I have to say, your facebook update freaked the fuck out of me."

I pulled out my phone.

_Bella Swan is 'in a relationship' with Jacob Black_

We sealed it with a kiss.

~*~

Emmett was a little harder to sort things out with than Charlie or Jacob. He was hurt that I'd failed to confide in him. He was furious with Edward. Rosalie's feminine wiles were not going to get me out of this mess anymore. It was time to clear things up. Emmett sent Rose home soon after Jacob left, going home to cook dinner for Billy. I was in the kitchen preparing for a Swan family dinner when he sought me out. I'd talked myself almost hoarse, after the conversations with Dad and Jake, but knew there was no avoiding this any longer.

"Give me two good reasons why I shouldn't lock you in your room before going and killing that mother fucker I used to call a best friend." Emmett was nothing, if not straight to the point.

I continued to wash the lettuce for our salad, rationalising that movement and distractions might keep the conversation from escalating. In reality, I was just avoiding seeing the look in my brother's eyes.

I tried to make the tone light, whilst standing my ground. "I'll give you more than two good reasons, brother of mine. 1. It is Charlie's responsibility to discipline me. He has done so already. 2. My se- love life is none of your business. I told you as much as I was willing to at the time. I don't ask for the blow-by-blow of your relationship with Rosalie and I will ask for the same consideration from you. 3. I am dealing with this. What Edward did, he did to me. Not to you, or Jake, or Charlie. I understand that it has affected you all and I am sorry for that. But you need to take a step back. And 4? You are not going to kill Edward. You might hate him right now, but you would never be able to handle the look on Esme or Alice's faces if you did."

I tried to use as casual tone as I could, moving to wash the tomatoes. This was going to be the cleanest salad in the history of mankind. I was so not going to start using a knife right now. No-one wants to pause a D&M to go to the emergency room.

"Well that doesn't stop me from imagining how I would do it."

Thank fuck. Humour was going to be the golden key to surviving this conversation. "Yeah? What is top of the list?"

Emmett put the lettuce in the spinner, drying it for me as he spoke. "Old fashioned hung, drawn, and quartered. The classics never go out of style."

I laughed out loud, handing him the salad bowl. If he was going to help, I wasn't going to pass that opportunity. Emmett helping in the kitchen never happened. He was definitely out of sorts.

"I expected something a little more imaginative from you, Em. Nice to hear that the subscription to the History Channel is paying of, though."

He started to assemble the salad, "Yeah, well I won't tell you the things I considered before settling on that one. Rose was pretty imaginative herself."

Shit. I added her to my mental list of people I needed to talk to following last night's eventful dinner. "I'll speak to her at school tomorrow."

"OK."

We continued to move around the kitchen, avoiding eye contact, as we paused the conversation. I had turned the chicken over in the fridge and was stirring the sauce when he spoke again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The gentle hurt that came through in his voice was something I had never heard from my brother before. I turned down the sauce and moved away from the stove to wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek into his back.

"Because I couldn't, Em. If I said it out loud, it would make it real."

Emmett turned around in my arms and held me close into his chest. "You told Alice. You told Jake."

I pulled away a little, staying in the hug, but enough to look into his eyes for the first time. My brother was crying.

"I didn't tell Jake, Em. He worked out most of it from bits and pieces he heard from me and Alice, plus what Edward said in the car park at school that day." He winced, remembering what he had chosen to ignore, but let me keep speaking. "I only told Alice about it a couple of days ago. She forced it out of me… I wish I could have kept it all locked away and had none of you ever find out."

He wiped the tears from my eyes, ignoring his own, looking after my needs before his. Just like he always did. "But don't you see, Bells, that was never going to happen. You were so busy trying to bury it that you were burying yourself in the process."

"I was trying to move on, Em." I moved away from him to lean against the kitchen counter opposite him, crossing my arms defensively.

He turned off the stove completely, the oven as well, putting dinner on hold until we were done. Emmett postponing dinner. I waited for the bacon in the fridge to start flying around the kitchen.

He went back to his original position, facing me, both of us on opposite ends of the room. "It wasn't working."

Hearing those three words shifted my world. Again. I was starting to resent all sentences containing three words. They carried too much with them.

"I'm glad I know now, Bells. It is going to be easier to help, now that we all know what we are dealing with now."

I decided to poke the bear a little. Things were getting too serious and I was done with that for the day. I needed to laugh, or fight. Everything else was exhausting me. "You are glad to know what Edward and I did?"

Emmett looked like he wanted to burn his eyes out and cover his ears. "Fuck no, Bella. If I ever hear of you doing anything like that with anyone _ever_ again, Charlie or no Charlie, I will be locking you in your room until you are 30. I just mean that, fuck, now we know. We'll help. The end."

I wished it were that simple.

I went to bed soon after dinner. I couldn't deal with the looks of sympathy and heavy sighs. They both were obviously struggling with the shift in their perceptions of the situation. Torn, between wanting to lock me up for sleeping with Edward Cullen, and wanting to drive over to the Cullen house and torture a certain bronze-haired Senior.

That night, I almost didn't make it to my tree before screaming.

**A/N**

**Sooo... what did you think?**

**I know a lot of you wanted the dinner to signal the end of Jacob and Bella, but they are not quite done yet. They will be soon (within the next couple of chapters), but that was not the way I wanted them to end. As I've said, Jake is not the bad guy. He just isn't the _right _guy.**

**What did you think? I'd love to hear from all of you that are reading. The favourite/alert vs review emails I am receiving is depressing me a bit. (*_cue guilt trip_*). As a former lurker, I now understand how much it must have pissed off authors to know that I was reading, but couldn't be bothered to let them know why. I make sure to review as much as possible these days, even if it to just thank them for sharing their fic with me. (_*end guilt trip*_).**

**Something I would like to know... what do you think Alice is going to find out from Jacob? How do you think Bella's conversation with Rose is going to pan out? They all return for a Monday at school in the next chapter. I'd love to hear your theories.**

**Thanks!**

**P.S. I am now on twitter - find me as jrosebyanyother.**


	19. I dont like Mondays

**A/N**

**I don't say this enough, but it's the truth. I don't own Twilight. I also don't own the lyrics at the end – they are the property of Katy Perry.**

**Here is the next chapter. I hope it is ok. This is the first thing I have ever written without the aid of nicotine. I am currently on my fourth day without cigarettes… after being in a relationship with Mr Benson and Hedges for 14 years. **

**Chapter 18: I don't like Mondays**

Have you ever heard that Boomtown Rats song, I don't like Mondays? It's based on a true story. The actual story is devestating, I would never do anything like that. It's just that… I can't help but agree with Brenda Ann Spencer just that little bit.

I really don't like Mondays.

I especially wasn't looking forward to this Monday. The Monday following _that_ dinner. The first time I would see Rosalie. The first time I would see Edward. I know he wasn't there, at dinner, but so much of what happened was because of him. Did he know? Did he have any idea of how much he still affects my life _every day_?

Whatever. Edward Cullen can fuck off.

It seemed like I wasn't the only one suffering from Mondayitis. I was all rugged up and ready to go _way_ before Emmett this morning. I was beginning to think the December chill in Forks had caused Hell to freeze over. Turns out, he was just procrastinating. On a normal day, Emmett combines some bacon, pancakes, eggs and maple syrup (all cooked by yours truly) in a plastic baggie and devours it in transit. It's gross, really it is. But today, he actually sat at the table and ate like a civilised person.

"What's going on, Em? Finally realised how gross maple syrup is when mixed in with your eggs?" I may have been living in America for 7 years, but I really don't understand the whole breakfast thing. Sweet or savoury. Not both, together, on the same plate, that is just gross. Give me a good old fashioned fry up or cereal any day. The only reason I cook all of this is for the men in the family.

"Hold your tongue, Grommet. I will forever be thankful to…"

Fuck. We'd been doing so well with the avoidance. At least, we'd avoided any glaring references to Edward for the last couple of months. As soon as this happened, I should have run straight out to my broken tree and avoided the rest of the day. It was a sign. It wasn't just a moment of Emmett's brain displaying its lack of filter.

Of course, that isn't what I did.

"Don't worry, Em. I know that Edward" cue internal cringe at his name "is the one that cultivated your love of all things french toast, bacon and maple syrup. He is a huge part of our history. It was a good history, for the most part." My voice choked a little, at the end, remembering just how good some of it was.

_*** Edward carried me the whole way to our room, nuzzling in my hair along the way. Our touches had morphed from frenzied passion to soft and loving. I had my arms wrapped around his neck, gently kissing him. It was sweet… gentle…***_

Emmett's plate dropping into the sink broke me from my memory, wrenching me back into a reality where Edward's hands don't touch me anymore.

It was time to go to school.

~*~

As we pulled up to the carpark at Forks High, we could see immediately that something was going on. There was a massive group of students, all jostling for a look at something. They didn't need to fight to hear it; I heard it as soon as I opened my door.

"For fucks sake, Rosalie. Mind your own damn business! You obviously have NO idea what the hell happened."

"No idea, _Edward_. Of course I know, You really think Bella could keep it from her family for much longer? I know everything you did you-"

"Fuck you, Rose. You don't know _anything_. Why don't you just run off now, I think your lip gloss needs reapplying."

"_Shit_" Emmett heard it too, the crowd parting as soon as they saw him trying to get to his girlfriend. I took advantage of the tunnell through the people and followed behind him. I dreaded what was going on, didn't want to be a part of it, but figured it was better than hearing a chinese whispers version of it later.

Rosalie was the personification of beauty and anger. Her stunning feminine appearance contrasted shockingly with the fury on her face. She reminded me of an ancient warrior goddess, armoured for battle to protect her people.

_I_ was her people.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that, Edward Cullen. Don't you _dare_. I swear, if Bella would let me, I would chop your balls off and feed them to you _right this minute_. I know what you did."

Emmett took a step into the ring, shielding half of Rosalie's body, staring straight at Edward. "Leave. Now."

Edward's countenance changed at once. He obviously knew that a defensive stance with my protective over brother was suicidal. I'm surprised he survived Rosalie. "I'm sorry, Em."

WHAT?

I kept my silence, defended him, stayed away and _broke_ because of him, and he apologises to _Emmett_? Oh, hell no.

"I'm sorry, Em? I'm sorry, **Em**? How about, I'm sorry, _**Bella**_, Edward? How about you start right the fuck there? Huh? Or what, are you only sorry that you fucked with Emmett's little sister? Stupid Bella, of course it doesn't matter what you did to me. You just want your old buddy back, right? Clear up this silly misunderstanding about his baby sister and everything will be fine, right Ed?" I was furious. It was as if a damn had broken inside of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was done suffering in silence. The important people were in the 'know' now. I had nothing left to hide.

"Think again, Eddie dear. I'm done being quiet. I'm done letting you make me feel like _shit_ every time I see you and one of your chearleading whores, sorry Rose." I looked at her quickly, making sure she wasn't mad at me intimating all chearleaders were whores. She usually hates that.

She grinned instead "No offense taken, Bells. Keep going, you're on a roll."

I chuckled at her over emphasised wink, before continuing the vitriol.

"I'm done letting you escape what you did unscathed, Edward. I'm done holding Jacob back from _beating_ your…"

His green eyes flashed at the mention of my boyfriend, my sun. "Oh, we wouldn't want to deny your brute his fun would we, love. By all means, let him have at it."

I ran at him, with all intentions to smack the hell out of him, when I was body slammed. By Alice. "Don't do it, Bella. It isn't worth getting suspended over." Emmett seemingly agreed, pulling me away and passing me to Rosalie.

"You don't speak to her. Do you hear me, Cullen? You so much as look at her and it isn't Jacob you need to be worrying about. There is a long list of people dying to break every bone in your body. Don't give us another reason to do it. Understood?" Emmett's voice was so low, so strong, so frighteningly controlled, that everyone had to lean in to be able to hear him. This was not an Emmett we were used to seeing. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me. I was glad it was aimed at Edward.

He nodded, acknowledging my brother's words, "Perfectly." He was guided away quickly by Jasper, who seemed keen to get his buddy out of the fray.

I was shaking, so shocked by everything that had just passed. Alice was shooing away the crowd as Rosalie glared at anyone who dared continue to look at the spectacle we were putting on for the school. Emmett was shaking too, but more like a roid rage than the fragile shock I was experiencing. He slowly made his way over to me and stared me straight in the eyes, "He so much as looks at you, you tell me. Promise me."

"I promise, Em." Now was not the time to go against my brother. I'd tell him he was being over protective, and WAY to late to stop Edward from hurting me, a little later on.

He turned and walked away, not pausing for Rosalie. She gave me a quick hug, "Sorry, Bells, I couldn't help myself. Don't worry, everything will be ok." She then turned and ran after Emmett, pulling him to look at her and speaking visably firmly until he sucumbed to a kiss. They were too far away for me to hear what she said, but I was just glad to see they would be ok. Rose and Emmett were one of the only couples I had ever seen in real life actually function. They weren't perfect, but they always seemed perfect together. I was calmed a little when I saw that my drama would not ruin their relationship too.

~*~

"Woo, Bella. Kissing the boys and making them cry… never knew you had it in you. I'm willing to risk letting you have _me_ in you." James had me cornered in the hallway between classes, whilst I was waiting for Alice to finish in the bathroom. By 10am, everyone in the school knew that Edward and I had slept together when we ran away. I don't know whether it was Rose or Edward that broadcasted it to the school; it didn't matter.

"Fuck off, Hunter."

James had been pissed off at me since I embarrassed him in front of the school on the first day back in September. So much had happened in my life since then, that he failed to make my radar. He, however, still appeared to hold a grudge.

His looks, when described abjectly, would appear to be attractive. He had short, almost shaven blond hair and piercing blue eyes. His lips were full and some would describe them as kissable. None of this managed to make him actually appealing, though. His personality and general air of menace made most girls give him a wide berth.

He ran his hand down my cheek, "Don't be like that, Baby Bella. I just want to go where Cullen has boldly gone before."

I was frozen, in shock that he was being so crass, so openly. "What is it, Bella? Cullen keep your tongue? Never mind, I've got uses for your mouth that don't include talking." I flinched away at his words, but my feet were still nailed to the floor. He moved his hand down my neck, toward my breast. I couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, it seemed as though James fell backwards from a standing start. It took me a minute to realise that someone had ripped him away. The same someone that was now beating him into the ground.

I forgot the shock that had me frozen a minute earlier and ran to him, trying to stop him from killing James. The fury he was unleashing was frightening. Hot and sexy as fuck too, but completely frightening. He was screaming at James, "You don't touch her! Don't fucking touch her!" over and over again.

I grabbed at the arm that was almost choking James to the ground. Edward turned, faster than my sight could register, but immediately stopped when he saw it was me. "Edward."

It was as if my voice broke him out of the rage haze, burning him. He jumped away from James, pulling me with him. "Are you ok?" he whispered, without taking his eyes off the bloodied body of James that was wheezing on the floor.

"Yes, t-thank you" I was completely confused by what was going on. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be. I didn't know how to process what was going on.

Thankfully, Alice had emerged from the bathrooms, sending one of the onlookers to get the principal and was now discerning who had seen what. As soon as she realised what had happened, she was garnering statements to support her brother's defence of me, all the while sending concerned looks my way.

"I'm sorry."

I knew he wasn't talking about what had just happened. He had nothing to be sorry for with that, he'd saved me from being touched intimately by a repulsive, offensive boy. No, he was sorry for the time that he had touched me, held me, made love to me.

"It's not enough."

~*~

An ambulance took Edward and James to the local hospital straight away. Charlie picked me up from school as soon as the principal called the station to report the fight. He had Jacob come to stay with me whilst he went to the hospital to get Edward and James' statements. Before he left, I begged him not to take Edward and my history into consideration.

"Please, Dad, I know you hate him right now. I'm just asking, for me, don't let him get into trouble over this."

Charlie sighed, "I can't make any promises, Bells. From what I've heard from Mark, he's made mince meat of the other boy."

I stood firmly in front of my father, ignoring Jacob's plea's to "Let your Dad do his job, Bells".

"He made mince meat of the boy that was trying to touch my breast, Charlie. Did Mark tell you that? Edward pulled him away before he could."

Jacob jumped up from the couch where he'd been lazing, straight to my side. He started fussing over me, checking for marks. "I'm fine, Jake. Settle down. Edward got there before he could really do anything." Jacob stopped fussing all over me and just wrapped me up in his arms as much as he could. I stayed standing firm, however, maintaining eye contact with Charlie. I hadn't told them what James was trying to do to get sympathy. I needed to protect Edward.

Charlie stayed silent, the rage clear on his face, trembling with it.

"Edward was _protecting_ me, Dad. You _will_ make sure he doesn't get into trouble for this. You tell James, from me, that I will have him charged with sexual assault if he does anything other than drop any complaint he may think of raising against Edward." I was firm in speaking with Charlie. "Nod if you understand me."

He finally broke his silence, "Do not speak to me like a child, Isabella. Do not tell me how to do my job."

I could tell that, although he was filled with rage for what James had done, he was still hoping to use the situation to punish Edward as well.

"I won't tell you how to do your job, Charlie. I trust that you won't let a personal issue cloud your good judgement."

He said nothing, just turning around and leaving to go to the hospital. I prayed that he would do as I asked.

I unfolded myself from Jacob's suffocating embrace and moved back towards the living room. So much had happened, that it was starting to feel like my life was a movie. In the past 48 hours, I'd had my boyfriend air all of my dirty laundry to my family, my friend air it to the entire school, been assaulted by the school predator, and had Edward speak to me for the first time in months. I didn't know how to process it all.

I wasn't mad at Rosalie. I wasn't sure how much she had said, but it didn't matter. Jacob had told everyone my business because he was frustrated, because _he_ was upset, because _he_ was jealous. Rose did it only because she felt she was standing up for me, protecting _me_.

I was still mad at Jake, even if I did understand his motives a little better. I was mad at him for thinking it was his place to tell Charlie more of what was going on. I was furious at the way he had spoken to Esme and Carlisle. I was annoyed with the way he had worked himself into every aspect of my life, picking me up from school every day, inviting himself to dinner every night. At the time, I'd felt that it was because he was so into me. He was a cute little puppy that just wanted me to show him some affection. He was suffocating me.

I sat quietly, pretending to watch the television with Jacob, waiting for someone else to come home. I knew I had been through a traumatic experience and they wouldn't let me be at home alone, but I needed to be away from Jacob to work out what was going on in my brain.

Why was I suddenly so unhappy with him? Was I just overreacting because of what happened with James? All of a sudden, I felt claustrophobic. I felt like everything in my life was pressing down on me from all angles. I needed an escape. Suddenly, my fingers were itching for my guitar. A composition was running through my head, demanding to be written down.

"Jake, I need to go upstairs for a bit. I just need to be alone, to process today, ok?"

He looked at me, so concerned and lovingly, that it almost broke my resolve. "Are you sure, Bells? Is there anything I can do? Please, tell me how I can make things better."

I smiled lightly, kissing him gently. "You already are, Jacob. I just want to go and play my guitar for a while, escape it all, you know?" I stood quickly, not giving him the opportunity to ask to follow.

Once in my room, I pulled out my guitar and sat cross legged on the floor. I could almost see the piece forming in front of my eyes, it was that clear. I couldn't _not_ sing it completely, from beginning to end.

Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one  
I still got the seed

You said move on  
Where do I go  
I guess second best  
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer  
In the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy  
With a surprise center  
How do I get better  
Once I've had the best  
You said there's  
Tons of fish in the water  
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips  
I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in  
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into...

You're the best  
And yes I do regret  
How I could let myself  
Let you go  
Now the lesson's learned  
I touched it I was burned  
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Oh won't you walk through  
And bust in the door  
And take me away  
Oh no more mistakes  
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

I heard him come up the stairs, when I was about half way through the song, but I couldn't stop myself. Maybe it was cowardly of me, but I let the music swirling through my head tell him what I couldn't. Tell him what I'd barely admitted to myself. It was cruel of me.

"You still love him."

"I'm sorry." I was. For so many things.

"It isn't enough."

**A/N**

**I hope that was ok. I am not really happy with it, but needed to bash it out to prove to myself that I can still write without a cig hanging out of my mouth.**

**What did you think? Thank you so much to everyone who reviews. You make my day.  
**

**Question: Have you ever been with someone, knowing they were just a rebound?**


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